Young Writers Society

Hello!

This was a good poem. You do a really good job of encapsulating this moment. The poem is the perfect length and the image is really interesting and it's fits together really nicely. The descriptions are wonderful. I love how, even though the focus of the poem is more about the reality of how poverty and charity work, the majority of the poems are just these simple descriptions that render such lofty, abstract subjects in a really personal, singular way.

My favorite lines in the poem were "he didn't know me/ neither did I", since this could be taken the he didn't know the speaker and the speaker did know him, or that he didn't know the speaker and the speaker didn't know him/herself either, which is a fascinating concept. I absolutely love double meanings in poems like that.

For me, I felt that the last line fell just a bit flat. The focus of the poem isn't on the other people. Yes, they're mentioned in the last stanza, but it feels more like that's just to create this sense of separation between the narrator and the other temple travelers who seem to be judging the narrator for struggling to find their coin even though the narrator is the one doing the right thing. To end the poem concentrating on the other people, while also limiting the gender of the other people to just men, seemed a bit odd and not in line with the rest of the poem.

Wonderful poem. It reads really well. Hope this review helped. : )
-tgirly

This review courtesy of

Hello! DragonNoir here to write a review! Honestly, I really don't think there is anything you can improve on here. It's really good! I really like the very deep theme of this poem because it talks about something that, sadly, does happen around the world. If there is anything I can say for you to improve, just keep doing what you do!