The Cafe was a small private deal. Griffinkeeper was eating breakfast with Silent Aviator. Silent Aviator was definitely armed, but what can one expect from a Marine? It was a pleasant morning, the small narrow streets weren't crowded at all.
In fact, they were empty.
"SA, did you notice that-" Grif cut himself off as Silent Aviator brought out his Desert Eagle Pistol.
"Yes, I did. Here, take this," he said as he handed Grif an M9 Beretta.
"Couldn't it just be coincidence?"
"I don't believe in coincidences. Would you get the check? I want to take a look outside," Silent Aviator said as he got up. Grif turned towards the waiter-
...just in time to see him pull out two Uzis! Then things went to hell in a handbasket.
Sub-machine gun fire ripped through the room as Grif dove for cover. Glass shattered as bullets ripped through the windows. What happened next was a blur. Silent Aviator popped up and fired his Desert Eagle three times in rapid succession. His head promptly exploded in a red puff. Grif stood by stupidly as Silent Aviator looted the body. He grabbed the Uzi's and some ammo.
"Who are these guys?" Grif asked.
"Ever hear about the Integral Network?" Silent Aviator asked.
"What's that?"
"It's a terrorist organization bent on world domination. Recently, they've been kidnapping mathmaticians. Are you studying calculus?"
"It's only intermediate calculus!"
"You're lucky I'm here, otherwise you might be heading back to their secret headquarters."
"What secret headquarters?"
"I haven't found it yet," he said smiling. He pulled out a PDA.
"See if you can find out what's on this."
"I'll see what I can do."
"Do it quickly, we're going to have some company..." At that moment, automatic fire flew over their heads. They ducked behind the counter as the bullets impacted on the other side. Silent Aviator fired over the top of the counterwith the Uzis at a devastating rate of 600 rounds per minute. The Terrorists returned fire with more machine gun fire. Grif looked down at the PDA and tried his best to ignore the bullets.
"Hey SA! What's an SMAW?"
"Why do you want to know that, Grif?"
"Integral has bought a whole mess of them!"
"Get out the back door now!" Grif ran as Silent Aviator unloaded the Uzi's. One of the terrorists brought up a large tube on his shoulder. Silent Aviator's eyes went wide as he looked down the barrel of a SMAW anti-tank weapon. The terrorist pulled the trigger, sending a rocket streaking towards the Cafe!
The rocket detonated against the counter, which caused a massive explosion that blew out what was left of the windows.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I liked this very much! It reminds me of a mix between Tropic Thunder and Hot Fuzz. Like everything is said very fast but in a serious tone and it's really comical!
Sorry I couldn't say anything else vaguely helpful or detailed, but it was just amazing. I'm not too good on critiquing things that make me laugh.
~BTM
This is sooooooooooo awesome. I love the bit where Nate says ''I'll try contact the YWS Commandos.'' ''I thought they did'nt exist!'' ''They don't.'' That is so awesome. Like you.
Hmm... this story needs some work. I'll be doing some updating of it.
Hooray! I was mentioned! A whole line of dialogue just for me!
It's almost like riding the tea cups at Disney World, except better. Griffy's Fanfictions: Where Dreams Come True. 
I've always wanted to be in a fanfiction.
And I have to second and third and bazillion any suggestion that the two calculators have it out in a mud wrestling contest. That would be beyond awesome.
Speaking of which, there should probably be a mud wrestling match between both calculators...
Texas Instruments rues the day it met an HP in terms of Calculus
Keep it comin' Griffy Poo!
Though you can easily do 2nd + 7 with the same stuff...
It's true. I also make a reference to it here:
This actually describes how to get to the integrate command for a TI-89 Calculator.
Hehee. Dusky, we rock!
Sniff, sniff... tear, tear... poor armory.
- I don't know about that, but I immediately thought of the Mythbusters episode where they see how fast a bullet travels through water.
- *snicker snicker*
*pouts* I wanted to drive...
Although my statement of "I don't usually shoot things" is actually one I seem to remember having said in real life. *is surprised by just how much Grif's version of her is turning out to be accurate*
And I miss the armory too. I liked seeing Phoenix play with the weaponry. *sniffs*
For those who don't know, "integrate" is an order for a calculus command. Grif and I are taking a calculus course. The rest of the class dropped -- we're the only ones left. "Integrate This!" therefore was started after a particularly grueling math test. It's not really supposed to make sense, I think/hope. Anyway, by the time this story is finished, you'll probably see some equations. After all... since we are in a yellow submarine, I suppose this means we'll be doing chapter 8 again.
Poopi. What the ***** is this? (self-censored) This story-thing-majiggy is...out of control! I dont even know what it is anymore...its long since spiralled out of the Wonderful World of Random Weirdness and into....um *tries to think of a name, fails, and begins to swear violently*...something else.
