Hi Forever,
Mailice here with a short review!
It was a very exciting start to a new chapter. I like the way you sort of review everything and then move on to Cehyn. The first half seemed very strong and I'm also very happy to read such a short explanation. You created a great structure and it didn't seem rushed or complicated in any way. Definitely a good plus point.
What I also liked was how you set it up and kept it in a neutral voice to make it seem like the omniscient narrator. Definitely a building block that you can add in future chapters or, for example, in moments where a timeskip can be made.
The second half was also good. I liked that you stayed consistent with Cehyn and how you portrayed her character. Furthermore, she puts the priority of Eliza's health at the highest level and answers all questions only succinctly and without many comments. I think you create a good building of friendship. You also keep the reader on their toes as to what will happen next, because at least I was convinced that we will finally see Eliza getting better.
Other points I noticed while reading:
It was one of the many disappearances that had been happening since 2028.
I don't know if you've included a year in any of the previous chapters, but I like how you set up a short mystery here.
The villagers themselves ventured into the forest but found nothing intriguing except some holes and an eerie atmosphere.
I like your description here. You've kind of created a great contrast between "some holes" and "eerie atmosphere" because it's an external and internal thing that you're describing here. Very great.
The very clever police officers decided to interrogate
The "very clever" can also be very ironic or sarcastic, as you have inserted it. Since it seems to me that you are serious about cleverness, I would rewrite it a bit, like "the most competent police officers".
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Points: 0
Reviews: 1232
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