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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
You've written in the form of a song, the sincerity is raw and absolutely stunning. One can almost hear the melody.
The empathy is strong, nobody who has ever actually experienced leaving or being left behind could read this without feeling the actual sting of dejection. It sure does hurt.
The formatting, as another user mentioned, is unique and definitely works. It's like the 'video' to the whole 'song' feel.
Lastly, you write with the emotion of a young person. The innocence and passion really stand out in juxtaposition. Love it.
Thank you for the review!
Hey there! Shey here to kick this outta the green room with a quick review.
I haven't got much to say other than keep writing like this. This style... I can tell it works for you. Writing poetry is all about style, more so than any other form of literature, so finding the style appropriate for you is key.
I loved the formatting in this poem, because it was simple but still neat. The indentations everytime a word was repeated was, while not unique per say, it worked well and really added to the meaning of the poem.
Poetry is supposed to be simplified story-telling, and you really showed with this poem that you understand that. That is always difficult, so bravo! You did a great job on this poem! Keep up the great work!
-Shey
Thank you for the feedback!
This isZeldaIsShiek (My name is a game spoiler)
ZeldaIsShiek
Spoiler
I thoroughly enjoyed this outstanding work of poetry and appreciated the theme of both moving and leaving behind a childhood friend or memory, but also the pain the one you left behind felt as well. This really hits close to home right now because one of my best friends is going to be going to a different High School as me and I am going to have to leave them behind, in a sense. We'll still be able to see each other and of course we'll still be best friends on YWS, but it will be different not seeing each other every day.
I thought that the true genius behind this literary work is the underlying theme of it not being the one who left that felt the pain, but the one who was left behind. I found it touching how you kept the readers set on the idea that you were moving to a new house and school and you were leaving someone behind but you later reveal that it is not your pain alone, but it is the pain of the 'left behind' that is even greater. I liked how you worded the poem and I didn't find many errors. One of the things I wasn't too fond of was the fact that it started to rhyme and ended in a rhyme, but then it stopped rhyming by the second stanza.
That's all I have to say about your wonderfully written poem. I really liked it, as you can probably tell by all the good things I wrote about it. See you again soon.
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Spoiler
Thanks for the review! I'm glad the poem was able to connect with you. I was concerned it would be too ambiguous and not portray the meaning properly