He watches her dance,
she twists and turns.
Her long blond hair wraps around her,
like a blanket of gold.
The theater lights makes her hair gleam,
with their intense glare.
Even from here he can see passion..
Her passion for dance,
for life.
She is so beautiful.
“Why can’t she look this way?
Look at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes.” He thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He’s still here.
She glances over to the seat in the back,
But she kept dancing like she was alone.
Raising her arms to the heavens.
Why is he here?
She wishes he looked at her the way she looked at him.
But he’s never said a word to her.
He just glances,
Sneaks a peak,
But he never speaks to me.
She thinks as she floats across the theater floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He swallows, gets up slowly walking toward the stage.
“Hello my name is Sam.”
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138,475 Literary Works • 672,141 Reviews
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Hello there..!!
I think this was adorable. Like everyone else said, this poem was rich in imagery. I could see the girl dancing and the boy standing in the shadows watching her. It was sweet. The title is really befitting. It has all the potential to develop into something bigger. It can even be converted into a story, and it would be lovely.
Overall, I like this. Reading this made me smile, so thumbs up there! Though it can be bigger, but that is up to you if you want to go forward with this idea any further.
Good work and keep writing!
Have a great day.....cheers!
Thanks <[]=^{D I just might go forward with it!
Hello,
So, I like this. It intrigues me. I'm not sure why, but the image of the dancer always makes for some compelling imagery. Because of this, however, there have been a lot of poems about dancing girls. So this just doesn't really feel like it stands out. I think that the idea does have potential, and I'm curious to see what you do with it. This seems like it's itching to have its own unique spin to make it memorable, but I'm not sure what it is right now.
I think one thing that would help this is strengthening the poetic flow. If you read it aloud to yourself, it's a bit clunky, the imagery is a bit bare. I want the images to burst out at me, and right now, they're not doing that. Make it feel like I'm there. Make it feel like its seamless to read. Another thing I'm not fully getting behind is the ending. Who is the main character? What are his intentions with the dancer? His feelings seem to me like they're hinging on unhealthy, so that's something to consider.
Best of luck!
Thanks very much!! xD I do have trouble with imagery lol I'll try to make it my own.
So pretty!~
keep up the good work!
The way that you describe the dancer being so focused in her movements makes me very interested to know what happens next. Will she stop and listen to him? Will she tune him out and continue to dance?
The imagery was really beautiful too. The way you described her hair as being like a blanket of gold really got me. It makes your whole poem sound so ethereal and otherworldly.
The switch in perspectives was also great. It makes me root for them as a couple
Thanks xD