This is a totally rational, straight forward post.
*looks around suspiciously*
*glares*
Aw....but...but...the ARMORY? It's...gone? Just like that? *tears form*
But I LOVED that armory!
...I love gaming more though...oh well...
!
NOOOOOOOO!
*sniff* my G36 was in that armory!
*looks at incredulous stares*
*runs away, hides behind the Empress*
"Well, at least it won't get any stranger today," reflected Grif. He had started the day in a Cafe eating breakfast with Silent Aviator. Now, by some madness, he was riding in a Yellow Submarine along with a mythical assault team. He began to count the number of times he had nearly been killed that day. He was pretty sure it was seven, but Firestarter's driving may or may not count.
As Grif sat reflecting, another battle was going on.
"I want to drive." Dusky said to Snoink.
"No. Pick me!" Mesh cried.
"Let me drive," Firestarter said.
The room was silent.
"The last time you drove, you took us off a cliff! I mean- why don't you go to the Engine Room? I need to make sure that they are working well, and I don't trust Phoenix with them." Firestarter looked happy with this.
"Guys, how much time to you spend with Video Games?" Snoink asked.
The room was silent again.
"I spend all my time writing or shooting things. I never got around to playing games..." Mesh said.
"Um... all my time is spent writing. I don't usually shoot things," Dusky said.
"We need someone that is completely useless in all regards except for being an excellent video gamer, someone with no value whatsoever," Snoink said.
"Phoenix?"
"No. He's an excellent sniper. We need someone more useless."
"How useful is a sniper underwater?" Crysi asked.
"That's beside the point. He knows the armory better than anyone else."
"But the armory was on the other sub," Sgt. Salt asked.
At that moment, Phoenix let out a terrifying scream that reverberated from bow to stern.
"Crysi, Salt, why don't you go console Phoenix."
"We still need someone to pilot the sub," CL said.
"When did you get here?" Dusky asked.
"I've been here since the beginning. Didn't you notice?"
"Oh, yes. Of course," Dusky said quickly.
"I wish we left DQ on the surface, he could probably be qualified," Snoink said.
"I wish you were actually serious," Silent Aviator said, entering the room.
"Alright, I'll be serious," Snoink said.
There was another short pause as everyone started thinking.
"What about Grif?" Arieda asked.
"Yeah! He's done nothing but run around dodging bullets. He can't fire a gun and he wastes all of his time playing video games!" Snoink said enthusiastically. She grabbed a microphone.
"Grif, get your gaming butt up here!" Snoink yelled. She felt someone tap on her shoulder.
"It works better when you press the PTT button," Grif said.
"PTT?"
"Stands for 'push to talk'," he explained.
"Whatever. Grif, here is a joystick. Figure out how to pilot the sub. Everyone else, follow me. We need to check on Phoenix," Snoink ordered.
So, Grif was left alone on the conning tower, with a joystick and no gaming manual in sight.
"Okay. I guess now it is as weird as it will get." Grif thought.
Waffles, what exactly did you think smaur was saying?
I still like this.
it r maeking me laff.
HOWEVER!
This:
Is most certainly not the way someone would talk with marbles in their mouth! It would be more around "(!$%^" or "+\*#%!."
but most certainly not "*&$@!"
Blasphemy, I say! Blasphemy!
Mmmpff... HAHAHAHA!
"No me!" "No me!" "No ME!" "Hey, wait, you ran us off the cliff."
(I swears I wrote a reply to this, the other day. Drat disappearing notas. Oh well.)
It's beautiful, Grif. I laughed so hard, it almost made me cry. And if I were to quote my favorite part, it would be the whole thing.
I can just see the fight over the wheel now.
Question: Does being a member of SPEW make me a SPEW Commando? If so MOOHAHAHAHA!!! ('kay I'll be quiet now, just had to get that out of my system.)
YWS fanfiction, definitely!
Yes, this is a joke.
I wonder if this would count as YWS Fan-fiction?
Yeah, I can imagine it now...
"Grif, I don't think you're portraying me right," Snoink said.
"What?" Grif said.
"You call me the Pink Leader. That's fine and all, but I'm also this gorgeous babe with extra shiny surfaces."
"WHAT???"
"Teeth. I brush and floss my teeth daily." Snoink looked at Grif strangely. "What did you think I meant?"
"Nothing, nothing..."
This is still amusing...somehow. 0o ^_^
And I think following the debating debacle concering characterization - you should add a huge dispute between some of the SPEWers over whether they're being treated like they ought to be, or acting they way they're supposed to act. ^_^''
If I were in this, I might be a half-crazed peanut loving nut who has crossed eyes...or an Imp. But it wouldn't matter, either way, would it?
