Sleeping With You

Hello CapitalMonday here to review. I would like to begin on how you rhymed each stanza with another one (sorta like a song, in a sense). I could imagine that many people could relate tp this poem, holding their loves one tight while me i have no one.

Cons:

You should think about writing the lines in stanza form so it could be easier to read.

waiting to explode/but that all slowed this line somewhat confused me since you can not literally wait to explode. it just happens to anyone who needs to explode.

when you wrapped around me I think this should be -when you put your arms around me.

never feeling so adoring -never felt more loving, when I am with you. You want to tell the reader how much you want to be with your person.

Beyond the bad parts, there are Pros:

I did enjoy the rhyming scheme you created to help create the mood for this poem. Also how you used imagery to make the reader to see what you might look like in bed, with your nose next to each other and your arms locked around each other.

That's all for today,
CapitalMonday

Just leaving a comment this time. This is a very touching poem. It shows you really care about this person. I really liked your poem, and hope this person continues to make you happy!

This poem is cute, but the rhyme scheme makes the intelligent thoughts in this seem... immature. I'm in love with the idea of it, and sleeping in bed with someone you love is an unforgettable moment. This captures it, but again, the way the rhyming was done made it seem more like a grade-school assignment than a romantic poem to someone. (Sorry!) I like your wording, just like with the other poems you've written. Keep it up, just be conscious of your syllables and rhyming. If you want to do more rhyming like this, nobody can stop you, but maybe try to use longer or more sophisticated words/phrases.

Firstly, I really love this poem, it made me think of my boyfriend too! So this already a big fat plus! I love when poems are written to where you can relate, quite a bit. I love that you did the rhyming! I think that's the whole point of a poem, is to rhyme but not all people like it so I guess it isn't to important. Anyways, you have great grammar, at least that I read. Keep up the good work!

-nicolebri

Hello, Archer here to review your poem today.

First of all, this is a very sweet poem. I can sense the love you feel for your boyfriend, and it is very touching.

I see no grammer issues, so kudos to you!

Some of the rhymes seem a little forced, and they slow down the flow of the poem. Sometimes, it's just better to leave the rhyme out.

Apart from that, this is a wonderful poem.

Keep Writing,
Archer.

HiImAndy, hello, and welcome to Young Writers Society! I am wisegirl22, and I'm here to review!

The only thing I saw was that "bee hive" is actually one word. Take out the space between those two words, and you have "beehive".

"...as if I'm in a bee hive."

This is totally, really optional, since you can do whatever you want, but I advise you not to do rhyming. I'm a big fan of free verse, and rhyming just makes somebody sound like, 7. But no offense, I think you will definitely be a big writer in th future!

-wisegirl22