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Ruled by Emotion

by DeliriumNervosa

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”- Elizabeth Gilbert

I have never found a quote I resonate with more than this one. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m quite an emotional person in general. I wear my heart on my sleeve and feel in extremes.
My emotions rule my life. Quite literally. Cataplexy attacks are brought on by extreme emotions. So yeah you can imagine how well that goes for me.... in the middle of an argument with my ex partner and BAM I’m on the floor. Watching a sad movie and HELLO FLOOR. Long stressful day at work, trying to relax and debrief SMACK the floor is my best friend. Because I am an emotional person, I overthink things, stress way more than I should and take on others emotions. This is hardwired into my soul, it’s who I am. Having a condition that literally challenges the fundamentals of who you are is an extremely difficult thing to wrap your head around and deal with.
I like to think I am not a selfish person. I would do anything for anyone and put everyone above myself or before my own needs. Yeah well ah that hasn’t really been working well for my health or my sanity...... I’m not going to lie, my mental health is not at an optimal level. I work 8 hour days with children and put all my energy into creating a wonderful, inviting and engaging space for them to learn in. I then come home and have my own life to live. It has definitely created a pretty stressful, negative place in my mind lately. However, I have come to the conclusion with the help of some very dear and treasured people, that I have to put me first. My emotions and my health need to come first. I can’t do the best for others if I don’t do what’s best for me first. I can’t say it’s going to be easy for me to do or if I’m even going to be able to do it, all I know is I need to try.
So over the next little while there will be some changes happening in my life. Some of these will be big and significant, others will be small and seen insignificant to anyone but me.
I am lost. I am unsure of where I should be in life. But I do know I will find myself.
The first step is understanding, accepting and monitoring my emotions. We all have them and we shouldn’t hide them. Our emotions make us who we are. They are quite literally the best part of us, they show we care, that we love. For me, my emotions are my biggest hurdle. One thing I know for sure is, I will not let my emotions rule me anymore. The next step in my journey is about to begin. 

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5 Reviews

Points: 174
Reviews: 5

Wed May 27, 2020 3:11 pm
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Chaton15 wrote a review...

Gotta say: this was INCREDIBLE to read. First off, it was relatable; I'm an emotional person as well, maybe not as strongly as you are, by reading this, but I get random breakdowns by situations that aren't even that triggering. A lot of people out there have problems like these, but the way you transition to a more lighthearted, encouraging note on overcoming such problems is amazing. Understanding, accepting, and monitoring one's emotions.

The ONLY teeny tiny problem was occasional punctuation errors, but otherwise, this was very well written, and extremely realistic. I love how you're telling us 'your story,' in such an honest way, but again, you're not being pessimistic, which was one of the reasons I loved this so much. If it had ended on the same note as it began with, it would've been depressing. But instead, you said what we all needed to hear. :) <3 What you said about emotions was so true it was shocking; I mean, of course I know what emotions are and what they do, but the way you phrased it was awesome. How they make us who we are, and show we care.

Amazing job! :)

Thank you so much for this lovely review! Yes punctuation is not my strong suit haha but thank you I will have a look and edit it. I am so glad you enjoyed reading it. I like to write about the things that most people either take for granted, refuse to speak about or don't understand. I hope you enjoyed it and will continue to read more of my work as they come to light.

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17 Reviews

Points: 309
Reviews: 17

Sun May 17, 2020 9:32 pm
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madisonperkins59 wrote a review...

I found this very interesting. I can relate and I am also a very emotional person for some reason. I liked how you capitalized the words BAM and SMACK to let the author get a feeling of what it's like. I have never heard of Cataplexy but I will surely look more into it. It is important to always put yourself first before others.

Thank you for reading! I honestly think some of us are just wired that way ahaha
I am learning that lesson the hard way! haha

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49 Reviews

Points: 3013
Reviews: 49

Fri May 15, 2020 2:36 pm
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Stellarjay wrote a review...

Hey DeriliumNervosa,
I always find it hard to review stuff like I won't. Reading your story made me feel empowered to try harder in life. I've never heard of Cataplexy before, I had to look it up. I'm praying that you'll be able to put yourself first and such. What I found really awesome is that your wonderful friends helped you identify a problem and your on the road to solving it.
I hope you have a good day!
- Stellarjay

Hey Stellarjay,
I am very glad this has shone some light on a very unknown disease. I write to ease my mind and it just pours out sometimes haha writing definitely helps with the emotions! I am so bloody lucky to have the friends that I do! It is a confronting and scary thing when I have an episode and they take it in their stride and deal with it like bosses!

A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare