Young Writers Society

Hey, HolographicLadybug. Bella here (nice to meet you). Happy Review Day!

Okay, further to what the last reviewer said, you can easily re-classify this as a script in the 'edit work' mode (I'm pretty sure). Mysterious is right, this is definitely a playscript, not a short story.
Other than that, I'm pretty impressed for such a relatively short piece. I love how casually Tommy mentions the "dead bodies" as part of a completely innocent conversation about a bedtime story. Great twist!
For me, I interpreted this story as being about trust and the impact of 'evil' on this. More after Tommy's little 'story', which was so simple, like the child, and yet so... meaningful. Whether intentional or not, I think this shows that you have great skill as a playwright.
I should be intrigued to see this developed and/or extended, for example to get a little more of the Mum's reaction, and some context (I mean... bodies!) on this conversation.

That's all from me. Keep writing!

~Bella~

Short, dark, and CUTE! So Mommy-ette and Mommy-o can't eat a burrito in the department store, ne? (it's how it is in the Philippines-you can't eat or drink inside a department store) And they poisoned each other because they did not just bump into each other, they were also eating the same kind of burrito, and.. it escalated quickly. XD It's also funny how a little boy can imagine that kind of story! Overall, I'm giving it a thumbs-up! Cheers to you!

Hello holographic! Rosa here with a simple review.
To start I want to address how your work was catagorized, your story was posted as a short story but it's writing style is easilly recognized as a play script so it was rather confusing.

That's all for criticism, onto some praise and encouragement!

I do see the humor though and I thought it was rather cute considering the dark tones that's in Tommy's story.

I also like how your title came into the story, very cleve!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed your review

Hello holographic! Rosa here with a simple review.
To start I want to address how your work was catagorized, your story was posted as a short story but it's writing style is easilly recognized as a play script so it was rather confusing.

That's all for criticism, onto some praise and encouragement!

I do see the humor though and I thought it was rather cute considering the dark tones that's in Tommy's story.

I also like how your title came into the story, very cleve!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed your review