Our sins can completely destroy us,
rip our pure and innocent wings right off our backs.
Or our sins can taint our snow white souls,
Twisting them into an unrecognizable and dark.
A color so angry and hateful it may never go white again.
_
Weighing us down so we can't soar above our demons,
instead we become the very thing we hide from.
The monsters that keeps us up at night,
wondering if they will one day go away.
_
My sins have clipped my beautiful wings.
I long to fly again.
Not to be trapped on earth,
but here I stand my sins consuming me.
They're eating me alive.
_
_
Just let go.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
great job!
This is the kind of poem that makes one wonder, and what you've got here Fancy Dragon is one of them poems that makes a person wonder, and it's accomplished very well! It's short, but I enjoy reading short poems that really pack a lot of stuff in them, and that's what separates a good poem writer from an awesome poet!
I'll have to check out more of your writings cause this is really REALLY good work!
The mental imagery can be easily seen with little to no imagination from the way you captured everything from your own artistic visionary skills from your mind to words, it's always exciting to read such poems, it gives me hope that the art of rhyming, and stanzaic has not been lost.
Thank you for this!
Hello CapitalMonday here with a review from the nest! I would first like to begin by saying this poem makes the common person stop and think. Not many poems have that but this one does. This poem makes me think like have my sins chewed my wings off or have they made me one of them, grounded to the Earth without any flight. The reader thinks to himself how might I feel if i was grounded to the Earth without any flight or any way of knowing what might happen.
This poem also uses imagery (in a sense) since the reader can imagine the wings someone then those wings being plucked off (the person screaming on the inside and outside) then as the sins take the feather away, the take the angelic person with them to Earth, chaining them to a pole in the ground (grounding them, unable to fly away from where they are at. The person then sees other people like himself, chained with their hands behind themselves looking at the red-bloody sky.
Hope you enjoy and keep writing!
CapitalMonday
Hi , FamcyDragon
it's me teacake013 here to review.
I thoroughly and truthfully enjoy your work it was breathtaking!
I'm not here to judge your work badly,so don't worry.ok:)
I know it takes a lot to publish you're works so I respect that completely.
So what enjoyed Pacifically in your poem was Because the poem begins with natural language, and a common, easily imagined scene.
I also loved how you put a sudden and dramatic shift in perspective.
I really had a easy time grasping the meaning if the poem.
Over all I like your poem and it's title .
Hope you keep on improving and writing you're heart out!.!
Love, Teacake013
WOW. This poem left me almost breathless! You used great detail and description, and I was moved by your word choice! This poem really spoke to me:)
The only nitpick I have is the line:
"Twisting them into an unrecognizable and dark"...
What are you getting at here? Finishing your thought process here would be great:)
Other than that, I have no complaints! Great job here!
-ljkrogman10
SecreteJournalist here for a quick review!
This poem, might I say, definitely made me stop and think. It was very powerful. Very. Though, I hope you don't mind, I have a few nitpicks.
Unrecognizable and dark what? It might make a little more sense if you get rid of 'into an' so it says "Twisting them unrecognizable and dark."
"We instead become the very thing we hide from." Seems to flow better, though this is just a suggestion.
Though this idea relates to the poem, it seems to be thrown in there (like a run-on sentence). May you possibly introduce the sentence a little bit more?
This confused me a little bit, probably because it is a little strangely worded. Thats just my opinion, though.
Again, I'd love to mention how powerful the ending was. I just. It's great! I'd love if you could post more so I can read and review it... please! c:
I hope this helps! Very powerful poem, indeed. c:
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Hello there!
Okay first off, I love this poem! It makes an emotional impact, I can really feel what you wanted to portray.
There's one part that I did notice, but it's just a minor wrinkle in the flow "Twisting them into an unrecognizable and dark" Is what you put there, I think it would flow better if it went "Twisting them into unrecognition making them dark" I don't know if that would be better, what you have is good! =D
Keep up with the good work! Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you for the review and i see what you mean that line was a last minute fix at irst I was talking about wings xD Thanks alot!
You're welcome.
I really liked this poem!! There were not any errors at all, which is pretty amazing! I feel like it hits that one spot. Thanks for writing!!
**Jordan**
Thanks alot xD
Beautiful!
Thank you xD
I liked the poem. It has great and beautiful words attached to it. I would suggest working on it though. Sometimes it is hard to understand. Also you need to capitalize. You did good! Keep writing!
Some words are not capitalized because they are not supose to be lol but thank you for the review!