Sky of Seasons Chapter-2.3

Hey! Here for a review!!

The soulless body of Opa was lying on the very barren ground of Sunwane, where his wife was long buried. He really was gone far away.

He lies dead... It's really sad... Put a comma between he and really
I don't really know if 'was gone' is grammatical correct. Google sys it's not. Consider changing it to 'had gone'

The melancholy silence that followed was broken by the sounds of the men searching for them. Dedred and his men had searched all the areas ahead and yet didn’t find them.

I don't think melancholy is the perfect word here because melancholy actually means sadness without reason and they perfectly had a reason for the sadness. And also, I wonder how they managed to escape. Dedred's men were present there. They could have captured them... I would like a bit of clarification.

Where the hell have they gone?” Dedred growled. “I guessed from that old man's behaviour that they must be planning to escape, and see I was right,”

“Master, I shot my arrow towards them, and I am sure one of them got the arrow. They must not have gone far,” one of Dedred’s men said. “Maybe they have gone in the forest, let’s search there.”

Er... Seems like these men are a bit too overconfident about themselves. Not at all good.

They now proceed towards the Thorn Forest to look for them there. Ethan saw them going inside the forest and then he realised the situation which they were in. They couldn't stay there any longer, they needed to hide.

He wiped off his tears; he needed to act strong. Opa has given him the resresponsibility of Lyla and Kiliarn. He can’t be weak.

Ah you have managed to capture his feelings and also his poinion that Opa gave him the responsibility of the other two. And proceed will be proceeded

Now...Lyla, get up, my sister is strong, right?” Ethan patted the back of Lyla. “And Kiliarn we need to go to a safer place….get up, come on now, get up,”

Lyla was not responding, she didn’t wanted to understand anything. She still had that tiny bit of hope that any moment Opa would get up and hug her. But deep inside she knew that Opa was now gone

It's didn't want not didn't wanted
For the last part of the last sentence, you can reconstruct it as '..... She knew that Opa, now, was gone. '
It really portrays the feelings very well.

Now Kiliarn controlled his emotions and supported Lyla to stand up.

“Lyla...you need to understand, we have to hide somewhere. Opa wanted us to be safe,” Kiliarn sobbed. Lyla now stood staring at the lifeless body of Opa.

“ Now you both follow me, I know a place.” Ethan announced. “Lyla, my sister this is what Opa wanted, you have to be brave and strong which I already know you are. Now my sister trust me and follow me.”

I guess this place is that cave which Ethan had found. That cave seemed to be unknown to most of the people. However, it's still in the forest and thus still not so safe.

They all gave Opa’s body a last glance. Everything, felt over.

Ethan hurried towards the forest and the two followed him.

“Ethan, why are you taking us in the forest? That’s where Dedred and his men are finding us, isn’t it?” Kiliarn asked.

“Please just trust me and follow me.”

The comma after everything seems redundant. Maybe you can remove it. And Kiliarn kind of voiced my question. In the last dialogue, you can put a comma after please

They both were following Ethan not knowing where he was taking them. The forest was as silent as a graveyard, the dim light of the moon was just enough to see the path. The stillness of the night was scary, not even a leaf was moving.

Finally Ethan managed to take them to the place he encountered this very evening. The cave, that big cave hidden so well by the huge branches of the tree. It was the best place Ethan could think of at the moment.

Yes, I guessed it right. Made some good guesses. This part portrays Ethan's sense of responsibility. Until this part, we only saw Lyla's responsible nature. You add Ethan to that list in this part. And yes, add a had before encountered.

“Get in, this way. I think no one will be able to find us here. No one knows of this place as it is deep in the forest and it’s night, even if they come this way, I am sure they won’t notice us,” Ethan said.

They all went inside the cave and started to investigate if this place was safe for them to stay or not. Lyla was still too shocked to do anything, she just sat on the floor of the cave and stared blankly at it’s walls. Ethan whispered to Kiliarn to stay with her sister and he will look inside the cave to make sure they were not disturbing any wild animal inside, by their presence.

In the second para, I think substituting this by the will make it better. 'its walls' not it's walls

Kiliarn was worried, Lyla had not spoken a word since Opa' s death, She didn't even cried, her stress, her grief cannot stay within her any longer, she needed to cry, she needed to recover.There were more dangerous and painful things yet to come, as Opa has said.

