Sky of Seasons Chapter-1.4

Hey Alice! Forever here for a review!

After a moment, when Lyla's anger subsided, she explained

"I couldn't hear what they were talking about, as they were far away and if I had gone closer, they would have seen me,"

" Well, we can ask Opa about it when he comes," Ethan suggested. "For now can we go and water the farm. The crops must be thirsty."

Glad that her anger subsided. I thought it would be kind of a childish fight. Replace the full stop with a question mark. He is asking a question, I reckon. I liked how you said the crop looks thirsty. A good personification. Sad that she couldn't hear what they were discussing.

They all went to the farm, the sun was at the top which means it was midday, the hardest and the hottest period of the day. The sunlight was good for the plants to grow but not for people living there.

Er...I don't know if too much sunlight is good for plants. But obviously, it vividly describes the struggles of the ppl living in Sunwane.

Lyla always wandered how easy the life of people living in the other realms would be. In Waterhelm, people didn't have to walk long distances to collect water. In Frostreign, they never get sunburned, in Bloomrich, they can feel the fresh breezes and smell the sweet scents of flowers. And the best, Sky of Seasons, the life of people living there is so good, they have all the benefits of all the seasons.

Definitely, this is a great picture into the life of ppl of other realms, as the ppl of Sunwane thought. The spelling of wondered is wrong.

The conversation of Opa and Dedred was over as Opa now stood alone on the farm with his face down, looking restless. He managed to hide his emotions as he saw the children coming towards him.

“You naughty children, where were you. I don’t think it takes this much time to fill a few buckets from the River Blaze,” he growled

“Opa we…… were talking to Mr. Bombur. On our way we saw Norman’s men talking to him and he looked sad, " Ethan answered

"Did he not pay the taxes?" Opa asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes Opa"

REplace that full stop with a question mark. And the second dialogue feels a bit off to me while saying it aloud. Maybe write that 'Ethan answered' in between we and were.

"Oh, those wicked people, I don't wanna talk about them,” Opa said, stressing each word.

After a moment, Opa sighed and went inside the house. Lyla followed him inside the house and returned with lithams (in common word turbans).

“Wear these or else we will faint,” Lyla said, handing them the turbans. The people there wore lithams. Especially when they were working in the farm because it protected them from the sun.

The three started to water the crops. The plants needed a lot of water to grow on these barren lands. Working hard was the only way they could survive in Sunwane, life was hard in these lands.

Seems like Opa is angry, sad or something like that with those ppl. At least, he is not in a good mood. Maybe write the bold portion as 'The people there wore Lithams, especially when they were..............'

After almost half an hour, Lyla, Ethan and Kiliarn heard the ringing of a bell. It made them jump with excitement and they ran inside the house. Because the ringing of the bell means it was lemonade time.

Opa brought them the special lemonade he made, it was kind of a treat he gives them after their hard work in the farm.

“Oh Opa, you are the best!” Ethan remarked and then mumbled “Only if you don’t wake me up in the early morning.”

“ Hmm what did you say?” Opa asked

“Nothing Opa, absolutely nothing.”

“ I am in my old age but my ears are still good,” Opa said with a little laughter. They all continued drinking their lemonades.

Seems like they loved opa's lemonade. Replace the full stop before because with a comma.

After a moment Lyla remembered a question.

“Opa what were you talking to Dedred?” she asked “You never talked to any of Norman's men."

“Nothing you should be worrying about,”

“But….Opa,”

“ Lyla, it's time for you to go to Old Balin," Opa snapped. Old Balin was Kiliarn’s father, he taught medicine to young girls and boys in his store.

“Fine, well unlike someone I am not free all day,” she groaned

“What do you….” Ethan snapped

“Bye… bye everyone,” she said, cutting him off and left for the store. Lyla was learning medicines and wanted to be a herb mistress so that she can earn money and help Opa. As for Ethan, he spent all his time wandering around with Kiliarn.

Opa left for selling the vegetables. Selling vegetables were the only means of money for their house. Kiliarn and Ethan as always had nothing to do so they started their journey towards the Thorn Forest. It was a dry forest full of thorny and unique plants and trees. It was located on the eastern side of the Hill, opposite to River Blaze.

Opa is evading the question. Doesn't seem to be a green flag... a red flag it seems like, especially after reading the title. Replace that were with a 'was'

Ethan trudged through the woods finding Kiliarn whom he saw a minute ago, but now he was nowhere to be seen. Ethan was scared, he never ventured this deep in the forest. Because of the wild cheetahs and other animals.

As he was passing by a huge tree, he noticed something behind it. As he moved forward towards it, he saw a cave hidden by the giant branches of the tree. It was a wide cave so well concealed that a person should have keen eyes to find it. If it was night he would have passed without noticing it.

He was stepping inside the cave when he heard Kiliarn shouting his name from a distance. He gave the cave a last quick glance and ran towards the direction from where the sound of Kiliarn was coming.

It had gotten dark. The sky was ablaze with the fire of the setting sun. After a moment, he found Kiliarn standing with Lyla.
“Opa is home, he wants to talk to us and I must say he looked very serious as well as tensed,” Lyla explained

Seems like a serious danger in store. And replace the full stop before because with a comma. Also, I guess that cave can serve a purpose in future. Maybe not very soon but then also it can serve some sort of importance. I am gonna remember it for sure.

They set off for the house. As they got home they saw Opa waiting for them on the doorsteps, as he saw them coming he got inside the house. He gestured them to come inside. The three followed Opa inside the house, and they all sat beside him on the bed. Opa sat with his face buried in his hands.

