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Blow Raspberry

by HolographicLadybug


Blow Raspberry

Characters:

Klause- young boy (around ten to fifteen) who is being subjected to raspberry blowing. Wears blue clothes.

Danielle- young girl (around eleven to sixteen) who wants to blow a raspberry at Klause. She is a bit older than Klause, has a spunky attitude, and wears green or purple clothes.

Scene One

(Curtains open. There is a chair where Klause sits center stage. Trees, bushes, and a park bench are situated (should be near the back) on the stage, suggesting the feel of a peaceful park. There is a peaceful air about the stage.)

Danielle- (Enters stage left) Hey! You!

Klause- Me?

Danielle- Yes! I'm going to blow a raspberry at you.

Klause- (Stands) What?!

Danielle- (Very loud) I AM GOING TO BLOW A RASPBERRY AT YOU.

Klause- (Confused) A raspberry?

Danielle- Yes, a raspberry

Klause- Ummmm..... Why?

Danielle- Because I want to.

Klause- Then where's the raspberry?

Danielle- What do you mean?

Klause- (Steps towards Danielle) The raspberry that you're going to blow at me.

Danielle- (Super confused) What?

Klause- (Shouting) English? (Starts to make exaggerated hand gestures) Do you speak English?

Danielle- (Hits him in the back of the head) Of couse I do, you moron!

Klause- Well what about that raspberry?

Danielle- You don't need a raspberry to blow a raspberry!

Klause- Why not?

Danielle- Because this is blowing a raspbery. (Blows raspberry)

Klause- (Realizes what she meant) Oooooohhhhh.... (Realizes what she just did) Why would you do that?!

Danielle- Because I wanted to. (Skips off stage left)

(Klause starts to charge after her and curtain closes)

End of Play


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17 Reviews


Points: 669
Reviews: 17

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Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:39 am
woeth wrote a review...



don't know if you can call this a review more just thoughts evoked because of your play but anyways,
I was hoping to get a clearer idea of what "raspberry blowing" actually is.
I mean I'm currently imagining that it's something crude but don't get any crude tones elsewhere in the play so perhaps my imagination has just ran wild.
but in all serious I would have liked danielle to have explained more to klause even if she twisted the truth.
I don't know if what I have wrote has made any sense but all in all i enjoyed the play even though it did confuse me slightly






A 'blow raspberry' is where you stick out your tougn and make a "Bbbbbtttttt" (or "Ppptttttt") sound. It's nothing crude at all. Thanks for the review.



woeth says...


oh lord, apologies for my corrupted mind haha. no worries x



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13 Reviews


Points: 201
Reviews: 13

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Sat Dec 12, 2015 2:45 pm
21gmu says...



HolographicLadybug,

Your play is very good. There are a few minor thing I would suggest changing.

1.) When you described the characters you described why they were important. It would help to briefly describe who they are. Instead of saying "person", you could substitute it with "silly, young boy" ((Ex. Danielle: Silly, young boy in attempt to throw a raspberry at Klause))

2.) In Kaluse's line, "The raspberry thet you're going to blow at me." you made a typo. You should probably fix thet to that.

3.) In terms of the story itself, I would describe the setting better. You had a brief description at the beginning, but you barely described it. What does the room look like? What are they doing? Where are they? Are they at school? Are they at home? Are they outside? Why are they there? ((Ex. Setting: The wind is blowing against the soft, mushy leaves. Klause and Daniel are seated next to each other playing a game of cards. Klause sits center stage as he begins to speak with Daniel.)) This allows the readers to have a feel for where they are and what they are doing.

4.) Overall, this story is very good. The character descriptions and setting could use some work, as well as the minor error found in the play. The plot itself was great and it made an excellent play. Keep up the good work! :)

Keep Writing!

~21gmu




21gmu says...


I apologize, it was accidentally submitted twice.





Don't worry. It's happened to most of us.



User avatar
13 Reviews


Points: 201
Reviews: 13

Donate
Sat Dec 12, 2015 2:43 pm
21gmu wrote a review...



HolographicLadybug,

Your play is very good. There are a few minor thing I would suggest changing.

1.) When you described the characters you described why they were important. It would help to briefly describe who they are. Instead of saying "person", you could substitute it with "silly, young boy" ((Ex. Danielle: Silly, young boy in attempt to throw a raspberry at Klause))

2.) In Kaluse's line, "The raspberry thet you're going to blow at me." you made a typo. You should probably fix thet to that.

3.) In terms of the story itself, I would describe the setting better. You had a brief description at the beginning, but you barely described it. What does the room look like? What are they doing? Where are they? Are they at school? Are they at home? Are they outside? Why are they there? ((Ex. Setting: The wind is blowing against the soft, mushy leaves. Klause and Daniel are seated next to each other playing a game of cards. Klause sits center stage as he begins to speak with Daniel.)) This allows the readers to have a feel for where they are and what they are doing.

4.) Overall, this story is very good. The character descriptions and setting could use some work, as well as the minor error found in the play. The plot itself was great and it made an excellent play. Keep up the good work! :)

Keep Writing!

~21gmu






Thanks. I'll get right on to the changes. :)




[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] RavenLord: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— RavenLord