Young Writers Society

don't know if you can call this a review more just thoughts evoked because of your play but anyways,
I was hoping to get a clearer idea of what "raspberry blowing" actually is.
I mean I'm currently imagining that it's something crude but don't get any crude tones elsewhere in the play so perhaps my imagination has just ran wild.
but in all serious I would have liked danielle to have explained more to klause even if she twisted the truth.
I don't know if what I have wrote has made any sense but all in all i enjoyed the play even though it did confuse me slightly

HolographicLadybug,

Your play is very good. There are a few minor thing I would suggest changing.

1.) When you described the characters you described why they were important. It would help to briefly describe who they are. Instead of saying "person", you could substitute it with "silly, young boy" ((Ex. Danielle: Silly, young boy in attempt to throw a raspberry at Klause))

2.) In Kaluse's line, "The raspberry thet you're going to blow at me." you made a typo. You should probably fix thet to that.

3.) In terms of the story itself, I would describe the setting better. You had a brief description at the beginning, but you barely described it. What does the room look like? What are they doing? Where are they? Are they at school? Are they at home? Are they outside? Why are they there? ((Ex. Setting: The wind is blowing against the soft, mushy leaves. Klause and Daniel are seated next to each other playing a game of cards. Klause sits center stage as he begins to speak with Daniel.)) This allows the readers to have a feel for where they are and what they are doing.

4.) Overall, this story is very good. The character descriptions and setting could use some work, as well as the minor error found in the play. The plot itself was great and it made an excellent play. Keep up the good work!

Keep Writing!

~21gmu

HolographicLadybug,

Your play is very good. There are a few minor thing I would suggest changing.

1.) When you described the characters you described why they were important. It would help to briefly describe who they are. Instead of saying "person", you could substitute it with "silly, young boy" ((Ex. Danielle: Silly, young boy in attempt to throw a raspberry at Klause))

2.) In Kaluse's line, "The raspberry thet you're going to blow at me." you made a typo. You should probably fix thet to that.

3.) In terms of the story itself, I would describe the setting better. You had a brief description at the beginning, but you barely described it. What does the room look like? What are they doing? Where are they? Are they at school? Are they at home? Are they outside? Why are they there? ((Ex. Setting: The wind is blowing against the soft, mushy leaves. Klause and Daniel are seated next to each other playing a game of cards. Klause sits center stage as he begins to speak with Daniel.)) This allows the readers to have a feel for where they are and what they are doing.

4.) Overall, this story is very good. The character descriptions and setting could use some work, as well as the minor error found in the play. The plot itself was great and it made an excellent play. Keep up the good work!

Keep Writing!

~21gmu