Waltz With me

Wow I just love this!
Some minor changes. The word go in the second line. It feels kinda *searches for the right word* bland. I personally would go with turn, spin, or something like that.

Honestly, I have fallen in love with this poem! I just wanna steal it and make it my own! (Don't worry, I wont. That's just the jealousy talking.)

Keep writing!

Hey, Hippyhoodrat! I'm Artemis28, and I'm here to review your work! Uh, obviously. XD Happy Review Day and go Team Tardis!

So, just with the title. You have beautiful capitalization for the first two words, but it drops off at the end! If you need to lowercase anything, it should be "with". But "me" should definitely begin with a capital letter.

Secondly, towards the end, there's a little grammatical error. "Ill" should be "I'll". Easy mistake, nothing to worry about.

"Ill never stop moving though"

I like how you talk about the fact that this person you're dancing with, his rhythm is gone and all the shine has left, but you still love this song. It was a very nice poem, and quite beautiful, too. Good job on this, Hippyhoodrat, and never stop writing, no matter what!

-Artemis28

I truly enjoyed this poem! Just a warning, I am a nitpicker, so I'd like to point out a few nitpicks I have. Don't take them personally, it's up to you if you'd like to change them or not

"We go in circles every time"
The word "go" in this second stanza doesn't really sound right. You could change this up and use so many different words in place of it. Example: "whirl," "twirl," and "spin," to name a few. I feel like a more descriptive word would be fitting here.

"We don't ever stop swaying
We might forget the steps"
I feel like the second line here could be a little more eloquent. Perhaps instead: "Though we may forget the steps." I feel like it would flow better this way. I don't like the word "might," here, it sounds too casual.

"When my eyes look up and only meet your temple
you no longer have rhythym
I step on your feet"
I really enjoyed this stanza, but "rhythym" should be "rhythm." It's a common error! I always have to use spellcheck in order to remember how to spell rhythm correctly, ha ha!

"Ill never stop moving though
because your hair is the perfect shade in ballroom light"
You may want to add a comma after "though."

Besides these few nitpicks, I enjoyed this piece. It is simple and quite lovely.

Great job!

Happy writing,

Kali Lennon

Damn girl! Can someone just turn the music up and hand over a partner for me to dance!
This poem is splendid señorita! Very pleasing to the ears and gives an effective mood to the reciter.

I see a beautiful picture portrayed as i read the lines of the two dancing without stopping and especially the last stanza when you wrote

'your hair is the perfect shade in ballroom light'
'your heart beats in time with my fav song'

Girl, mmm that just spiced up the entire piece of art you got there love!
Love the idea that the partner is no longer feeling the rhythm it just gives a clear
message about someone loving another though the same amount of love is not returned.

Nice work you got there! Keep producing beautiful art like this baby here.
Cheers!

Hello there Hippy Hood Rat,
It's MergSword here with a review!

Awww....love! Lovey lovey love lovely love. I love it! It seems like the love poems are the best of them.
Here are some memorable lines to me.
The music you've chosen sends shivers up my spine, this reminds me of how I'm forced to dance to some songs I don't like.
I step on your feet, lol, awkward......but hey, I'm a horrible dancer too.
and your heart beats in time with my favorite song, awwww.....lovely lovey, love.

As for the punctuation and neatness....

I don't like the way the lines are separated without any commas. It seems to deduct the neatness of the poem. Also, it says ill instead of I'll.

Also, don't use perfect too much, replace it with synonyms or other similar words.
Here are some: Fabulous, splendid, lovely, beautiful, wonderful and a few other words.

Also....the ellipses.

Anyway if I had to rate this poem.....7.5/10 in my opinion.
Great Job!

Hi Hippyhoodrat!

I like where you've decided to go with this poem, you're not saturating your reader in details we may not care about, even if the narrator does. This gentle take on love poetry is one that has a much more lasting feeling to it, I like it.

Where I think one of the clearest mishaps is happening is the use of ellipses. I like them as much as the next person, they lend a mystery and a expectation to a line that feels really comfortable some times. However, I don't think mystery or expectation are really corner stones of your poem, so this particular use of punctuation just seems very off. Consider removing them, I think it will only be good for the poem rather than bad.

I love your second stanza, "we know other shapes" is just such a simple, beautiful line and I can barely get past it, I like it so much. The rest of your poem needs to take a look back at this and think about it. You lose some of that simplicity as the poem continues and it becomes much more cluttered with description. You pick it up again in the second line of the final stanza, which is a super excellent one and I love it. It is, again, simple and perfect and gives us feeling and detail without being too much or too little. And it's real, that's what we know and notice of poems all the time.

To summarise, lose the ellipses as they're holding those lines back. Consider having slightly more uniform line lengths and take out some of the rambly stuff that's happening. "your eyes tell me someone else has taught you these steps" could just as easily (and I think more effectively) be "someone else taught you these steps".

You have a good poem here, and I think you should be pleased with how it progressed. If you do make any changes to this, please let me know as I'd love to read them.

Thanks for posting!
- Penguin.

Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this lovely little piece.

I really, really like this. It seems like a lot of love poetry is really dramatic and complicated, but I like how this is much simpler and quieter. Anyway, on the the actual review!

Punctuation
So, I usually don't talk too much about punctuation, because it's the poet's choice, but there are a couple things I wanted to mention.

First off, why the ellipses? They just don't seem to fit. They slow the reader down a lot, and usually that throws off the flow. You could use dashes or commas instead - dashes won't slow the reader at all, and commas only will a little, but it'll still connect the two clauses. So I'd recommend doing that.

Your punctuation also isn't very consistent. You have absolutely none, except for the ellipses and one random comma. I'd recommend going back through and thinking hard about the punctuation. Think about where you want your reader to linger over something, or where you want them to speed up. Punctuation is all about controlling the speed of the poem.

Nitpicks

When my eyes look up and only meet your temple

Ill never stop moving though

I'll admit: I think this relationship is on the rocks. This is a couple that know each other too well, and seem bored with one another. Was that your intention?

You have quite a way with words, though. This poem seemed very intimate and sincere; very observant and thoughtful. Sad, but beautiful.