She didn't even cry is grammatically correct. Lyls ses to be the most hurt among the trio. Shows how emotional she actually is.

Hey Lyla, Opa has now gone to a better place," Kiliarn said. " You need to recover as fast as you can dear, there is no time for grieving. We must fulfill Opa's last wish. Please! I cannot see you this way."

`Lyla burst into a fit of sobbing. Kiliarn patted her back, he knew how much she loved Opa. They all loved Opa but Opa loved them even more.

Put a comma before dear in Kiliarn's dialogue.

The beautiful sky full of stars and the majestic moon reminded him of the time when he, Lyla and Opa used to lay in the backyard gazing at the stars . Ah he tried not to look back on those memories.

He gathered some thorny branches and secured the entrance with it and finally slipped beside Lyla and Kiliarn who were asleep.

Kiliarn has grown a lot in this chapter, emotional growth, I mean. Opa's death affected him amd it was a result of this, I guess. You did a good job with the description tho.

Ethan felt tired as well as restless, he wanted to sleep but he just couldn't. There were so many things going inside his mind. The sudden events of the last three or four hours have tired his brain. The pain of losing Opa, the fear of Dedred and his men finding them, the dangerous journey ahead, there were so many things.

Some hours ago he was a careless young man who just wandered around, serious about nothing. And now he was to take care of his siblings. He didn’t like the idea of being a responsible guy, he wanted to be carefree of all the responsibilities. But his fate didn't like it that way

Hm... I see that Ethan himself understood the thing. Honestly, one has to be emotionally mature to understand all these. The character developing process you havs Incorporated is really a good one.

Lyla used to learn medicine, so that she can become a herb mistress and help Opa run the house. Lyla understood the financial situation of their family but Ethan didn’t realise that Opa worked hard day and night to feed them as well as to pay the taxes. He was taking everything for granted and this was the result.

“Sorry Opa…...sorry, you always wanted me to become responsible but I just ignored everything…..I was ungrateful……...sorry… I should have helped you pay the taxes but I ……….” Ethan sobbed silently. And after sometime he fell into an uneasy slumber.

A good ending. Now everyone is sleeping.. they will not be aware if Dedred's men are near.. i am worried about their safety though they aren't.

Overall, it was another wonderful chapyef and I will get to the next chapter within tomorrow. Till then, stay safe.
Keep writing!
~Forever

Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!

The soleless body of Opa was lying on the very barren ground of Sunwane, where his wife was long buried. He really was gone far away.

If felt strange seeing 'souless' spelled 'soleless' lthough I understand that there are different regional spelling for words, or that maybe you had a reason for spelling it that way ^^

“I guessed from that Opa’s behaviour that they must be planning to escape, and see I was right,”

You might want to remove the word 'that'.

They now proceed towards the Thorn Forest to look for them there. Ethan saw them going inside the forest and then he realised in which situation they were all in.

'In which situation they were all in'? That felt a bit strange in that context. Usually 'in which' either proceeds a statement, or ends it, but it's never right smack in the middle. Maybe you could try rewriting it this way-''then he realised the situation in which they were all in'' alternatively you could remove the word 'in' so it'd read like this-''then he realised the situation which they were in'. That reads smoother, doesn't it?

Some hours ago he was a careless young man who just wandered around, serious about nothing. And now he was to take care of his siblings. He didn’t like the idea of being a responsible guy, he wanted to be carefree of all the responsibilities. But his fate didn't like it that way .

Lyla used to learn medicine, so that she can become a herb mistress and help Opa run the house. Lyla understood cial situation of their family but Ethan didn’t realise that Opa worked hard day and night to feed them as well as to pay the taxes. He was taking everything for granted and this was the result.

“Sorry Opa…...sorry, you always wanted me to become responsible but I just ignored everything…..I was ungrateful……...sorry… I should have helped you pay the taxes but I ……….” Ethan sobbed silently. And after sometime he fell into an uneasy ~!slumber.

This really highlights Ethans growth here.
When we're young we're sure of ourselves. There's no challenge to big for us. We believe everything we do is amazing. Is perfect.
We don't have to be anything except young. We're learning our basics on life. The easiest most painless lessons.
Then we get older.
We learn that we have to fit in, we have to be mature, charismatic, and responsible or we're never gonna be successful.
Funny has been the only coping mechanism we learn, so we cover up all our insecurities with memes and jokes, and shirk responsibility, because we're just to broken to do anything else.
That mindset, I think was the one Ethan grew up with.
Its so beautiful to me, that he's facing the fact that he used to be messed up and irresponsible.
It really shows maturity, and you can see just how deeply Opo affected him and I'm in love that <333
Aaand that concludes this review! I hope you found it helpful <333
BROUGHT TO YOU BY...

