Sky of Seasons Chapter-1.3

Hey Alice! Forever here for a review!
It's been an epoch since I read the last part. Whatever, let's get straight to the review!
First of all, it was awesome and the same goes for the name of the chapter.

After filling the buckets they started their journey to the top of the Hill. Panting they came across the house of Mr. Bombur, this time they saw few men entering his yellow fence, the weather-beaten faced men were looking angry. They were ranting among themselves and were knocking on Mr. Bombur’s door furiously. The next thing they saw was Mr. Bombur coming out of the house as quickly as possible. He was a chubby man always wearing a smile on his face but now when he was talking to the men he looked stressed, his face was down and his eyes were looking restless.

As their conversation ended the men walked out of the fence fiercely. Ethan quickly recognised their faces, they were men of the wicked Norman who was the minister of the king of Sunwane. Everyone knew that the king was a good man but he was manipulated by Norman, he trusted him so much that he made him commander of all the soldiers of Sunwane. The king was not able to see how cruel Norman was. Everyone was scared of him because of his powers and his control over the king.

“Isn’t he Dedred, the tax collector? The one who works under Norman,” Ethan points out a man with a dark face.

“Yeah, he is the one, who else will have a more fierce face than him,” said Lyla.

“I bet Norman has a fiercer face than him,” said Kiliarn smirking. As they saw Mr. Bombur still on his doorstep looking tensed, they decided to talk to him.

“Good morning Mr. Bombur, it is such a beautiful morning but why are you looking so sad?” asked Lyla politely.

“Oh Lyla, it is not a good morning for me. I don’t know how I am going to pay those big taxes, my store is not earning much, and my wife’s vegetable stall is the only means of money for our home,” said Mr. Bombur sulking.

“Sir, do you mind me asking how much are the taxes?” asked Ethan

“It’s ten bronzes,” said Mr Bombur “But it was not this much in the older days. But when this filthy Norman became in charge of the taxes he increased the amount. Oh children, I remember the good old days when peaple of Sunwane lived in peace and harmony,” After saying this Mr Bombur slowly retreated inside the house.
The trio was shocked seeing Mr Bombur like this, he was such a humorous person always talking with a smile on his face but here he was sulking. After seeing him like this they cursed the cruel Norman.

“Mr Bombur looks so sad, I can’t see him like this. I have heard that the one who don't pay the taxes are severely punished. He rather get prisoned or is beaten to death” said Ethan

“Yeah, I know,” said Kiliarn nodding “ But now we are getting late, you both will again get a nice lecture from Opa,” they hurried to the house.

As they arrived they were relieved because Opa was not waiting for them at the doorstep instead he was talking to Dedred on the farm. Lyla seemed confused

Why is Opa talking to this man? He never talked to any of the men who worked under Norman.

But it didn’t seem polite to go and disturb their conversation which rather seemed to be a serious conversation. They got inside the house, kept those heavy buckets on the floor and drank two glasses of water. Ethan’s shirt was dripping with sweat (as a matter of fact he always sweated the most) so he goes to his room to change his shirt.

“You can sit in my room while I inspect what is the talk going on in between Opa and this man,” Lyla said to Kiliarn and hurried to the farm to secretly hear what they were talking about.

Kiliarn’s house was just beside Opa’s house. Opa always looked at Kiliarn as his own grandson, since childhood he mostly stayed with Opa and Grandma as his father and mother were mostly busy in their shops the whole day, it didn’t matter much to them if Kiliarn was there or not.

Kiliarn entered Lyla’s room and sat on the bed waiting for Ethan. As he sat on the bed he saw a diary hidden under the pillow, he took it out. there was a note written on top of it, it read Lyla’s property, Do not touch!

It seemed more like an invitation than a warning, without giving a second look to the note Kiliarn opened the diary. The diary was mostly filled with writing, the first page read:

There lives a rabbit couple on our farm, they are so cute and they love each other very much. They always live together inside the hole, which is their house. I hope one day I will also marry a handsome man and live with him happily like the rabbit couple. We will together visit the entire five realms……..

Lyla always wore clothes like boys, she acts like a boy, never even care about her appearance like most girls do. Kiliarn was shocked that her future dream would be like this. He was turning the pages to read other things but he was caught, Lyla was at the door giving him a sharp stare. He tried to hide the diary under the pillow where it was but it was too late.

“You stupid, can’t you read what was written on the note DO NOT TOUCH,”

Lyla said stressing each word, she quickly took her diary from Kiliarn.

“Oo Sorr...Sorry I didn’t saw the note,” said Kiliarn not knowing what else to say.

“Tell me fast how much did you read of it?” Lyla asked as she calmed down.

“Not much just… the first page,” Kiliarn replied. Lyla’s face got red she looked embarrassed, she might be regretting that she could have kept the diary in a safer place. As she was about to say something they heard Ethan coming towards them.

‘Do not even think about saying anything to him,” Lyla warned Kiliarn. And Ethan arrived to them, they all were silent for the moment, Kiliarn said something that first came to his mind to break this awkward silence.

“Lyla what was the conversation going on between Opa and Dedred,”

Hi ImaginativeAlice,

Mailice here with a short review

It's very exciting to read the sequel and with each new chapter, you get more insight into Sunwane. If it was more geography in the last one, I notice how it is now moving towards politics.
The indirect introduction of Norman, the mention of the king and the machinations of this Norman tie into the story very well. Although he is not personally in the chapter, the reader gets enough information to get an accurate picture of the situation.

I really liked that Lyla and Kiliarn in particular showed new personality traits that actually already fit the two characters very well. Even though I am a little disappointed about Kiliarn reading the diary after he seemed so helpful in the last chapter. I think their relationship is already very well developed, especially when Lyla catches him reading. I don't notice Ethan taking a back seat here.

The entry was really beautifully written and I enjoyed it very much. Even though it's only a brief detail in the chapter, I think it's fitting that the chapter is named after the rabbit couple.

Some parts could be developed a bit more, like at the beginning when they talk about Dedred and Norman. Since the three of them are still teenagers, it would be good to expand a bit more on that, to find out if the three of them have already experienced something like that in their village, what happens when someone can't pay their taxes.

I don't know yet exactly where the story is going and what exactly the frame story will be, (but that doesn't bother me so far) but that might put off some readers as you can't yet establish exactly what the clear goal is. But maybe that will become clearer as soon as the next chapters appear.

Just a quick side note: In the first paragraph you made a mistake with Mr Bombur's name. At one point he is referred to as Bombor.

You leave the reader with a very big question at the end! You are really only briefly distracted by Lyla's diary and forget the conversation between the grandfather and the tax collector. It's very well done and keeps the reader hooked!

Mailice.

This is so cute! Your characters are very likable. I'd advise you to read through this a couple times and edit it. Your prose is a bit shaky, and there's a lot of places where things could be clearer and stronger. Aside from this, I can't really tell what Lyla's objective in the story is. I know these are supposed to be smaller chapters, so maybe by the end of four or five you could give her a goal to work towards, or at least a clear motivation. Good job with the story so far, and good luck with the next chapter!