Close to Almost

Heya, Eevee! Casanova here to do another review! I"ll be looking at this one over all, so bear with me.

I would like to say you describe everything a bit better in this one than in your previous poems, so props for that! It's not the best and you still list things, but it's not a shopping list so I do think you've improved to that.
Another thing I'd like to say is that your poems seems close to lyrical. If I read them as lyrics, what seems weird as a poem doesn't seem weird any longer, if you know what I mean? This seems to fit as a good pop song, so I say give it a shot and mess around with it. See where you get.
The other thing I'd like to bring up is the weird rhyme scheme. The last two lines of each stanza are rhyming, but not the first two? Why the odd rhyme scheme, exactly? I feel as if at times your lines are just to keep the rhyme flowing, so I would suggest looking at what you're saying before using rhyme. When you rhyme, at points, you're sacrificing exactly what you want to say, and flow, for rhyme. And to me what you're trying to say is more important that rhyming. Play around with what you want to say. And if you find you still want to rhyme? Try rephrasing and using different words. Just experiment with it until you find you get it right.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one. I hope this helped, at least a bit. I'm moving on to your last one, now.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Your friend, Cassy.

Hello everyone!! I'm back for another review!! I really enjoyed this poem, the topic was a good one. I liked how in the poem the narrator never really got there at the end,I guess that a lot of story's end with that perfect ever after,except for a select few. This is what drew me to this poem, overall this poem was smooth and that perfect touch of emotion that kept me elated. I also enjoyed how you kept on repeating how they were so close, I guess that you REALLY wanted to get that message through to the reader. I know that this is one of my shorter reviews, but I have really nothing else to say about this amazing piece of work. Keep it up and until next time,LadyRanicorn out!!

Hello everyone!! I'm back for another review!! I really enjoyed this poem, the topic was a good one. I liked how in the poem the narrator never really got there at the end,I guess that a lot of story's end with that perfect ever after,except for a select few. This is what drew me to this poem, overall this poem was smooth and that perfect touch of emotion that kept me elated. I also enjoyed how you kept on repeating how they were so close, I guess that you REALLY wanted to get that message through to the reader. I know that this is one of my shorter reviews, but I have really nothing else to say about this amazing piece of work. Keep it up and until next time,LadyRanicorn out!!

WOW! I think this poem is good for the summertime. It may be a bit strange, but it creates a happy mood, a sort of carefree, do-whatever type mood. I can imagine friends gathered around, without fear or fright and that`s what summers about. It`s about living for being the best that you can and not just the best and I think that`s a really powerful message.

Poetically speaking, I like how the story slowly grows from being vauge and distant to being familiar, as if the speaker is someone you know, and the events are something you have lived. I like the way you seperated the stanzas so theres a sort of story growing and not just a free-verse poem. It`s more meaningful that way. The only thing I would change is the word fervor, because that makes the line a bit out of place with the rest of the poem. I might change it to 'love' or 'passion' because it fits in better with the poem. Or maybe not. It`s an amazing poem and I can`t wait to see what you write next!

~Lucy

Hi!

My first impression of your poem was that it was really good. The words flow well together and the rhythm is constant, which definitely held my attention. In addition, the theme was intriguing, but the poem was kept short enough to remain interesting throughout. I was really drawn deeper into the poem and the themes behind it by the fact that you used so many powerful action verbs like "twists" and "pulls" and so on. In fact, the poem would be even stronger if more of the verbs had this unmistakable tactile quality.

My only suggestion is that the line "easy laughter and smiles soft" jarred me a little because the language in the rest of the poem is very modern and casual, and the structure of the phrase "smiles soft" seems out of place. To conserve the fluidity of the piece, I would change it to "soft smiles" or something else entirely.

Overall, this poem was really well written and very beautiful

-Caiti