This is a product of boredom and having a really good idea running through my head all day. Enjoy!
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Arms outstretched, wind rushing through my hair.
The clouds lazily floating through the sky
Like a raft floating on the lake.
The fresh, cool air against my face
Relaxed me like I've never relaxed before.
The birds gliding across the bright blue sky,
Silhouetted against the luminescent Eye of God.
The fiery orb illuminating the land around me.
My hair whips against my face,
But for once in my life, it doesn't bother me.
I can hear the bustle of the city,
Footsteps falling like the hooves of bison,
The mindless babble of stock markets and tonight's dinner.
Songbirds in the concrete jungle belt out songs that no one hears.
I applaud those songbirds for singing
From the heart to an audience of deaf ears.
I never realized how beautiful everything was before.
I take a moment to reflect on all I've seen today,
Just before I hit the ground with a sickening smack.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
"Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther..." Have you ever read The Great Gatsby?
I think your poem could benefit from going a little more in depth. Here it is a list of pleasant images, but that only makes a pleasant poem, and pleasant poems don't leave the reader with much. I suggest you begin with observation rather than with the epiphany of "I never realized how beautiful everything was before." Something along those lines should be closer to the end, or even not at all! If you focus enough on this feeling and the sensation of wonder at the world, such a conclusion should be inferred and it won't be any fun for the reader if you say it.
I also dislike the "surprise!" ending, hitting the ground. It seemed like such a childish ending to a piece...decide what you want, you know? It's difficult to incorporate this deep, wonder-at-the-world idea with a Shel Silverstein style.
Mostly, you just need to spend more time with this; it strikes me as largely unfinished. So next time you're really bored, open up this file and sit around with it.
Good luck!
-Colleen