She sits at the bottom of the bottle she's been sipping.
The liquid inside swallows her whole.
Her face swollen with agony and he'll pay.
The only way out is from the bottom of the bottle.
Looking up she asks, "How did I get here?"
"Where did my life go wrong?"
One more sip and she's slipping away.
The only way out is from the bottom of the bottle.
He left her there at the kitchen table.
Forcing her to take the next step.
This deep, dark abyss is where she'll stay,
If she sits at the bottom of the bottle she's been sipping.
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Hello CapitalMonday here to do a review. i would like to begin on how this poem could use some fixer-uppers in place.
She sits at the bottom of the bottle she's been sipping May i ask who is at the bottom of the bottle? Is a bug or maybe a fairy or maybe something else?
The only way out is from the bottom of bottle How could that be the only way out of the battle when she could get out from the top of the bottle.
one more sip and she's slipping away I think answered y question before, meaning that she is really wine or something close to that. Still confusing though.
There are some good parts to this poem though like how you describe the girl's face as "swollen with agony" and how the readers might imagine the person in the bottle, trying to escape.
Hopefully this makes sense,
CapitalMonday
Thank you for your review!
EPICnumber1 here for a review...
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi I love reviewing poems because apparently I am better at reviewing them than anything else, so I am told.
I think this poem is very sort because you didn't exactly explain a lot about what it is about and it took me a while to figure out what it is you are explaining to us readers. Other than that it is brilliant not all poems rhyme but I think this one could and I agree with Lylas; I think you should make it flow better and rhyme and try to find some kind of structure.
This poem is brilliant but add more, go in to details, edit it and it could be perfect.
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keep writing
EPICnumber1
Thank you.
Hey! Kam here to review
I instantly was attracted to this title because I tend to read and write more dark things. Very good poem I might add!
My one thing with this poem is that it didn't flow pretty much at all. Maybe revise and add some sort of structure? Rhyme to make it flow better?
Other than that I agree with what iheartluciencarr with everything else.
Think of it this way, If someone had no idea what it's like to be caught up in addiction, then they wouldn't understand what the bottom of the bottle is like. Explain more. Details!
- Kamryn
I'll see what I can come up with. Thank you for your review.
This is a beautiful poem- you did a very good job. There's nothing I think you can do better; this is perfect.
Thank you!
I really enjoyed this. It's very simple, and incredibly poignant. I have expirience with abusive relationships and addiction, so it hit a very raw place inside of me. I do wish you had played more with the "bottom of the bottle" thing, for lack of a better word. I would have liked to see, possibly, a description of the inside of the bottle, and go a little more into detail about exactly why she is where she is. I do, however, appreciate the questioning "How did I get here?" It's very realistic, and very touching. Overall, beautiful job. I can't wait to see what else you have in store
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for your review.