Yes, it's a joke.
It is a joke, isn't it, Grif?
My God... what have I done?
Probably the best f'n thing ever! More please.
I thought you were directionally challenged, Mesh?
Hehe... maybe she should drive just for a plot twist! We would find ourselves on Pluto in no time!
oh goodness.. Grif? that was beautiful.
if Dusky can't drive... can I?
And I second Ari and allowing a certian group to show case their talent! Or, they could drive the rest of the SPEW Commandos mad. Actually, I like that idea better..
WAIT! I have a hitman!
Chill out DQ: Grif is totally ripping me throughout this story but I find it amusing. Nothing of anything I have done in the story mirrors the real me at all, but it's funny anyway.
Trust me DQ, everything in this story is highly exaggerated or outright made up. Your character is no exception. Were this to be completely realistic, the story would be much more boring.
Examples of unrealistic things: SPEW Commandos, Integral, Chimp City, Yellow Submarine, SPEW Commando Submarine, Commandos owning assault weapons, Commandos being able to fire assault weapons, Commandos being able to fire assault weapons easily or accurately, Smaur keeps marbles in her mouth, SPEW, and the list continues.
Drama this is not, nor is it realistic.
*shrugs*
It's only for fun.
If it makes you feel better, I have a slight suspicion that freakforchrist and I am going to battle ... with me losing. Don't you love brothers?
*sigh* such a waste of a post but what ever....
simply put
I Hate You
not simply put
you can't portray me at all, thats not how i act, i am extremely anti-social, and don't beg, i like fire, explosive, fire arms, and music.... sheesh. at least take the time to read the interests on my profile. wont take that long to translate, just google
: german to english, copy and paste then read.... lazy boy.
*grins*
Griffy m'dear, you've mastered my character. Bravo. Fantastic.
Don't let Dusky drive. We'll all be dead as soon as her hands touch the steering wheel, or whatever it is they use to steer in submarines.
he he... How nice and blunt of me! *grins*
Oh, and I love the boat! Can I drive?
*cracks up*
Yeah, that's a very Snoink thing to say... I love it...
Poor DQ. *pats head*
But why am I the one to refute the use of the Yellow Submarine? I love the Yellow Submarine! Maybe I'm secretly scared of puffer fish or something. But... what about... you know... that certain group... who is now in the story, but has not yet been given an opportunity by their fabulous author to showcase their fantastic talent... *cough cough*
If you're out of plot ideas, just make the quartet drive everyone crazy. *cackles*
LOL! Poor DQ...
Ah, amusing is the only that comes to mind here, and my my you are unning out of ideas, arent you griffy. Still, it was funny and thats your purpose in life, to amuse. Now dance puppet, dance! *fires gun at griffy's feet, yodelling*
Sorry, couldnt resist that.
(Jigsaw, I was out of ideas. Unless you want me to put them on swivel prayer mats...
Didn't think so.)
The Miata had only parked when the bus rammed it. The occupant had left the vehicle and was now running towards a speedboat. Silent Aviator arrived too late and watched it go towards a large yacht. He pulled out his binoculars.
"Disco Loco," he read.
The SPEW Commandos showed up seconds later.
"How did you find me so quickly?" Silent Aviator asked.
"I don't know, perhaps the author is getting lazy," Crysi mumbled.
"What?"
"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC!" she yelled. Snoink looked skeptical, but said nothing.
"So, that's the Disco Loco?" Firestarter said.
"That's it," Silent Aviator agreed.
BLAM!
Phoenix had fired his Sniper Rifle. A second later, a random deckhand on the Disco Loco fell down. The yacht accelerated, leaving the harbor.
"*&$@" Smaur said.
"What?" Grif asked.
"Sorry, I forgot to take the marbles out," Smaur said.
"C'mon, let's grab a ship and go find them," Phoenix said.
"I think I have just the one," Sgt. Salt said. A few minutes later, they arrived at the pier of the ship.
"Voila!" Sgt. Salt said.
"We can't take that!" Areida said.
"I know! It's from Liverpool!" Grif said.
"Liverpool or not, we need to follow them," Snoink said.
"That's right! Let's go!"
"DQ, you're not going."
"BUT I WANT TO COME!"
"Tough," Snoink said.
"PLEASE! I'll do anything!"
"Okay!" Snoink sighed.
"Thank you so much Snoink. What can I do for you?"
"Simple. Stay on the dock."
"That's not fair! If I do what you say, I don't get to come along. If I don't do what you say, I still can't come."
"That's right," Dusky said as she went down the hatch.
"Look, I can clean torpedo tubes, cook food, swab the decks! Just don't leave me here!"
"Mesh, what do you think?" Snoink asked. She shrugged and looked at Phoenix.
