My vision of World Peace.
Is quite unique and different.
It's not the Peace about which the leaders preach .
It stems from my mind's firmament.
I want Children waking up to the sounds of their Daddy's car .
Not to the resounding gun shots.
I don't want their History textbooks to hold evidences of war.
I want to see freedom and hope in their golden thoughts.
I want a man to return home to a happy family,
harbouring hopes of a lovely reunion.
I don't want them to lead a life riddled with uncertainty.
I want to see their hopes rescued from the oblivion.
I want to see a World where ;
Every person is respected.
Where Love and Inclusion are the only morals we share,
Where Trust can never be molested.
I want to see a shunned arquebuse.
Not torn and tattered books.
I want to see every tender palm adorn pencils.
Not scars of an eternal servitude.
I want to see the pristine fires .
The Fires of Humanity lit.
It should shimmer like a polished sapphire,
It's purpose should be rightly served.
I want Terror and Hate Crimes
to face a brutal extinction.
Their followers can make a zillion tries .
But their intentions should never flourish.
I want to be able to tell the Martyrs' families :
Your sacrifices shall not go in vain.
I want to tell their relatives :
Let go of the excruciating pain.
I want a planet free of creed and caste.
A planet defunct of injustice .
A planet where men and women are on the same slate,
A planet freed from the gyves of ignorance.
I envision Us,
The stewards of the future,
Walking hand-in-hand .
I picture us standing tall and proud.
Radiating Peace across the seven lands .
Together ,
We have started this race .
Now let's reach the finish .
Let's make this planet a better place .
Let's destroy its every blemish.
I finally see :
A world where fear stands defeated .
This is my vision of World Peace .
The vision of Olives and Doves .
It might come true some day .
After all ,
Who knows ?
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Heya, Feather here to review!
), but other than that, nice job!
So I don't review poetry much. I don't really write it, either, except for prophecies and things for my other writings. But this was very good. It's rhythm and structure were very good, and it really made its point clear. Besides that, it is very emotion-evoking. However, some of the punctuation was a bit off- for instance, there shouldn't be spaces before the punctuation (Unless its some weird poem thing I'm not aware of
Keep writing- you've got talent!
Feather
Hello, Ejay! I'm Artemis28 for a review of your poem.
Grammar: I noticed that you used quite a lot of periods. Lots of your lines ended with that, even if they didn't need to. Read your poem out loud and try to find where the rhythm is a little bit cut off by your periods. If so, put in a comma or even leave it blank if that helps.
The rhyme scheme is also a bit confusing. I see it showing up at some points, but in other stanzas it's nonexistent. Try to keep something consistent so that your readers know what you're doing in this poem.
Content: My first nitpick is with the second stanza. "I don't want their History textbooks to hold evidence of war." Well, there's a saying out there that says you should learn from history. In my opinion, if textbooks did have evidence of war (although not too much), maybe we'd learn something from it. That's just a bit of advice from me.
Your ending is very subtle and deep, which is a nice finish for a poem like this. Overall I thought you did well. Sometimes world peace isn't an easy topic to write about, and you've got a good piece here. (Sorry about the pun! [peace-piece] >.<) Keep writing, Ejay!
XOX,
Artemis28
I like this poem a lot! The message is beautiful, and the rhythm flows well. I also liked how you said your dream might come true one day. Overall, a great poem!
Hey Ejay1806,
First Impressions: To be honest, my first impression was that this is more of just a personal little opinion, slapped together in the shape of a "poem." Then I remembered that poetry is just words arranged into a more beautiful way than lines of text. So I kept reading.
Positives:
I felt that this was the most powerful line. It speaks of education,and with knowledge comes freedom. This is definitely something that our world lacks in a lot of places.
This part, for me, is both a plus and a minus. The second line is good because it takes the concept of trust, which is just a something that happens between two people, and isn't actually existent in the physical world, and molds it into something tangible. To tag a verb molested on to it is very interesting.
Negatives: The negative part of the above quoted line, line number two, is that "love" and "inclusion" are only two facets of the moral compass that we all need. I suppose that you could include everything into love, but then we get into some deeper stuff. I just feel like those two words don't do justice for what we would need to guide us into peace, especially in this world where love is so often associated with lust.
Repetitive use of the word hope draws away from the beauty of the writing, because it's redundant.
Overall: A nice representation of what it is to voice one's opinion. I hope that you get some chances to put this out there and add to the numbers of those speaking out.
I give it: