“You hold on to the details of the brow arch and the edges of their mouth when they smile; and hope to disappear in the crease”
This poem is.. really lovely, I guess you have a really good hang on vocabulary because some of your words are very very different of what someone would usually use. Like
Jotting
Evoking
Or nooks
Even crease! I mean, I’ve never seen someone here use them all. I guess your poem was about memories. Or evoking memories or something. But the last paragraphs.. god.. I’m not even saying lines. I’m saying paragraphs because your last three stanzas (paragraphs) are horribly heavy (not sure it makes sense to say “heavy” that way in English. In French it basically means something not very smooth or enjoyable to do. Like.. oh I dunno.) but when I read it, I was out of any poetry. I was reading a paragraph somehow constructed to slightly have a flow, although no rhymes no short lines no nothing. Once or twice these long paragraphs might work, but you do that always for the last three parts. You could’ve easily broken those lumps into smaller parts which would have made it much smoother to read.
There also is very small imagery in your poem.
Small imagery is often used when describing pain- but yours is more.. melancholic.. or nostalgic. So long lines of stark imagery would’ve been much better.
Points: 0
Reviews: 109
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