Just Another Fall Night

Great poem! I really enjoyed your rhyming flow.

I found a very minuscule amount of nitpicks in this excellent piece.

In the following statement:


"My love by my side,
there's nothing to hide."

That was where I found the very first nitpick in this piece.

I think you should do one of three things:

a.) Correct the statement to this:

"With my love by my side,
There's nothing to hide."

b.) Second correction that would work:

"My love is by my side,
So there's nothing to hide."

c.) The third and final correction choice would be:

"My love by my side,
We have nothing to hide."

The only other and final nitpick that I found in your wonderful piece of writing was this:

"and its a beautiful sight."

In correct grammatical terms, "its" should really be "it's" because as far as I am aware of, you meant it as a contraction and not a possessive word.

So, in summary, it should be correctly:

"and it's a beautiful sight."

Those were all of the nitpicks I found. I didn't find a lot -- GREAT WORK!

Your poem sets a happy, comfortable and fun mood. I enjoyed it a lot. Glad to be your reader and first review!

Keep on writing

Of the highest regards,

-- Sophia ( sbf1102 ) <3

Hello! I'm here for a review.

I am no professional poet, but I do spot some slight mistakes here and there. Here are just a few of my nitpicks:

"An icy bottle of beer,
with nothing to fear."

There was no real purpose for the second line. Would "nothing to fear" contribute anything towards an icy bottle of beer? Is the bottle supposed to be scary and monstrous? Think twice about this.

"A blazing fire,
brings a warm desire"

Now, this part I like a lot. I like the flow of the words, it's natural and not too abrupt.

This poem wasn't too balanced and/or exciting, but I do enjoy some parts, as stated above. Keep improving, you'll pass through in no time.

-Lisa

Yo, Andy.

This piece doesn't do much of anything for me. Essentially, in the spirit of bad country music, it's a simple list of images and things that the writer hopes the reader can attune to. That said, your imagery doesn't quite balance out. It's cold, you're drinking cold beer, but you scatter the remainder of the first half with weak warmth images. Basically, it's the beer that's throwing me off. Sure, all country folk drink beer as cold as they can get it, but I've never personally sat out in the cold and thought man, I'd really love to be colder.

Beyond that, there are obvious forced rhymes that amount to nothing with literary value:

ready to seal fate
with nothing to fear
there's nothing to hide
now the night will never end
but nobody's caring