"Okay," Snoink said.
"Tha-" was about all DQ could say before Phoenix knocked him out.
"Thanks Phoenix."
"No problem." The rest of the group got below decks as the Yellow Submarine departed.
An hour later four lads from Liverpool arrived at the docks to find there submarine was gone. Fortunately, there was one just like it with SPEW Commandos on the side.
I think a lot of this is supposed to be stereotypes... I'm quite amused.
Leave it to Dono to wreck the car...
Um yeah. Okay, the one thing that bugged me was the prayer thing. Its unrealistic because it wouldnt happen the way you described it. They'd have to purify themselves before hand. They wouldnt just drop and begin praying, for 2 reasons: 1, the floor would be dirty, they'd need their own prayer mats and 2, they'd need to face the right direction first.
Did the terrorists even have to be muslim? Stereotypical.
Other than those personal issues, it was very well written and quite amusing. The clown car was the best thing for me.
Oops! I broke the car!
It didn't take long for the Miata to figure out it was being followed. A reckless bus isn't covert by any means, especially on city streets.
Silent Aviator was in agony. The terrorists were still in control of the bus. If there was some way, anyway, that he could take advantage...
Suddenly, at 12:58, the terrorists went down to start afternoon prayers.
Silent Aviator wasted no time. In a flash, he left the driver seat and began beating up the terrorists, while still in the middle of prayers. An AK-47 went out the window, followed by a terrorist!
Then, suddenly, it was over. The floor was covered by dead terrorists, the bystanders were covered in blood.
and no one was driving!
The bus flew off a cliff!
Then a small clown car went after it!
Inside the clown car, everyone glared at Firestarter.
"You said "Follow that bus!"
"Not off a cliff!" Snoink said exasperated.
"It's only a ten foot drop!" The pavement came up below the two vehicles.
The two vehicles slammed down onto the pavement. They were now heading towards the Chimp City Marina at an incredible speed. Both vehicles had lost their brakes.
Phoenix saw the problem and instantly made a decision. He shot three times to indicate that they were in trouble, which is the standard distress signal worldwide.
It should be noted though that the official way is to fire upwards, not into the engine. The engine died, stopping the car 100 feet from the marina.
The bus on the other hand, did not stop, but continued going straight towards the marina. The bus exploded as it hit, sending up a massive explosion.
Very funny and easy to read. Makes a difference to the books i've been reading recently.
Any problems I noticed have either been said already or I've forgotten them. Looking forward to reading more!
Seconded.
I also heard one's quite the hopper and could probably seduce the enemies... although the other three would have to keep her from having real feelings for anyone on the other side. And one can never do solos.
Beautiful and deadly. Grif, you're leaving the best characters out! Sheesh. Write more, or I'll have to drive over there and slap you. Then deliver Snoink's critique. Hey, that could work...
Well duh the singing quartet is about to turn militant. I heard this rumour that those four are ridiculously attractive and would look quite hot in uniforms and also have smitten several West Point cadets with their charm, grace, beauty, and lovely singing voices, and would probably have the full support of the corps were this demand to turn violent.
*grins*
I second both of the above, and woud like to add my poking powers to that of Dono's.
And the singing quartet is about to turn militant.
Now.. about updates.. *puppy dog eyes* Please?
Yeah! We demand more!
I am outraged that I've had to wait this long. Supply and demand, buddy, gotta keep up.
And if that singing quartet doesn't show up in style... *glares and then grins because is really excited*
Come on, Griffy-Poo, get yer butt in gear and write more! If you don't have more written by the time you read this, I'll personally drive down there and poke you in the ribs with my pinky finger until you give us more!
The masses DEMAND progress!
SPEW DOESN'T EXIST?!?!?!?
Alas!! as i am mention i seem like buddy (is that his name?, i can never remember insignificant people like him) from the Incredibles, i am shamed....
but hey, I'm in it arent I! good additions.
Yes.. i want to see the singing quartet again. And, just who were they? And how come you get the rail gun, Grif? I need to get me one of those.. honestly. And becuase he said he almost did, let's all laugh at Jack for him! hehe. Keep up the good work, Grif (and I just love the siggy, really).
Yes, yes, it's all very good and all...
BUT WHERE IS THE SINGING QUARTET?!
Hmph.
Haha, I like laughing at myself.
Lol. This was just hilarious. DQ was very nicely captured, I think, as a character. Bravo, Griffy, Bravo indeed.
Silent Aviator faced every Marine's worst nightmare: having two terrorist organizations in the same place and not having a weapon. It now became painfully clear to Silent Aviator that he should have paused to grab a weapon, but he had barely gotten up when he had to go into action. A gun pressed up against his neck.
