The smell of cheap breakfast food wafted through the air as Ali consumed a monstrous plate of pancakes and sausage that both looked and smelled suspicious. After all of the banquets and release parties she’d attended recently, this breakfast was hard to stomach. But that was the idea of coming here; to take a short break from glitz and flame, to eat a normal, cheap restaurant that anyone could afford, to blend into the masses without being recognized.
Besides, since she had a little time before her flight to Hawaii, she wasn’t going to turn down an offer from Jack to go out to breakfast. Something about being with him made her feel like she still had anonymity, which was ironic considering he’d been starring in movies and TV since he was four years old. He was basically the guy that every high school aged girl in America wanted to marry. Ali hardly thought about it at all when they were filming. To her, he was just Jack. When she found out he had been cast, she’d felt nervous, certainly, even though she’d never spent time obsessing over him. However, when they first met she had still been star struck, turning bright red and mixing up all of her words.
But as the filming of the movie progressed, she’d forgotten all about his movie star, teenage heartthrob status. She had spent so much time with him, talking, laughing, filming scenes…they had gotten along so well together, and he had become a really close friend. When the film came out, all of the reviews had praised their chemistry. But she had still had a knot in her stomach whenever she talked to him, like he was some unattainable guy back at school that Ali would never have the guts to talk to. But her feelings were different than that. This felt real, not just some shallow crush.
“How are your pancakes?” Jack asked, taking a sip of coffee.
“Um…” was Ali could manage as she started to laugh. “How are your uh…” She looked at shapeless yellow mass on his plate. “Eggs?”
Jack laughed. He was about to answer when they both became aware of someone staring at them in recognition from a few booths back. They’d specifically asked to be seated at the back of the restaurant so that the paparazzi didn’t try to snap photos of them through the windows, but of course, this was unavoidable wherever they went. No one expected the most recent Best Actress winner and her world famous co-star to be eating breakfast at The Pancake House.
“How do you bear it?”
“What do you mean?
“Uh, never mind,” Ali said. “I guess I’m just a little nervous for what lies ahead.”
“You’re going to have a lot of fun with this new movie,” Jack said.
“What if it sucks though, and I’m a one hit wonder? Winning Best Actress for my first movie and all, that was my peak.”
Jack laughed. “You’re going to have a great career.”
“I guess last night proved that,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.
“You don’t sound too thrilled.”
“Well, maybe winning Best Actress…I mean, it’s a great honor and everything, but I don’t feel like a different person. I wanted it so badly, but I mean, it’s really just a statue.”
Jack just smiled at her. “I know it, believe me.”
“Hm?”
He sighed. “I think I’ve been incredibly blessed with good fortune. To have this life, it’s rare. I think of all the problems facing other people and how I don’t have to go through it when I’m not sure I’m any better than the people that do. I love what I do, and I don’t take it for granted. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able disappear. Just a spend a day where I could blend into the crowd.”
“Yeah.” Ali closed her eyes and remembered what her life was like a year and a half ago, before she auditioned for the movie. No friends at school. Average grades. Living in a dingy apartment. Finding her only comfort in rehearsing for plays in and out of school. In some ways, she was glad those days were over. In others, she yearned for their simplicity.
The conversation faded out then, and soon they had gotten the bill and went over to the airport. She got a hug as they left the car, nothing more. She had seriously thought about telling him she liked him in the diner, but the thought made her too lightheaded. She’d keep in contact with him though, and see.
On the plane, Ali played her iPod and opened a photo album the cast had assembled of their favorite pictures from the shooting and on the last page they had signed it all. She smiled at some memories, laughed at others. It made her miss the shooting, but it was also nice to look back on it. Then she put the album away and realized how tired she was.
The months before, ever since her casting, had been whirlwind. She was ready to put it all behind her now, move on to whatever knew and grand adventures her life would bring her. She had a lot more life to live; more future experiences that were worth more gold statuettes than all the money in the world could buy. She shut her eyes and fell asleep, confident about all the years that stood ahead of her.
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi! So first of all, just one tiny error I would like to point out (I hate being nit picky, but always appreciate when people point that kind of stuff out to me).
Ta-ta.
When Jack's talking, he says, "But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be able TO disappear." --just need to add the "to" that I capitalized.
So, overall, I like where this is headed, but I'd like a little more. Like JonQuill said, I think you could use with a little less telling, but definitely more showing. (As a writer, you always hear this, and at first I didn't get it, but it really is great advice.) I'd like to see a quick flashback of how these two characters interacted at first, or some detail that can show it, like if he touches her hand, she might quickly think about how their first on-screen kiss was, or I don't know, something like that. And I want details. I want to know what movie this is, what their characters were, how their characters had to interact. Make it interesting, and make the specifics matter. (That's another good writing tip: everything should matter.) You have a great opportunity here to use the movie characters as a layer--for example, maybe Ali is more reserved than other people, but her character is incredibly strong willed, and that is what helped her not be embarrassed in front of Jack, and gave her confidence in the end. Just a thought.
Anyhoo, sorry I went on for so long. But anyway, cool story, I'd just like to see more development. Also, I love that he just hugged her and to be honest, I was disappointed at the off-hand way it was said, because I was hoping for something more, but that's perfect, because it mirrors the disappointment Ali probably felt when he just hugged her.
Here I go, rambling again. Good job.
I think this elaborates on what we all have been thinking upon celebrities. A little lengthy but a good read! I like how you've incorporated a way to get the message across that we don't need to be famous. This is a good vocal point but I don't recommend staying on this topic to long x3
Hello there! So, I have a few things to say here.
First of all, I like the message; those who live the complicated and glamorous lives some of us dream still long for the simplicity of the mundane. I just have to say that some of these sentences were much too long. Some of the things you have written that could easily be said in only a few words, and are drawn out into wordy sentences that were a bit hard to read. Maybe try reading your work out loud to yourself,(trust me, you'll hear it) or just add in extra punctuation.
I found that some of the back story would have been better left to be revealed through the dialogue between Ali and Jack. Maybe you could show the reader, rather than tell them that Ali had won best actress, that she was flying to Hawaii, or even that she had feelings for Jake. You could start where Jack enters after the introduction (because I actually had no idea Jack was there until the dialogue picked up) and have Ali I don't know, fix her hair self consciously or blush.
This showing, rather than telling, could also be used for the man who recognizes them. He could come up and hound them for autographs, instead of just blatantly stating "he stared at them in recognition." Have faith in your readers, they are a lot more perceptive than you might think!
I didn't particularly like the ending to be honest. I thought the photo album was going to be of her family, or even something that made her nostalgic for her old life. I mean, it's fine that she was ready to move on, but ultimately I thought she would be left with a bitter sweet feeling, rather than filled with confidence.
Other than those things, your dialogue was good, and I felt it was true to real life.
Good word, and keep writing!