Hi Alice,

Mailice here with a short review!

At first glance it was a well constructed chapter. Compared to the last chapters, you could clearly feel a tension here, and yet you managed not to let the plot go off the rails. I like how you manage to contrast Ethan and Lyla, which definitely has a positive impact on their personalities. I like how Ethan tries to act like a big brother of sorts to protect and cheer Lyla up, and yet he falls into grief himself as soon as everyone is asleep. He's very strong and you've showcased that well.

I also like that in this chapter there was more of a focus on the plot and you didn't draw attention to the book and the bag straight away, but instead referred to the escape and hiding. That's really good to keep the reader hooked a little longer with that. I also like the fact that the pace of the plot was much quicker here than in the previous ones. It was a good build-up to drag out the farewell and death of Opa, and then keep the aftermath short for this chapter. It gives the plot a good momentum in the end.

I also noticed that there are fewer mistakes in terms of punctuation. There are only a few, but I can count them in one hand. Well done!

The end of the chapter was great and the way you managed to end it with Ethan being the last to fall asleep, now that he is allowed to mourn. I'm really looking forward to seeing how the kids will manage to escape from the men.

Some points that struck me while reading:

The soleless body of Opa was lying on the very barren ground of Sunwane, where his wife was long buried.

I like the way you start the chapter and also draw a conclusion. I also like the use of soleless, which I found a bit "strange" at the beginning. (I'm still not sure if you didn't mean to write soulless). But I can also understand what you mean by soleless, stretching the word very far from its main meaning.

"I guessed from that grandpa's behaviour that they must be planning to escape, and see I was right,"

I would remove the "that" here, as Opa is more of a name than a term in this case. Or you could rewrite it to "that old man's". I assume that Dedred's men don't necessarily know what grandpa is called by his grandchildren.
At the end of the dialogue, replace the comma with a full stop.

They now proceed towards the Thorn Forest to look for them there. Ethan saw them going inside the forest and then he realised in which situation they were all in. They couldn't stay there any longer, they needed to hide.

You make a change of perspective between Derdred and his men and Ethan in this section (more precisely, from the first to the next sentence). I would either leave the first sentence alone and use a line or something to let the reader know that there has been a change. Of course, you can also try to stretch out the transition a bit. You start talking about Thorn Forest in the first sentence. If you describe a little bit between that sentence and the next one what makes the forest so special, you could create a transition to Ethan. For example: "Thorn Forest was a big and scary wood. Children were not allowed to enter it because many trees made the place look like a maze. Among all the plants lived wild animals, like bears and wolves, looking for food. From the window, a boy stared at the men as they went inside. Ethan saw..."

He wiped off his tears, he needed to act strong.

A semicolon would be a better version of the comma here.

"Now...Lyla, get up, my sister is strong, right?"

I'm not sure why Ethan is talking to his sister here and then talking about her at "my sister is strong".

She still had that tiny bit of hope that any moment Opa would get up and hug her.

I like how you spoke earlier about Ethan not being weak and you write about Lyla here. I like how the roles of the characters have changed. Ethan is trying to look forward and protect the others, while Lyla is still in mourning.

But Ethan soon realised there was not a single sole present in the cave except them.

I think you meant to write "soul" here instead of "sole". So I also understand that there has to be a soulless at the beginning.

Oof she shouldn't be thinking about this, it's over, it's all over.

I would put a comma after the "oof" here.

Kiliarn was worried, Lyla had not spoken a word since Opa's death, She didn't even cried, her stress, her grief cannot stay within her any longer, she needed to cry, she needed to recover.

The sentence is a little bumpy, and I would perhaps rewrite it a little, and yet it has a very good effect on the situation, and through this 'bump' you can notice how much Lyla finally wants to grieve, which she couldn't do at all earlier.

`Lyla burst into a fit of sobbing.

Here is this thing ' (don't know what it is called ) too much.

In summary, it was a great written chapter focusing on the children's escape. I really liked the way you presented it here, focusing on the plot.

Have fun writing!

Mailice