Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Fantasy

E - Everyone

The Cult of Wolves

by HolographicLadybug

"No, no, no, nonononono!"

I pelted through the forest, sending up a tidal wave of snow behind me. My paws left indents in the snow as my light grey fur blew back in the wind. I weaved between trees so fluidly that even Mocha would be impressed.

But the thought of Mocha made me cringe. "Oh, she's going to be so mad when the pack finds out I've gone."

Clusters of snow started to drift down from the sky. They would normally look beautiful, but they were toxic to me.

I stopped and glanced around, my ears perked for any sign of a howl. Nothing.

"Where did that lame excuse for a wolf take her?" I muttered, my words frosty in the air.

I resisted the urge to howl; no use him finding me. So I sniffed the air for a scent: nothing but the sweet forest smells.

I took a guess and went left, bolting through the air so fast that the snowflakes barely touched me.

I knew that the pack would be angry at me from separating, but marching around in one big group would attract too much attention. I just hoped that they would forgive me if I brought her back. But if they didn't.....

I suddenly broke into a small clearing. The oaks and ferns formed some sort of barrier around it with the snow. There was a boulder in the middle that held the most disgusting wolf I'd ever seen.

"Sephtis!" I growled.

A mangy black wolf with rotten fangs, broken claws, and scars all over his body from fights perched on the stone. He had murderous yellow eyes that saw only kill and vengeance. Next to him laid a beautiful snowy white wolf with long, sharp ears and a thin snout. Her cloud white fur was bloodied in multiple places: her legs, tail, and her.... Her neck.

I gasped in horror at the dark crimson puddle that tinted her neck, my best friend's neck.

She was dead.

"Oh, Cari! How nice of you to join us!" Sephtis sneered. "Won't the pack be concerned by your absence?"

More snow started to fall faster now, glittering in the sun like a hundred tiny diamonds.

I growled at Sephtis, ignoring the question. "What did Li-Mei ever do to you? Why'd you kill her?!"

"Hm, nothing, really. Seeing as how she's Mocha's daughter..."

"Our alpha will come after you with the power of a thousand wolves for killing her daughter!"

"You're forgetting, she's not my alpha anymore. She can't punish me. I've already been exiled, so what's the point in worrying?"

"You're insane."

I bore my teeth and lunged at him with more ferocity than any wolf ever would. I connected with his putrid body and we tumbled around the white ground in a tornado of claws and teeth. I tried to snap at his throat, but he was too wriggly.

When we managed separate, we both only had a few stinging scratches. I wished I had done more damage to his smelly face.

"I'm tired of you killing of members of my pack!" I screamed.

"It was only Olwyn and Abba," he replied without worry.

"Only? Only?! Those are lives, Sephtis! Do you realize what you've done?"

"Oh, Cari," he growled.

Suddenly, he lunged at me. I was taken off guard, so he managed to pin me down with his paw at my throat. I thrashed a little, feeling like a robin in his predatorial grasp, but to no avail. I gave up after he wounded my pride with a snicker.

"You should have thought of that before you betrayed the Cult of Wolfbane," he spat into my ear. "We were given a mission: infultrate what could possibly be the most powerful pack in the whole forest as wolf cubs and take them down. It was simple. It should have been easy. But no, you had to feel sorry for them and really join the pack. You just left me to do all of the work, Cari. All of it! Now I'll complete at least part of our mission by watching you die."

"You and the cult misuse shape-shifting powers," I grunted; his gigantic paw was making it hard to breathe. "We were born with them for a reason."

"You should have thought of that before we joined the cult."

"I was foolish back then! It just took me a few missions to realize that."

"Sixteen missions! It took you sixteen missions of destroying wolf packs to realize that?!"

"Brother, you're not the wolf you once were. You're a disgusting, mad scrap of murderous rage."

Sephtis glared at me. "I'm not your brother anymore."

His jaws opened and secured themselves around my throat and the greatest pain I have ever known flared from my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing for the pain to be over.

"You've made a big mistake," Sephtis growled.

I felt him get off me as the noises of the forest became farther and farther away. I felt the falling snow seep into my fur as I waited painfully for it all to end.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
107 Reviews

Points: 333
Reviews: 107

Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:16 am
View Likes
ChiravianSkies wrote a review...

Hey! It's the Chirave Canicthus here to review your work!
And I'm really darn happy with this. I mean, this is one of the only stories on the YWS that is about animals. Sorry, but I really am a sucker for these kinds of stories. Animals just make it so easy to bend little things to make the story just that bit more engaging, more action-y.

But you didn't change anything. Doing my own fair share of research on wolves, you're completely right for not having the alpha being a male. I mean, there is an alpha male, but the alpha female holds a heck of a lot of power too. Your fighting style reminds me of real wolves, though every time Stephis is mentioned I keep thinking of Rune from Cow of the Wild. But onto the actual reviewing.

I feel like a cult is weird for wolves. It seems too shadowy and human to be a wolf thing. I mean, my mice had organized guilds, so... That's what I mean by changing things around, I guess. Maybe a rival pack would be a better name for it, but if what you mean by shapeshifting is true... They might not be wolves, would they be?

You sometimes change Stephis and Sephtis. It'd be a lot less confusing for you to pick a name and change it around a bit. Just do a quick find and replace, then switch the mistaken name around for the new one.

"Sixteen missions! It took you sixteen missions of destroying wolf packs to realize that!"

Wow. Sixteen packs were destroyed. To be honest, I would be really darn paranoid of new pack members if sixteen packs got wrecked. Being one of the most powerful packs in the forest, too? I'd be patrolling the edges of my territory and attack any intruders until I was absolutely certain the threat was gone. Maybe the alpha is far different from me, though. XD

I haven't seen any grammar problems, besides the Stephis/Sephtis problems. Good on ye. :)

Overall, I really love this. I mean, I sounded really harsh and rough, but I really didn't man to. I was just pointing things out that stuck out to me. If you want to add onto this and make it into a novel, please tell me. I'd be willing to review every chapter. :)
Keep writing! (Especially more animal stories. YWS lacks those.)
*Chirave flies away*

Oh my gosh! I hadn't noticed the Sephtis thing! Thank you so much!

User avatar
518 Reviews

Points: 6546
Reviews: 518

Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:57 pm
View Likes
felistia wrote a review...

Hi HolographicLadybug, Felistia here with a short review on you short story.
First off, I really like that it is about wolves. The way you described the forest and the snow was excellent and really drew me into the story. The characters emotions are very visible in your writing to. The title goes well with the story and the over all story is very interesting, so much so that I wish the story was a bit longer.

I do have a nit-pick or two. (Next to him laid a beautiful snowy white wolf) I think it would sound better if you wrote it like this (Next to him lay a beautiful snowy white wolf) Just a suggestion.
Last thing you use the word felt a lot like in the sentence (I felt the falling snow seep into my fur as I waited painfully for it all to end.) You could write it like this (The cold falling snow seeped into my fur as I waited painfully for it all to end.) Yet again just another suggestion.

Over all I really love the story and all the things in it. Well done and I hope to see more of your work soon. Have a great day\night.

User avatar
35 Reviews

Points: 337
Reviews: 35

Sun Nov 15, 2015 10:17 pm
Amindor wrote a review...

Hi HolographicLadybug, Amindor here.

I absolutely love stories like this, and this one was amazing. There aren't really any mistakes, except for one.

"I gave up after he wounded my pride with a sicker."

It should be "snicker." I'm sure you just didn't notice. All writers do it, especially me. I type pretty fast. I loved this work, and I can't wait to read and review more in the future!! Keep writing on!!

Thanks! I've fixed the problem.

Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
— Kyle Chandler