"Listen Infidel, if this bus goes less than 50 miles per hour, I will splatter your brains all over the windshield," A terrorist said.
God...thought Silent Aviator, This is like a bad movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock! He pushed his foot down on the accelerator, frusterated at his inability to do anything.
Fortunately, he didn't have to.
As soon as Silent Aviator dived onto the bus, Snoink organized the SPEW Commandos.
"Dusky, search the Integral Officer. Phoenix, commandeer a vehicle. Grif, take the railgun," Snoink says, handing him a large bore weapon. Phoenix gawked in disbelief.
"How come he gets the rail gun and I get the silly sniper rifle?"
"You DID ask for the Sniper Rifle."
"But Grif-"
"-Wrote an entry on Squills detailing the operation of this rail gun," Snoink ended for him.
"You're evil!"
"Don't I know it!" Snoink grinned.
In actuality, Grif had written the blog post as a purely hypothetical statement. The idea that anyone had actually built one, let alone one which he had described on a purely hypothetical basis, was so improbable that he didn't need to calculate the P-value. The weapon was surprisingly light and for some reason it made him feel more manly and less dorky.
This... thought Grif, ..must be why action heroes are so cool."
"Alright, let's blow this joint," Snoink said.
"I'm on it," Writersdomain said, setting an explosive.
The rest of the SPEW Commandos, went down the stairs. At the bottom, Phoenix had gotten a vehicle. It was a small little VW Beetle. It's former occupants were clowns, all fifty of which were standing on the sidewalk, puttering around.
The SPEW Commandos fit inside the car comfortably. Firestarter was behind the wheel. Snoink rode shotgun. Grif looked around in awe, but Smaur looked around and frowned.
"Snoink, I think we picked up some extra passengers."
"DQ!!!!!!"
It took a few moments for Grif to understand it. DQ was the short name for Darqquon Ql'deleodna, but due to a patent ability for anyone to say (or pronounce) his name, an abbreviaton was necessary.
"PLEASE! Let me join you guys!"
"No, you can't."
"But I look like a SPEW Commando! I even custom stitched the emblem!"
"You can't join."
"Why not?"
"Because the SPEW Commandos don't exist!"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the SPEW Commandos don't exist! They never existed! SPEW...IS...A...JOKE!"
"How can you say that, after all my attempts to join?"
"I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU!" Snoink was about to go on when Firestarter picked up the phone.
"Nate? Yes, it does sound like you're busy. What's that? I can't hear you. Can you turn the music down a little bit? Ah, that's much better. What were you saying? Which do I prefer? Well, you know me Nate, I love them all." At this point, Snoink cleared her throat, while giving DQ a look that could kill one of her character studies.
"Anyway Nate, I was calling to tell you we rescued Grif. Yes I know that's good news. You think it's good news too? Well, then we both think it's good news. Listen Nate, I have some not-so-good news. You see, Silent Aviator jumped onto a bus to pursue an assassin and we haven't re-established contact with him yet. I know that's bad news. You think it is bad news also? Well-"
"Give me that!" Snoink said, putting it on speaker. Music was playing in the background, along with a lot of giggling noises.
"Nate, this is Snoink. With me are some other SPEW Commandos, Grif, and DQ. Can you start rounding up the members of YWS and start prepping them for an assault? We're close on the Integral trail."
"Well Snoink, I'll see what I can do, but I have other things to worry about."
"Just make a post on the announcement thread and be done with it," Snoink said, hanging up.
"AHA! You said the SPEW Commando's didn't exist!"
"WE DON'T!" the SPEW Commandos yelled.
"There he is!" Firestarter said, pointing at the bus.
I think this is reallly funny so far i can not wait for you to continue!
Silent Aviator landed on top of a bus. In front of him, a Miata was speeding in front of him. The bus driver was cautious, but Silent Aviator had some other ideas. With a quick motion, he swung down from the roof, kicked the bus driver out of his seat, and took over the wheel.
"It's alright, I can drive this. It's just like driving a LAV-25," this brought silence, "It's okay, I'm a marine." This didn't bring the sighs of relief he expected.
He checked the rear view mirror. An old lady, two people handcuffed to handrails, and four middle eastern men with automatic weapons, one which looked like the number one most wanted terrorist in the world.
"The miata is accelerating. If you do not catch it, we will kill you," Osama Bin Laden said.
Silent Aviator's ride suddenly became more interesting.
You stole my phrase!!! *jumps up and down* my phrase!
But I forgive you...
And the singing quartet is awesome... Hmm... I'm the fourth person to say that... think there's any connection?
