I remember you gave me a dreamcatcher
it looked like our love to me
that web was so fragile
the holes about the size of my nail
It made the most beautiful sound
it's chime matched your voice perfectly
I touch it whenever I walk in the room
the ring will always heal my ears
the feathers were soft
they made me think of your hands
I pulled one off so I could keep it in my pocket
the feel will always tame my heart
I remember it was brown
That reminded me of your eyes
I keep a picture of it on my phone
the color will always make me blush
I really loved that dreamcatcher
I tried to paint a portrait of it once
When I was done, your face filled the page
I couldn't help but think the dreamcatcher was working
Whenever I'm asleep, I find myself staring at you
I'm looking at my dreamcatcher now
but I think someone has been touching your face
because the color is fading
and these feathers are falling
The web has bulletsized holes in it
your words have been tearing the thread
My dreamcatcher hangs in the same spot
but when I come to bed tonight
I won't reach out to touch it
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Glauke here with a review
I really liked this; your imagery was lovely and the poem as a whole felt very personal.
That being said, I do have a few nitpicks.
"it's" here should be "its".
I usually don't comment on capitalization because I feel like everyone has different preferences, but in this case I feel like I should. Capitalization, for me, should add to the poem rather than take away from it - this usually means that consistency is important.
In this case, however, I felt that the capitalization was inconsistent throughout the poem and I found myself focusing more on that than on the actual content.
You started off with a pattern; all the I's were capitalized and that's it. That was good, but then you started straying from the pattern later on:
What I would suggest doing is finding a pattern that works for you and sticking to it. When the capitalization and punctuation are consistent, the content of the poem will really shine through and have more of an impact. Of course, you can deviate from set patterns at times and make it look lovely, but for the most part, consistency is the safest and best route.
The same thing applies to punctuation. You had a few commas peppered throughout this piece, but for the most part, the poem was free of any punctuation. This isn't a bad thing; some of the best poems I've read have had absolutely no punctuation. But again, I would recommend consistency.
Overall, this was a great poem and I loved the concept behind it. I'm sorry if I came across as nitpicky - don't let it get you down. This poem really was very good. You have a gift
Let me know if you have any questions or anything. Thanks for posting this
Glauke
Hey hippyhoodrat! Msho13 here to give you a review
It allows for the poem to present what will be talked about. I do think that it would be flow better if you put when in between remember and you. I loved the imagery you use in your poem. The way you described the different parts of the dreamcatcher and connected it to the memories of somebody was beautiful. I really enjoyed it and it kept me reading.I love how you opened the poem,
I also loved your transition, I was able to see that something had happened to the relationship. It went from being a thing of peace and comfort to a symbol of your heartbreak. Really loved reading it. One thing I would change would be when you're talking about drawing the dreamcatcher you could present the face that you loved it in the past by saying ¨I really loved that dreamcatcher¨ instead of ¨I really love the dreamcatcher.¨ The ending was also very good. You truly wrapped it up well and showed the ending of a relationship and getting over it. I really enjoyed reading this and loved your descriptions. Can't wait to read more from you
Hi! I really love this poem! It has such an amazing flow to it, the lines just melt into one another which makes it so easy to read - it was really good.
Firstly, I like the way you used words to demonstrate how you were changing perspective about the dream catcher, in the first few verses you use words like "heal" and "love", "fragile" and "beautiful" which make the reader empathize with your love for this dream catcher which represents the love for the boy. But then in the last few words, the imagery gives the reader the impression that the dream catcher is worn and used, with the words "fading" and "falling" etc... and then you really emphasize the point of the poem in the last line with "I don't reach out to touch it" - you don't love it anymore or you don't want to love it anymore. I like the way you don't make reference to the boy then, because it leaves it much more open to interpretation and to me, it seemed like you were over the boy too. Because of this change of emotion visible throughout the poem, reading it again I also felt a certain melancholy throughout - which is so true.
I did feel it lacked a bit of structure, but this wasn't necessarily a bad thing because like I said before, it made the poem flow a lot better and allowed the reader to focus on the words and the message. Also on this topic, I noticed that you changed the verse length about halfway through the poem, was this intentional? Or did it just fit with what you were trying to express better?
Anyway, amazing poem - keep writing
Tick tock
This has a great message, and I like most of the style. Asking yourself questions (Who, what, where, why, how?) will definitely help clean it up. Clearing things like structure will make it more enjoyable for the reader. Often times when things are taken out of prose, they end up looking like a piece with a bunch of shifts. I like that each part is like a paragraph, but I feel like it's missing some structure. Keep it organized/even when writing, and this piece will look—and read—so much better.