Open Wound

Hey there! Perks here on this lovely Review Day to critique your work, so let's go! First off, I'd like to thank you for asking me to review this. I'm happy to help you out! However, there's quite a few reviews on here before me, so I'm not sure how much of a help I'll be, but I'll try my best. The opening and ending line are really well written and I love them dearly! You seem like a rather intriguing author and you have a unique writing style. I rather enjoy it. Try to be sure though on not just making run-on sentences, and maybe shorten the lines up a tiny bit, and add some punctuation every now and then? That would make this poem flow a lot easier, as I know that the previous writers have already said. Your words got me to feel bad for the speaker, so good job in that. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel sorry for other people. Even though I'm contradicting myself, I must say I like how powerful your really long sentences are. You're a brilliant writer! Sorry I couldn't be much of a help. The other people behind me sadly got here first haha. Well, thanks for asking me for help and for writing this. I hope I helped you a little at least! Have a great day!

-Perks

Hi, Hippyhoodrat! (Nice name, by the way!) RagingLive here to take up the invitation on tearing you apart! Actually, I'm not normally that mean, but you can judge for yourself!

First off, I could sense an emotional strain here, pain but yet a longing. I think that your poem is saying that the person who has hurt the narrator, is the only one who can put he/she back together again. The title was well selected I think, it fit the poem very well.

Formatting
You didn't really have a format or a line sequence. These aren't always needed in poetry, especially free lance, but they can sometime help. In your case, I'm not going to harp about rhyming or rhythm as neither can be forced on free lance. I am, however, going to implore you to format this differently so that it is easier to read.
I noticed quite a few run on sentences and missing punctuation. You might tell me that punctuation can't always be applied to free lance either, but in this case, I'm going to tell you that it should.
Since you have really no formatting whatsoever, a reader needs the punctuation to be a compass as to how this poem must be read, otherwise, the reader is lost. Doing something that loses your reader is one of the most critical mistakes that writer can ever make. Fix the formatting, and I'm sure that losing a reader will be the least of your problems.

Things That Need Improvement
Here I'm going to walk you through most of what I saw. I don't want this to get too long, though, so I'm going to point you in the generic direction.

The first line didn't quite grab me and in fact, was kind confusing. I think that it just needs a little bit of brushing up and maybe a bit of condensing.

You keep reopening the wounds I've done everything to repair but with no luck because all the stitches are crooked and I mean, I'm bleeding anyway so I'd really just appreciate it if you looked away because your eyes only tell me that you don't see me or my stitches.

I think I'm just asking you if you could start hitting me in a different place because my gut is sore and I'm afraid that when my stomach rumbles from hunger, it'll roar about all the blows it's suffered at the hands of your relentlessness Or maybe I'm just asking if you could stop choking me because my face is getting a little blue and I think people are starting to notice or Maybe it's just best if you grab some needle and some thread because you always knew how to sow me up in a way that would make me proud of my scars.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking but I know that my scars, and my stomach, and especially my stitches need to know your answer because I'm coming undone and my seams are starting to fray.

Hi there, and here as requested! :3

First thing: I loved the metaphor at the beginning. It's a really good way to begin your piece.

The second sentence, I know people have mentioned before, is a little long and doesn't fit quite right with the rest. I know you said it's a stylistic choice, but long sentences kind of make people lose interest, and it doesn't sound as appealing.

Overall, I really liked this piece and its metaphors about love. You had some good sentences I really liked and you have a good way of expressing things.

I look forward to reading more of your work!

~Fire

Aspiring here for a review! This is written like by prose piece. I don't know if that is a choice you made or by accident. I really like "and especially my stitches need to know your answer because I'm coming undone and my seams are starting to fray." Although you may want to fix the wording removing this like "I mean" and other things like that. It really is up to you. I really like it. Can't wait to hear more!

I really liked the first metaphor, "You are a broken record." It was a good way to start off the story. A few sentences could be broken up by comas or periods like the one "You keep reopening the wounds I've done everything to repair but with no luck because all the stitches are crooked and I mean, I'm bleeding anyway so I'd really just appreciate it if you looked away because your eyes only tell me that you don't see me or my stitches."

I think it would have been better as "You keep reopening the wounds. I've done everything to repair, but with no luck. All the stitches are crooked, and I mean, I'm bleeding anyway so I'd really just appreciate it if you looked away. Your eyes only tell me that you don't see me or my stitches." That gives it a more dramatic feel, I think, and it's not a run-on sentence anymore.

Otherwise, I loved the metaphor of the stitches and scars, and how you are comparing love to a wound.

open wound kinda of striking title for such tragic-romantic poem.the persona desire from the fellow opening his wound is not certain ,from the beginning you will think he does not want the fellow and in the next minute he is desiring the fellow's touch. open wound talks about the persona's former emotional pain but it is still fresh in his mind but all the efforts made by him to cover up the past has proved abortive. but the person opening this open wound is beseech by the persona to stop because it is reviving the wound and the acompaning pain.but toward the end,the persona is torn between letting the fellow to go on because he thinks that the fellow has the solution to this wound and letting the fellow go off. but the poem end with the tone of perplexity. nice work author.

I don't usually read "romantic" things especially when it has drama, but this was really interesting. Was the person's love a surgeon? Anyways, here are somethings that I don't like:

In the middle, there's a HUGE sentence that definitely needs to be broken down a little bit.

The second mistake is that, since this a "note" to a person, start with: Dear you, and end with: by me ( Me and you are an example, of course)

Anyways, this was quite surprising, who would think love would relate to... open wounds?