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Rhyming "Jack"

by Horisun

Dear Jack;

My son, ever since little Jill
fell so gravely, terribly ill
you have not been quite the same
I have waited still; at the window sill
Praying you come back

Your Fathers worried sick
He insists that this Circus Shtick
Will leave you crawling back
Jumping over a candle stick?
Jack- You're better than that

Anyway, my ink is running low
And the lights barely aglow
So son, I send my regards
If you run back, do not slow

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Fri Apr 29, 2022 11:07 pm
Chen yu luo yan says...

This is the first time that I see words that I have never heard of! Thank you for posting this poetry.

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103 Reviews

Points: 1590
Reviews: 103

Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:21 pm
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waywardxwanderer wrote a review...


This poem is absolutely incredible, and so creative??? Your rhymes are clever and provide a perfect fairytale feel for a poem such as this, and the jaunty rhythm provides a wonderful juxtaposition with the seriousness of the letter to make it absurd but oddly beautiful. The perspective of a father waiting for his son to return, combining Jack (candle stick guy) and other Jack (who fell down a hill), talking of Jack running away with the circus is all so clever and wonderful. This is seriously fantastic - I cannot emphasize this enough.

I do have one suggestion, which is that you could add a sign-off at the end to more closely follow the format of a letter. Otherwise - incredible! Fantastic! Brava!

Keep writing!!
Wayward (:

Horisun says...

Thank you! I'm glad you like it! :D

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305 Reviews

Points: 3
Reviews: 305

Thu Apr 28, 2022 12:15 am
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...

I think this poem is about a mother asking for her son to come back.Maybe he won’t,considering that his sister died.He might feel lonely.So maybe he really wants to avoid that place.Or maybe there isn’t really much to talk about.Maybe I shouldn’t read into it.But yeah,this was nice to read.I hope that you have a wonderful day and night!

Horisun says...

I think you hit the nail on the head, there!

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278 Reviews

Points: 153
Reviews: 278

Wed Apr 27, 2022 3:57 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...

Hello! Here to review!

I'm trying to think of the story behind this. 'You have not been quite the same' yet Jack has ran away. I see that as Jack's not the type of person to run away but it's that motherly way (I'm guessing it's the mother) of believing that they know their children inside and out. Jack is not there, yet she knows he's not the same.

Your Fathers worried - Your father's worried. (Father is not used as the name in this context)

I feel like the 'anyway' is a little too informal and ruins the tone of this piece.

I like the last line, there's a lot of barely contained emotion in it. The hope of 'if' mixed with the demand of 'do not slow.'

Overall, nice piece!

Horisun says...

Thank you for the review!

You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote