“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”- Elizabeth Gilbert
I have never found a quote I resonate with more than this one. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m quite an emotional person in general. I wear my heart on my sleeve and feel in extremes.
My emotions rule my life. Quite literally. Cataplexy attacks are brought on by extreme emotions. So yeah you can imagine how well that goes for me.... in the middle of an argument with my ex partner and BAM I’m on the floor. Watching a sad movie and HELLO FLOOR. Long stressful day at work, trying to relax and debrief SMACK the floor is my best friend. Because I am an emotional person, I overthink things, stress way more than I should and take on others emotions. This is hardwired into my soul, it’s who I am. Having a condition that literally challenges the fundamentals of who you are is an extremely difficult thing to wrap your head around and deal with.
I like to think I am not a selfish person. I would do anything for anyone and put everyone above myself or before my own needs. Yeah well ah that hasn’t really been working well for my health or my sanity...... I’m not going to lie, my mental health is not at an optimal level. I work 8 hour days with children and put all my energy into creating a wonderful, inviting and engaging space for them to learn in. I then come home and have my own life to live. It has definitely created a pretty stressful, negative place in my mind lately. However, I have come to the conclusion with the help of some very dear and treasured people, that I have to put me first. My emotions and my health need to come first. I can’t do the best for others if I don’t do what’s best for me first. I can’t say it’s going to be easy for me to do or if I’m even going to be able to do it, all I know is I need to try.
So over the next little while there will be some changes happening in my life. Some of these will be big and significant, others will be small and seen insignificant to anyone but me.
I am lost. I am unsure of where I should be in life. But I do know I will find myself.
The first step is understanding, accepting and monitoring my emotions. We all have them and we shouldn’t hide them. Our emotions make us who we are. They are quite literally the best part of us, they show we care, that we love. For me, my emotions are my biggest hurdle. One thing I know for sure is, I will not let my emotions rule me anymore. The next step in my journey is about to begin.