sometimes the burn doesn't matter
sometimes the sting is okay
sometimes you will choose to put your hand in the fire
chances are the burn will be exactly what you needed
you will not come away with blisters
all the wounds you already had will be healed
you'll thank the flames
Loving you was like keeping my hand in the fire
never checking to see what was happening to my skin
Loving you was like focusing on the warmth that hugged the rest of my body
you gave me no time to acknowledge the burn
Loving you was like looking at the colors
orange did wonders for your eyes
Loving you was like not caring what was melting
I didn't want to see anything but you, anyway
Loving you was like taking my hand out for just a second
long enough to realize I didn't need my hand anymore
long enough to realize your fire was the only light I had
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello, Ruby here for a review!
So the topic of this poem is really interesting. I like the idea of this paradox fire, one that heals with its passion instead of injuring with its rage. The image of it conveys such a strong idea when you then compare it to love. I thought the poem was starting out a lot darker than it actually was, though.
The repeated use of similes is interesting, and although a bit simple it's executed really well because all of them are so interesting. My favorite was probably the 4th stanza, because the imagery is great: I could imagine that warmth a fire brings to me when I'm around it, and it's so calming that sometimes I would withstand the burn. A love that strong obviously is very powerful. You presented love that anyone would desire, a love that can take away all the pain in the world. I wish!
The final few lines really turn the poem around. It was surprising that the tone shifted so suddenly, but I liked it because it makes a point about love that can get too powerful. It's easy to have it become that you have nothing except for the other person, like the fire being the only light. It's a great message.
That being said, there isn't much of a scheme to capitalization in the poem, which threw me off a bit while reading. Also, the lines switch up their syllables and sometimes go from very few to a lot, which throws off some of the balance.
I enjoyed your work, good job and I look forward to reading more!
My favorite line. It sets the stage for the poem very early on and already creates a lot of thought in my mind. Yes it is true that this can be applied to love, but also even more than that. Life is full of scary things with many possible outcomes. Sometimes you will know things aren't right or safe, like falling in love, but you will anyway. You choose to stick your neck out and hop in the flame of life. Individually and within the poem, really nice line.
The poem was honestly very good. I felt your emotion with every line and knew that all of it was thought of and relevant. Like it has already been mentioned, your lines are not capitalized. Personally, I believe that if you don't want them to be in this poem then they shouldn't have to be. It is your style and your choice. However, there were a few grammatical errors (also previously mentioned).
Focusing on the poem's message- it was clear. I thought about things that happened to me when reading this and connected it to a time in my life when I felt the same.
All of the comparisons in the poem show the different dimensions of love. Great composition, I really liked it.
Hi, Hippyhoodrat! My name is Strozzie, and here is my review: I really like your concept, as well as the informal freeverse style that you use. However, I am a bit off-put by certain traits of your writing.
This is only one line, but there are too many instances of forgotten capitalization and punctuation in your writing. I would understand the stylistic choice to omit these grammatical traits if you had not capitalized "Loving" in every line the word starts. Leave the beginnings and endings as you will, but please at least insert a comma in front of your subordinating conjunction!! The line should theoretically read,
...If you want to leave off the capitals and the punctuation, that is fine. But without that little comma in the middle, your line gets very difficult to read.
In your poem, you address two different "you"s. The first is directed towards the general audience, while the second is directly to your love interest. While I understand where the distinction is, many readers may not see this. I recommend that you change the first "you" into "one" or "they" - this is the formal way of addressing a singular person without using "it" or specifying gender. Here is how the first two stanzas would read if you changed this:
I know this is a bit more formal, but these changes could make your poem so much clearer. Setting aside these minor edits, I really enjoyed reading your piece. Keep up the great work - I hope to see more of your writing in the Green Room soon!