My entry for the instructors "On Fire" contest. Inspired by picture #1
Ten Weeks
Ten weeks ago, my hands would be shaking
In anticipation of what I'm about to do.
The cigarette quivering in my mouth
As I bring the flame to the tip.
The initial inhalation of smoke
Throws me into a coughing fit,
But there's something intriguing about it
As I bring it back for a second drag.
The first time, and the last, I said
As I flicked the ashes off the end,
After this, I'm through.
Here I am, ten weeks later.
I've been jonesing for this moment all day.
The familiar smell of smoke fills my nose,
The familiar taste of bitter crud stings my tongue,
And I tell myself, Today, I'm done forever,
While knowing all along that tomorrow
Has a better chance of following through.
It's amazing what a difference ten weeks makes.
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139,656 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Cool. This is so true. Freaking drugs, haha.
I really liked this poem - I figure it's the best on the site that I've read so far. And that's saying something! I really liked it. The beat was really good and the wording - just congrats!
I really need something constructive to say... um...
I can't. It's just too brilliant.
:Sythe:
Good stuff
Love this bit
The mixture of action and thought makes it easy to relate to.
Love it
Peace V
nice job, I thought it was pretty well written. Well done ^_^
I really liked this. I love the rhythm and rhyming. I think this would go better in "Other Poetry". I don't see anything dramatic in this. In one line, the rhythm kind of fades but picks up right away. I'll quote it for you.
Try to insert "in" instead of "into". That keeps the rhythm going.
Also, I think that quotation marks should be inserted in some lines. I'll quote them.
Other than that, it's really good. Keep up the excellent work, Flem!
-Rick.