Yay, more SPEW members! Mwahahahaha. This story rocks all the socks in Target. And Wal-Mart. And K-Mart. And any other place you can buy socks.
funnae! Thats what this story is. Quite enjoyable really, but Im confused, shold this be treated as an actual story, or is it just something enjoyable to write and read? I'd prefer the latter but in case its not, this "jumped" out at me:
All in one sentence too. Anyways 'run' works just as good in this case.
Typo - out, right?
So amusing.
I know. It is a pity, isn't it? We aren't mad-members of the SPEW...lack of existence.
"Damage" is an understatement...
Me??? Punish my characters? NEVER! I mean, in my story, one's a slave, one has a terminal disease, one gets his arm hacked off...
Okay. Maybe you're right. But there hasn't been any groin injuries yet in that particular story!
*ponders what damage the gun could do*
Snionk (chortle chortle) pigmask. It makes me giggle. Too bad I am not in spew-the i wuold feel a bigger conection. I can not wait for you to continue. No really I can't.
Zelithon dies from lack of continue-ation. Sad really.
*chortle
I'm mentioned! I'm mentioned!
As it happens, chemical weapons are a poor choice for close quarters operations. The first problem is that you need to be in full chemical warfare suit in order to keep safe. Secondly, they are completely indiscriminate.
So it was the Sgt. Salt, member of the SPEW Commandos, ended up waking up after the firefight. The entire floor was covered with bodies, but upon closer examination, she found them to still be alive. Out of her peripheral vision, she saw movement.
She wasn't the only one awake.
The Integral Leader was in the corner of the room, trying to stand up. The gas had made the sleep hard to get over. She jumped to her feet and lept towards the Integral man.
He pulled out his gun immediately, only to have it kicked out of his hand. She stood directly in front of the door.
"Move out of the way, Missy," he said, pulling out his knife, "Or I will cut your throat."
"Yeah right," Sgt. Salt said. She took out her pen.
"You think you can harm me with that?" He laughed. In a rapid motion, he lunged forward...
...just as Sgt. Salt shot out a burst of ink into his eyes, while she dodged the thrust. He yelled in agony, his hands clutching his face. She showed no mercy. She punished him with a quick series of movements: 2 groin hits, 8 chest hits, and a neck shot. The man was really in pain now.
"Think this is harmless, eh?" she said, before stabbing him with the pen. He pushed off from her and ran for the balcony. Sgt. Salt immediately pursued him. The man jumped off the balcony just as Sgt. Salt caught him.
It is ironic, how the durability of the clothing was now working against the Integral man. Sgt. Salt, seeing his plan, had reached out and grabbed for any clothing she could.
Sgt. Salt was holding him up, not by the arm or jacket, but by the underwear! He was experiencing the most painful wedgie known to man.
At this moment, Phoenix entered the room, his sniper rifle freshly cleaned.
"What the-"
"Are you going to stand there or are you going to help me?" Sgt. Salt asked him.
Another SPEW Commando joined them, this one wearing a pig mask.
"Good thinking Sis- I mean Salt," Snoink said. She now turned to the man.
"Where is the Integral?"
"Home, F3, 2," he spat. Snoink took out her pistol and aimed it at his groin, "When I write, I like to punish my characters. If you don't tell me where the Integral Secret HQ is, I'll make you my next character study," she said, arming the weapon.
"I don't know," he said.
"Who does?" she pressed.
"His name is-" he was interrupted as a dart hit him in the back of the head, injecting the poison. The SPEW Commandos, who had by this time bound and gagged the Integral people, dived for cover.
"I'm on it!" Silent Aviator said, before jumping off the balcony in pursuit of the assassin.
*laughs* I think you just made my day, smar.
Ahahaha.
... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist pointing that out.
Explosions! Violence! Terrorists disintegrating! Seriously, what could be better?
Thanks for including me Griffinkeeper, I'm honored. Good work so far.
Blood makes the grass grow!!!
Love the singing!
EXPLOSIVES! hee hee!
I second (third?) what 'Reida and Mesh said. The quartet is totally awesome.
This whole thing is awesome, actually. Go Grif!
Yes good, keep writing and I will keep reading.
Ah, gunslinger tales. Gotta love 'em. Nice work! Random and out of the ordinary; I like it.
I don't see too much to critique other than what has already been said. "Detonater" should be spelled detonator. Other than that, good job. There are some places where more entertaining words could be used, but it's purely personal opinion regarding that.
Hmmm... it depends. If it's a moose, it's her and if it's a pig...
Of course, he might throw an underhand and choose... NATE!
*duh duh DUH!*
The singing is wonderful. I can hear it verbalize in my ears now.
I really enjoyed this. Surprisingly enough, its not about griffins, although undoubtedly they'll make an appearance. And I have never wanted to be apart of the non-existent SPEW, as much as I do now. *sighs* anyway, as to the text itself.
threw.
