Young Writers Society

Hey there, Knight Writer!

I was immediately drawn in by the description of this poem, because I kind of identify as someone who has moved schools a lot as well. But then I come in and read it and realize whatever my experience was, your must have been multiplied by like ten, because MAN, have you moved around a lot. (Assuming this is an autobiographical poem!)

Now, the place where I feel like I identify most with this poem is the last stanza, where you finally get into describing how all that moving makes you feel. You talk about how your heart aches because they know the walls and you never will. This is in stark contrast to the rest of the poem, where it feels like you're just listing whether you've moved or not.

To compare, which is more interesting:

First - Annunciation
Third - Metropolitan Open School
Sixth - Benilde St. Margarets
Ninth - Main Street School of Performing Arts
Tenth - Nacel International School

OR

First - Three girls with the same name, first time identified by an extra initial
Third - Corn snakes in the library, Spring traditions in the wildflower garden making friends with nasturtiums
Sixth - Cried in front of the priest, thinking he could see right through me, alone in the pews
Ninth - Walking in ballet shoes down Main Street, sleeping mornings in the coffee shop
Tenth - Failing a Chemistry test, while she cried and wrote down twice as much as I did; friends head back to home countries every lonely summer

These are both descriptions of my schooling, but one gets into specifics, gets into emotions and imagery, and the other is just a list of what schools I moved to. I hope that you are as drawn to the second version as I am -- it's more interesting, more personal, and gives me a lot more to imagine.

So I wonder what this poem would look like if, instead of focusing on whether you moved, you could share more about what those moves meant to you. You said "Hawaii was my home" -- what was that like? I don't know. I"m sure when you read it, you remember all the great times you had, but I don't have access to your memories unless you write them down for me! Like, what country did you go to in 3rd grade?! So many questions!!

Finally, I like the concept of your chorus, but I wonder -- did you move because YOU felt the pull of Wanderlust? Or was it kind of just going along with it because your family felt that?

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you! I really enjoyed reading your poem, so if you have any questions or comments about the review, please PM me!

Good luck,

Hannah

Hi! You have a very effective rhythm here and it parallels the subject of your poem, and I can imagine each short sentence symbolising the months you spent at each school before moving into another school but the chorus that you put in between each stanza:

Place one, place stop
Travel as I always must
Feeling the pull of Wanderlust

Others grew up here
This school is their life
They know nothing else
And I long to know them
I wish I’d been with them
But I am a Traveler