Chapter-1.1 The tale of Sky of Seasons
“A land far away from here, as the legends go there is the Great King under the Sky of Seasons, a place where people are blessed to experience all the beautiful seasons...”
“Whoa! Every season! Summer, Winter, Monsoon, Spring. They are so lucky Opa,” said Ethan
“Yes child, every season. Now don’t disturb me. Let me finish the tale of the Sky of Seasons,” said Opa, the grandpa of Ethan and Lyla and the best storyteller in the entire Sunwane.
“People live in peace and harmony in the Sky of Season. The Great King rules the entire five realms- Sunwane, Waterhelm, Bloomrich, and Frostreign. And in the middle of them the noble Sky of Seasons. As we know that every realm is cursed to experience the same season throughout the year, Sunwane experiences the summer throughout the year, Waterhelm’s rain never stops, Bloomrich is a realm full of greenery of flowers and plants and Frostereign is covered with snow during the whole year. But Sky of Seasons is the only place in the known universe to have the fortune to experience all the four seasons.”
“Opa, aren't you going to tell us about the family of the Great king under the Sky of Seasons,” said one of the boys in the group of eager children. They gathered around in the garden of Opa’s house every evening before going to sleep, to listen to one of Opa’s tales.
“You restless kids! Learn some patience, will you? You disturbed me in the middle of the tale, can’t you all be as patient as Lyla is, she never asks questions in between. Now, where was I? Yes, the royal family.” In his older years, Opa got annoyed pretty easily, but still, the children endured it because they liked to hear Opa’s tales. Those stories helped the little ones to get a peek at the world of their imagination far and beyond. And Lyla listened to it most attentively, she was so curious about how the other realms were, especially the Sky of Seasons. She loved her homeland and Opa and didn't want to leave her family but a part of her liked the idea of a venture.
“The three princes of the royal family fighting their way to becoming the crown prince, wanting to become the next King under the Sky of Seasons. The one who will be the bravest, the kindest, and the most forgiving, who will endure the responsibility of the entire five realms, the one who can feel the pain of the people will become the crown prince.”
“And what about the fourth prince, the one who was born with a blue starflower.” asked one of the kids excitedly
“Yes, the one with the starflower!” asked another
“Was he god-gifted?,” And the whole group of children started murmuring. Lyla and Ethan were staring at Opa, who was annoyed by this discussion. He yelled
“That is just a myth, there is no such thing as blue starflowers. And there is no fourth prince, do you all understand!” Opa now stood up and said “Now, that is enough for today, Go now and sleep,” the children dispersed from the garden with long faces.
**********************
Their house was on the high top of The Hill, with a beautiful view of the starry night of Sunwane. One specific thing about homes in Sunwane, they all were almost identical. I wonder how they differentiated them? Yeah, the fences, people had their fences painted with different colors, a custom followed in this realm.
Ethan and Lyla were best partners. Ethan was 6 and Lyla was 4 when their father and mother died in a plague spread that killed many people of Sunwane. Since Opa and Grandma had taken care of them, just a few years ago their grandma died. Since then Opa has become quite high-tempered, but he is a kindhearted man who has taken care of Ethan and Lyla after their parent’s death, so much that they rarely miss their parents. But to Ethan’s surprise, he doesn't even remember their faces. He was quite old when they died, he should remember everything. He try not to think about it but it was an odd thing that both saddened and intrigued him.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Looks like you have a ton of reviews here already so I won't waste your time lol. Just wanted to say this first chapter is awesome! ^^
Aw thank you for like finding my work<333
OoOoOOOOOOo I applaud your cliffhanger
Also I saw that you published chapter 2 and I was like,"well i should probably read chapter 1 first" and I eventually found it! I love your story and the way you have Opa storytelling.
But here are a few tips
Ok maybe do into a bit more description of Opa earlier into the story but hint it out here and there so the author is more intrigued in finding the clues of your character's past.
and something I like doing when I am writing is to give a reader a point of view of the main characters situation and point of view is throw them into a flashback of their own life. i know that would be heart breaking in this case (because they would flashback to their parents deaths)
Maybe you could describe the characters looks (ethan, lyla and opa) like have them with distinct traits unlike other people that they will meet later on in the story.
I love your plot so much, it catches you from the start and is very enticing! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Hello Alice! Hannah here for a quick review.
Grows:
When Opa was telling the story, it was not only quoted but italicized. You don't need to both, you can quote it or italicize it.
"“And what about the fourth prince, the one who was born with a blue starflower.” asked one of the kids"
After "starflower" you need a question mark instead of a period.
This paragraph seemed a little info-dumpy, especially for the last one. Maybe you could section it out into different parts of the chapter?
Glows:
WOW! Great job! Especially for your first chapter ever! I liked how Opa told the story and dealt with the minor interruptions from the children. You did a great job introducing the characters and their personalities. Keep writing and have a great day! I am waiting for chapter 2.
Thanks for the review Hannah!!!
ok. first come to the mistakes-
I think the full stop between Lyla and and shouldn't be there.
i think you should omit the 'to' before adventure. it sounds awkward.
i think this is your first novel. in one word, you nailed it. your dialogues, descriptions, character, setting- all are flawless. the sky of seasons was actually a fantastic imagery.
i enjoyed reading it. waiting for the next chapters. hope it helps
Thanks for the wonderful review!
welcome
Hi ImaginativeAlice,
Mailice here with a short review!
For the first chapter in your first novel, the story structure and characters seem very solid. The way the grandfather tells the fairy tale is well done and it's easy to empathise with the children listening to him. I especially like the nuance of Ethan interrupting him all the time. it gives the story a certain authenticity. I hope it stays that way in the following chapters. I like the names of the realms.
The composition and structure of the story are well done; the paragraphs give the chapter a good flow. I don't pay much attention to grammar now, I just noticed this, where you might have to restructure something:
In two sentences, "house" is used four times, which is a bit too much. Maybe use a synonym for it like "building" or rewrite it a bit. That's really the only time I think it's a bit awkward to read.
I like your story and for a first chapter, it builds tension with the tale itself.
Mailice.
Thanks for your great review.
And yeah I have changed that paragraph a bit you can check it.
Sounds already better.
Hi,
), so maybe you could write: "Lyla ran around free, with her (chocolate brown hair blowing in the breeze) - your work you do whatever feels right for you of course, but I feel as though adding even just a single detail will help us as the audience to really feel immersed within your work. But aside from that, I love it as you have it, keep writing - you certainly show a lot of potential so well done!
Sunlightwarriorxo here!
Now considering you said it was your first time writing a novel - I think you smashed it! What a fantastic opening! Your language, characterisation and dialogue and narration were great, so well done! However, my only suggestion for further development would be to possibly paint a picture of Lyla and Ethan more vividly, drop hints of their appearance maybe, rather than thoughtdumping a paragraph (tip of my own
Thank you for your wonderful review
Yeah I will give their appearance details in the next chapter actually I planned to introduce them in the next chapter I wanted to focus on the world building in the first chapter