We know who they are! Stop repeating it like a bujillion times, well, 4 times. But you get the point.
I'd ask to be included...but I would probably be opposite you. So yeah, it was nicely written, weirdly refreshing, and just a little..arrogant? or obnoxious for one to write about themselves.
Bravo!
~Jiggy.
Oh man - this is the most entertaining bit I've read here, and the most amusing! Wonderfully absurdist...but I'm not going to try to analyse. Analysation - the bane of humankind.
Only vaguely constructive comment would be that in the last paragraph(s) there, you've repeated now two, three times. Probably not necassary.
Oh, and also — I have a sneaking suspicion as to who the Supreme Evil Overlord Person will be...
Hee hee. This is lovely. Singing quartet indeed.
I have to agree with Ari on that point.
And SPEW Commandos, eh? I like that.
the hardest math problem ever, and no time limit? I give you ten mintues. Tops
YES! SWEET!
The quartet's my favourite. Though I can't quite pinpoint why...
8 P-90's concentrated on Silent Aviator and Grif. The integral symbols left no doubt as to who had them. They had been disarmed immediately. Two of the integral members parted, allowing a more senior member of integral to come in.
"A valient effort, both of you. Unfortunately for you, you have walked right into an Integral safe house," the man said. His French accent made Grif flinch.
"It looked more like a bakery to me," Silent Aviator said.
"Ah yes, a convienent cover. Even more convienent since we have a very hot oven. Perfect for eliminating witnesses." Grif gulped.
"Oh don't be scared little man. We're not going to incinerate you, we'll just put you to work on the hardest math problem ever created!" This scared Grif more.
Before anything more could happen, a ring came from the Integral man's cell phone.
"Yes, what is it?" His eyes turned toward his prisioners, "Oh really? No, don't do anything until they move." He closed the cell phone.
"I think you'll be interested in what's going on downstairs." He motioned to another man, who brought a TV. It was delivering security feed...
In ten years of pie making, no baker had ever seen four persons simultaneously burst into song. They were singing loudly.
"By the Sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea,
You and me, you and me, Oh! how happy we'll be.
When each wave comes a-rolling in, we won't duck or swim,
And we'll float and fool around the water.
Over and under and then up for air,
Pa is rich, Ma is rich, so now what do we care?
I love to be beside your side, beside the sea,
beside the seaside, by the beautiful sea."
Outside the window, Writersdomain had finished the plastic explosive coating around the window. She stuck a detonater in it and started to retreat slowly.
Grif watched as the quartet bought a pie and left.
"As I was saying-" the Integral man was interrupted by a large explosion.
Down in the bakery, pandemonium rained. The glass had flown inward, sending fragments towards the counter. Commandos swung across the street into the hole created by the explosion! The commandos quickly eliminated the bakers on the first level. A terrorist jumped down the stairs, only to get blown apart as he was hit by thirty bullets at close range.
Upstairs, the Integral men now were nervous. A man fell as the crack of a sniper rifle came from across the street. The Integral members now aimed at the door. In an instant, the door exploded, followed by several smoke grenades. Smoke filled the room as the Integral men coughed.
In reality, it wasn't smoke, but a chemical that, when combined with air, became a powerful sleeping gas. Within seconds, the entire room was asleep.
And shouldn't Grif be Griffinkeeper?
No, I'm taking certain liberties.
And yes, I can see how the italics may not be working.
Hahaha. This is great. I'd either sound freakishly overenthusiastic or really really obnoxious if I tried to describe in-depth what exactly I love about this (and quickly run out of synonyms for "great", besides), so I'll just stick with quoting what is probably my favourite bit of dialogue:
(Although shouldn't Silent Aviator be the Silent Aviator?)
And I know this is primarily a leisure activity for you, but I'd implode if I didn't critique, so I'm just going to point out that putting all the exciting parts in italics don't really make it more exciting. In fact, they end up detracting from the story — they don't create suspense or a heightened sense of drama or really contribute anything positive.
Like, take this paragraph:
The italics (as we've established) don't help. What does? It depends on what you feel works best — I'd suggest playing around with some different techniques of creating drama and seeing what works best for you. Personally, I think shorter, more concise sentences might work. Instead of having one long sentence overburdened with unnecessary information about the tracer bullets and the high methane atmosphere, pare it down to the basics.
So something like:
Obviously, not quite like that, if you want to include the bit about the terrorist being thrown back by the blast, etc. And this method of storytelling may not even work for you. Like I said before, play around with the dramatic and see what works for you. Just know that the italics don't really work.
(...unless, of course, that was intention, in which case — ignore everything I just said.)
This is lovely and quirky. It'll be lots of fun to see where this goes.
Wooo hooo!!!
