Young Writers Society

 Hi Forever,

Mailice here with a short review!

You get off to a good start with your first paragraph by revealing some details, and you've structured it well too. However, this structure is increasingly lost towards the end of this first paragraph, because you move on a bit faster than before.

It was the forest, the same forest which had once signified the end of her human life.

Eliza's blonde hair was brown in mud. It thrust against Cehyn's hands. Cehyn could feel Eliza's face, it was as cold and senseless.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baack for another review!!

First Impression: This is a nice continuation of the previous part....it looks like Cehyn successfully rescues here friends...and you pay off all of the tension built in the previous part pretty well here for the most part.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Cehyn was there. She laid on the volcanic ground, the metal box tightly clutched in her hand. At a distance there were numerous people glaring at the volcano; some white with fear, some with their mobiles for recording and some reporters shouting at the top of their voice to report the incident. The sky was just like Cehyn’s kitchen when their chimney was not working. It was full of smoke, Cehyn had to rub her eyes frequently to see the surroundings. Moreover, she was in the mid of hot golden lava enough to boil a human being. It seemed like a huge burst of firecrackers and she was just a small portion of the stick lying unaffected.

Cehyn was back to her senses when she felt a sudden convulsion in her body. She was decreasing in size. It was even more painful than increasing. But, she had no time for herself, she had to rescue Eliza. She looked at the metallic box and tried to figure out its working, but in vain. Then it answered on its own. It was just a minor version of the giant screen in the Trog. It made itself into an arrow and with little understanding Cehyn started chasing it.

The people were too attracted to the volcanic eruption to see a child coming out from it. She stumbled into a number of people before she reached the place. It was the forest, the same forest which had once signified the end of her human life. The arrow stopped directing towards a hole. It must have rained the previous night for the jungle was no less than a swamp. Cehyn didn’t really know the date but she assumed it to be 17th July, the day after her disappearance from the ‘Human Earth’. The condition was worse than the previous day. More than a dozen trees were overturned.

Cehyn peered into the hole, only to see nothing but unconscious Eliza. "Eliza, nothing will happen to you," she called, "I will not let anything happen to you."

She was nearly crying, tears had no barriers. She hastily took up a branch and began digging with all her effort. Miraculously, but not for her, it took no more than ten minutes for Eliza's whole face to be clearly seen. Cehyn pulled out Eliza from the hole.

Eliza's blonde hair was brown in mud. It thrust against Cehyn's hands. Cehyn could feel Eliza's face, it was as cold and senseless.

"Eliza, wake up! Wake up! Eliza," she screamed, "You can't di–"

No, she was not dead, her heart was still responding. Without getting any way, Cehyn sprinkled water from the forest-swamp on Eliza's face and waited for her to wake up. She had to wake up at any cost.

"Uh.. Ah…" Eliza responded, she was moving!

"Eliza, are you okay?" Cehyn asked.

Eliza was breathing very fast. "I am okay." She answered, "Who are you?" Her voice was dull, the everlasting smile was absent.

"Eliza! It's me, Cehyn. Can't you recognize me?" Cehyn was terrified.

Cehyn!" Eliza was miraculously back to her full strength, though that was negligible to Cehyn's. "You, where were you?"

"I will tell you later…Come now, we will just go back."

Eliza shot up. Cehyn had to do the same to support her friend as Eliza was on the verge of falling down. "Where will we go?" Eliza asked.

"To your home, of course."

"Yea… Okay. Let's go."

Cehyn could sense something was wrong but decided not to lengthen the conversation any further in the jungle. They struggled through the muddy jungle but still Cehyn was happy– she was back to Earth and there was no going back. The Gorpies can't tolerate this temperature. Her life would be normal again with her best friend. They were standing in the front of the village where Eliza lived, near the Banyan tree.

"Let's go an then we will go to your house." Eliza declared.

Hi, Forever short review from Realm!

Wow after reading the first sentence I was drawn in this story I felt as if I had been transported into the story! It's really interesting! Is there more coming? I really want to know. This is a really good story! a compliment I don't give out freely. as a book lover, I think this would be a great book someday!

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the lights!" - Albus Dumbledor

have a great Friday!
- Realm

Hey Forever!

RandomTalks here with a short review!

I was a little curios about how no one saw a girl come out of volcano of lying in the middle of molten lava. Sure, a volcanic explosion would cause enough commossion among people to distract them, but still, among all the people and reporters I think it felt a little unrealistic how Cehyn went unnoticed.

It is good to see that Eliza is alright. Again, I am a little curios as how she is still alive having been buried underground. Also, Cehyn mentions that it has been at least one day since her capture, that means at least one day since Eliza went looking for her in the forest. How was she buried for so long and still alive? I think these are some points you should clarify for the readers.

I do have the feeling that something is not right. Eliza seemed too slowed for some reason, too calm and confused for a person just been rescued. Besides, Cehyn made the decision to stay on Earth and lead her normal life. I have a very strong feeling that it won't go well with the Gorpies, especially with how many times they warned her to come back before letting her go. I am genuinely about what will happen now.

Overall, this part was very well constructed. The tension you have created throughout the part ran well with the fast pace of the story. You conveyed Cehyn's worry and her simultaneous relief at finding Eliza alive very well. The descriptions in the beginning were really well developed and you can clearly see the difference in your writing style from then and now.

Without getting any way, Cehyn sprinkled water from the forest-swamp on Eliza's face