z

Young Writers Society


12+

Teach me

by Hippyhoodrat


He taught me what evil looks like when it's gift wrapped
what monsters look like with bows on their heads

He taught me how to fight those monsters
use weapons I'd never held in my hands

He taught me that a dimmed light is still a light
and those monsters are beautiful

He taught me how to touch with only my fingertips
I still don't look at my palms

He taught me how to breathe
My air was cigarette smoke, my lungs thanked him

He taught me how to lose
those weapons could be set aside

He taught me how to give
ears, elbows, hands, arms

I gave him all those things and more
the parts of me that didn't fit in boxes

I even gave him some of my light
dimming all that was left

He took the light in both hands
closed his fists
and left me blind

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Points: 1132
Reviews: 6

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Mon Oct 05, 2015 5:10 pm
DollyDee wrote a review...



Hi hippyhoodrat! I'll happily review this piece :)

This poem was very unsuspecting and at the same time, so subtly powerful!

I still don't look at my palms


This line was probably the most capturing to me out of the entire poem. The word 'still' really made me think of how long the victim has been struggling and trying to keep their head above the waves in this situation.

My lungs thanked him


Personifying your lungs was the perfect choice for this part of the poem. I loved how you included this right before things started becoming noticeably bad for the victim in this poem, because as a reader I assumed the victim was truly thankful for this person in their life.

He took the light in both hands, closed his fits, and left me blind


Wow. The very last stanza could not have been a more perfect fit for this piece. I have chills now, simply by rereading it. You truly have a way with words, and this line left a very lasting impact on the reader! I could picture the scene like a movie in my head, and that's exactly what every reader dreams of.

Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece...I really hope to read more in the future :)




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73 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 73

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Sun Oct 04, 2015 1:26 am
Swordfish wrote a review...



Hello HippyHoodRat,
It's MergSword here with a review for you!

Let's begin. I start with the fact that the "protagonist" of the poem appreciates everything this guy has done for him, a lot of people are unappreciative and this poem just gives off a good feeling.
This reminds me of the classic hero/prince stories. You know, how the hero is taken off to like a master or sow thing who teaches him to battle and trains him.
So I'm in a hurry, so I probably can't give a very long review, truly sorry,but I think you did a great job on a great theme of poetry.




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Points: 300
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Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:42 pm
violet338 says...



This poem is about how much the main character appreciates 'him' for all he has taught her in her daily lifetime process.





Resistance is futile.
— The Borg