Well, I have to be honest... I start skimming once you get really into the gun stuff, but other than that, this rocks Ari's socks. Now when do I make an appearance?
The P-90 is not an assault rifle, it is a submachine gun...
Rather amusing, my friend.
Two figures slid down into the sewer.
"Grif, where did the terrorists acquire the weapons?"
"I don't know. Let me check the appointments function."
"Do it quickly, it won't take long for Integral to realize it hasn't killed us."
"I got it! 314 Baker Street," Grif pulled out his phone.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm calling Nate. He can fix everything."
"Put it on loud speaker," Silent Aviator said as the phone rang.
"Hello?" Nate's voice came over the loud speaker.
"Nate! We have some members of the Integral terrorist ring after us! Can you send a team to 314 Baker Street?"
"I'll try and see if I can reach the SPEW Commandos."
"I thought they didn't exist."
"They don't. Get off the phone, terrorist may be trying to trace it," Nate said. Grif hung up immediately.
"Let's go. I know the way," Silent Aviator said.
Suddenly the hatch above them started moving!
"GO!" They both started running through the sewers. Integral had caught the scent again. Shouts from the terrorists echoed behind them as Silent Aviator went through a series of passages at an incredible speed.
"How the heck do you know how to navigate in the sewer?" Grif gasped as he tried to keep up. He wasn't in as good a shape as Silent Aviator.
"I once did a report on sewer rats for school. All the other kids thought I was nuts," Silent Aviator smiled.
"I see why," Grif said.
"Well, you wanted to know," Silent Aviator suddenly turned right and started to climb a ladder. Grif waited at the bottom, his Beretta 9mm in his hand. He went as quiet as possible as he listened to the splashing of his pursuers. It was odd that he should be holding a handgun in the town sewers while only ten minutes before he had held a doughnut. "Life's little ironies..." thought Grif. He smirked at the thought, only to hear the splashing get louder. Silent Aviator was still fussing with the sewer lid.
In fact, the sewer lid was currently under a black unmarked van. The light turned green, allowing it to park next to 314 Baker Street.
For some reason, the only thing scarier than loud splashing was no splashing at all. Grif's heart pounded as one of the terrorists halted to turn down the passage they were on. Even Silent Aviator was quiet, having sensed the danger.
The integral man advanced with his gun up. The P-90 submachine gun was among the most fearsome weapons in the world. Able to pierce most modern body armor, the P-90 was able to fire a devasting 900 rounds a minute, 300 more than Silent Aviator's Uzi.
"Grif!" Silent Aviator whisper urgently as he tossed a grenade to him, "Use this!" Grif caught the grenade. He peeked around the corner.
The terrorist didn't hesitate. In a second's time, 16 bullets flew towards Grif's head. Grif pulled his head back just in time. The man's face was obscured by a 5 foot flame. Unknown to both, the methane level in the sewer was actually quite high.
"Grif! NOW!" Silent Aviator said. Grif threw the grenade hard. Silent Aviator watched in horror as Grif tossed the grenade, pin still inside it, around the corner. In a sudden moment, the lid flew up.
"GO!" Silent Aviator yelled. He climbed out of the sewer...
only to find a bunch of machine guns pointed right at his head!
Inside the sewer, the terrorist never saw the grenade until it bounced off his body armor. The grenade fell beside him, harmless. Human reflexes, unlike the grenade, actually worked. In the case of the terrorist, they worked instantly. He depressed the trigger, sending bullets down the chamber.
Grif jumped out of the sewer, at around the same time the tracer bullets ignited the high methane atmosphere of the sewer!
A massive explosion filled the corridor, blowing the terrorist back. The grenade detonated, adding it's own explosion to the blast.
Even before the blast was over, the camouflaged soldiers were already moving Grif and Silent Aviator inside 314 Baker Street.
Violent, humorous, and very fun to read.. You are most certaintly entertaining and refreshing, especially after just reading a plethora of angsty poetry.
wow, this is awsome, GO MARINES!!! and griffinkeeper too..
Nice story Grif, i like the plot, nice pace, very cool, i think you should possibly try to use more yws people (hint hint, lol). GUNS, BULLETS, and EXPLOSIVES all over a nice cup of coffee and croissant in the morning eh?. Really cool, keep it up.
I like the plot also I LOVE weird writing-its the only writing buond to make you famous just as C.S. Lewis has shown.
I am freaky for things like this. It would suond better if you got rid of the 'before' or switched it. Anything, right now this line suonds choppy.
I have no right to call anyone else's work choppy concidering my own
Little did SA and Grif know, it wasn't SMAW who was doing the kidnapping, but rather SPEW...
Unless you're Jesus, you don't rose up. Okay? Stood up would be a lot more preferable.
Remember: we love descriptions of tangible things.
Good luck. This is weird.