“Hey.. kids, I wanted… to talk to you,” Opa said in a shaky voice

“What is it Opa?” asked Ethan politely. After a moment Opa wiped his tears that were blurring his visions and stood

I don't think someone says a 'hey', before starting such a serious conversation, as it seemed like to be. I would like a more vivid description of their house. For the other aspects, you gave a good description but consider adding a bit more description about the house.

“ When danger comes, cowards bow before the mighty and choose insignificance. But a brave man looks for a way to change his life. A deer does this to survive from the lion. When his day has come,” he asserted. The three glanced at each other not knowing what all this was about.

“Opa be a bit clear,” said Kiliarn

" I never thought I would be saying this to you, but I am saying this for your own good.” Opa sobbed. “Oh god I have raised you like my own children how can I live without you.”

“Opa what is it!”

“Flee from Sunwane!”

Opa seems to be an intellectual person saying wise words. And he is instructing them to flee! Quite starnge! I guess we will find the reason in the next chapter. I do have a guess about it. Maybe he failed to pay the taxes.. Idk, just will guesses.

Overall, it was another great chapter. Just work a bit about your punctuations and you will be a great writer.
I will be getting to the next chapters very soon.
~Forever

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! I noticed your work has been in the green room for a while, so I thought I'd bump it out!

I've spent the morning reading your novel, and I'm impressed! I love the world you've been able to build! I think it's so innovative, what with all the realms and their seasons. I think you've created a really lovely setting for your novel, and I'm super excited to see what else you do with it!

One thing I really enjoyed about this section was the developments at the end! I'm super curious as to what danger they have to escape from in Sunwane. I also think having them leave their home really sets up a great way to have your characters explore the world you've been heralding the readers about for so long. I'm very excited to see how the story continues and where your characters will go!

Specifics

They all went to the farm, the sun was at the top which means it was midday, the hardest and the hottest period of the day.

This sentence is a comma splice, which needs to be fixed. I think you should make it two sentences and change the comma after "farm" to a period. Also, it sounds a little strange when you say "the sun was at the top," and I think you should specify that it was at the top of the sky.

“You naughty children, where were you. I don’t think it takes this much time to fill a few buckets from the River Blaze,” he growled.

Since "Where were you" is a question, you should have a question mark instead of a period there.

Lyla followed him inside the house and returned with lithams (in common word turbans).

I was a little confused by the specification that lithams were turbans. I think the way you presented it broke up your flow a little, since it was very matter-of-fact. When you present it like that, it made me wonder why you didn't just refer to them as turbans. I think it might be better if you call them lithams but then describe them so that people know they are like turbans, which would preserve your flow.

“Oh god I have raised you like my own children how can I live without you.”

This is just one example, but I sometimes feel like your dialogue is very unnatural. It sounds almost artificial or robotic in a way. You could benefit from punctuation like commas or even adverbs/descriptors with the dialogue tags to really help the reader hear and see what the characters sound like/are doing. So, for example, here, you could incorporate commas and other punctuation to indicate tone, pauses, and other parts of a language signature, like "Oh god... I have raised you like my own children! How can I live without you?"

Overall: nice work! I really love what I've been reading so far. If you have any questions about anything I said, feel free to ask. Until next time!

Hi ImaginativeAlice,

Mailice here with a short review!

You can finally see a little bit where the train will take us with this chapter. I can already see that it's a beginning for the new and unknown but also the end of comfort and calm. I am very curious to see where else you will take the reader.

I hope I can explain it reasonably without it coming across as too negative (because I really liked the chapter!) but I also notice that there is a certain hecticness here in the chapter. It seems a bit unpolished and in some places it reads a bit as if you wanted to change the scene as quickly as possible. Like towards the end, for example.

They all went to the farm, the sun was at the top which means it was midday, the hardest and the hottest period of the day. Selling vegetables were the only means of money for their house. Lyla was learning medicines and wanted to be a herb mistress so that she can earn money and help Grandpa. As for Ethan, he spent all his time wandering around with Kiliarn.

For example, I find it a bit too much with the information here. It doesn't read very well. There are two transitions, one from the hottest day to selling vegetables and another from Lyla's wish to Ethan and Kiliarn. You could expand a little more there. Maybe insert a little bit that the summers are long, or in the heat the vegetables grow better, and so make the transition to Leyla. And later, you can mention how she's studying while Ethan and Kiliarn are wandering around.

Lyla followed him inside the house and returned with lithams (in common word turbans).

That's good that you added a short note in the margin so that it's easier to visualise!

Grandpa brought them the special lemonade he made, it was kind of a treat Grandpa gives them after their hard work in the farm.

That's very sweet of him. But I would change the second Opa with "he", because otherwise you would have Opa twice in the sentence. (Like here just now )

"Oh grandpa, you are the best!" Ethan remarked and then mumbled "Only if you don't wake me up in the early morning."

Getting up early has to be banned as well, I think. Nice to read out more about the personalities in dialogues.

After a moment, he found Kiliarn standing with Lyla. It had gotten dark. The sky was ablaze with the fire of the setting sun.

I would change the structure of the paragraph a little and first describe the situation, that it is already getting dark, and then write that Ethan finds Kiliarn and Lyla.

"When danger comes, cowards bow before the mighty and choose insignificance. But a brave man looks for a way to change his life. A deer does this to survive from the lion. When his day has come," he asserted.

That is a very good sentence! I like the way Grandpa tries to present the truth to the children in a veiled way.

On the other hand, I liked how the previous chapters built on this one and now the meaning of the story becomes clearer. Kiliarn and Lyla (and probably Ethan) have to flee and leave their grandfather behind. I think you did a good job with that.

I noticed a few minor spelling mistakes where there had to be a full stop or a question mark instead of a comma. Nothing serious, but just a note.

I liked the chapter a lot. There are still some things where it seems a little unfinished, but I'm glad the story/adventure is starting to get going!

Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.