Coming to you

fe;llllll lllllllll llllllll nlkfd gkv oirjgoij hlkslk aghlk h hj gr hg dhlghklf dhf d hfd glkhl ksfh hjgf klgfg hjg h gldlh ghjghjg gfhghgf hgfgfh gfhlgsdh gfhjgfh ghjgf hgf hg hlg hjg fhgf hjgfhl lgflghjg hl sl ghjfdkh gerho erhhtoti erojrto troiretho retjio rteji ortejitr ejtrejtr ejtr ejt jt rjtr jtr jtr jj tj tjt jt j tj t. fe;llllll lllllllll llllllll nlkfd gkv oirjgoij hlkslk aghlk h hj gr hg dhlghklf dhf d hfd glkhl ksfh hjgf klgfg hjg h gldlh ghjghjg gfhghgf hgfgfh gfhlgsdh gfhjgfh ghjgf hgf hg hlg hjg fhgf hjgfhl lgflghjg hl sl ghjfdkh gerho erhhtoti erojrto troiretho retjio rteji ortejitr ejtrejtr ejtr ejt jt rjtr jtr jtr jj tj tjt jt j tj t. fe;llllll lllllllll llllllll nlkfd gkv oirjgoij hlkslk aghlk h hj gr hg dhlghklf dhf d hfd glkhl ksfh hjgf klgfg hjg h gldlh ghjghjg gfhghgf hgfgfh gfhlgsdh gfhjgfh ghjgf hgf hg hlg hjg fhgf hjgfhl lgflghjg hl sl ghjfdkh gerho erhhtoti erojrto troiretho retjio rteji ortejitr ejtrejtr ejtr ejt jt rjtr jtr jtr jj tj tjt jt j tj t. fe;llllll lllllllll llllllll nlkfd gkv oirjgoij hlkslk aghlk h hj gr hg dhlghklf dhf d hfd glkhl ksfh hjgf klgfg hjg h gldlh ghjghjg gfhghgf hgfgfh gfhlgsdh gfhjgfh ghjgf hgf hg hlg hjg fhgf hjgfhl lgflghjg hl sl ghjfdkh gerho erhhtoti erojrto troiretho retjio rteji ortejitr ejtrejtr ejtr ejt jt rjtr jtr jtr jj tj tjt jt j tj t.

This is not bad at all. I think the only reason why you think it's bad is because it's so short, haha. Even as a short story it's still a little short.

So let us go line by line!

"She smelt like cinnamon, just this sweet warmth of spices."

Smelt? I think you mean "smelled". Smelt is a word used to melt metal down, haha. In literal terms, it would be that she melted metal as if a cinnamon would. Yeah, doesn't really make sense does it?

"It was intoxicating, she was intoxicating."

Doesn't this line kind of... contradict with the rest of the story? He misses her, he cherishes her, he loves her, yet you describe her as intoxicating when you said that it was a "sweet warmth of spices".

"Well she wasn't, he thought, but she always will be in his mind so does 'she was' still apply?"

Grammatical mistake right here. It's supposed to be "isn't" instead of "wasn't". It sounds a little... odd.

"Man he misses her, his little Macy."

The style of this sentence is off with the rest of the style of the story. Remove the "Man" and it'll fit right in! Because the "Man" seems a little informal to me.

"Even in death you are with me he thought. I still love you Macy. There is no past tense in that. You will always be you, I love you. He thought as he closes his eyes and pulls the trigger."

You should close his thought in quotation marks or something of that matter. It's a little hard to follow right here and can be confusing and is a little awkward. Think about it, "He though as he closes..." See what I mean? It's a odd sentence structure.

Other than that, it's a wonderful story, and I enjoyed it. Overall, expand the idea. My tip for my friends that are writing about emotional stories that involves the death of a character is that you want the audience to be connected with the characters. You want the audience to take a liking into the character and the character's relationships and how they cherish that relationship and their own life. From there, once you've connected with the audience, to the point where they don't think anything could go wrong, snap it. Break the character, and so will the audience.

Hey, it's my critique, you take or you don't take it into consideration, don't care much, haha.

Other than that, Keep Writing!

-Kory

Hello FancyDragon, are you mad at me? xD your last comment on my review on your work made me feel that you're probably angry with me.

Anyway, It's not a bad story. really isn't. it's kind of sad and about things i just don't understand (well, perhaps.)

I think you should add some " ----- " inverted comma to your work. it can help the readers.

And, another thing, why he just pulled the triggers? i don't like it. you should stay alive man, no matter what the fact is. (well, i aren't telling to you, it's to that man)

Anyway, never mind. And, good work. keep it up.

Best of luck, stay fine and in fun!

~Min

Hey, this isn't bad, Just because it was a short story doesn't mean it sucks, you just need to spend more time writing. It is what I do. And no, this was good not bad short story, I found it sad. I enjoyed it, whether it was short or not. Keep up your hands and always keep writing no matter what people say. Just keep going, until you find the way. You will, and you have. I enjoy your work, we all writers start off small. Like me. I started off small writing only a short stories. Now anyhow, good short story, I liked how you pieced it together making it... Just right with a touch of rose to sweeten it. You'll understand what I mean.