Truth Behind the Lies.

Lies. Why do they come so easily to some people? HOW do they come so easily? I try to lie and I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. A heavy, coal like lump settles in my stomach. I am constantly astounded by how easily and often people can spout so many complete untruths.

What I have never been able to understand is why people feel the need to lie in the first place? Are we that messed up as a society that we believe we’re sparing people by not telling them the truth? That the truth can cause more harm than lies? The truth hurts. Yes sometimes it does. However, I am one million percent sure that I would much rather hear the truth now, process it and accept it, than hear something now and find out further on it was a lie.

I have spent a lot of my adult life being lied to. Relationships I believed were built on trust and intimacy, built on a bed of lies. Nothing within them ever true on the others behalf. Friendships supposedly consisting of mutual trust, respect and empathy, revealing themselves as false as the person’s initial intentions.

I am sure I could continue pondering the reasons why people do things and never come to conclusion. All I know is how I react to their actions, feel about their words. The amount of times my heart has been shattered by lovers and friends when their true self has been revealed is extremely high for someone of such a young age. In my almost 25 years of life, I have experienced more pain, suffering and challenges than some people I know who are in their 50’s.

I understand that I am an empathetic soul. I am kind, caring, too trusting and always believe the best in people. This world has tried to change me. Tried to toughen me, to harden my heart. In all honesty, it has probably been trying to protect me. Souls like mine are extremely prone to disappointment, hurt and heartbreak. 95% of my pain could have been avoided if I had just looked for the signs, paid attention to the actions of others instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt and believing everybody deserves a chance. No, not everyone deserves a chance. However, it is not in my nature to be cynical. I have trust issues and yet once you prove to me I can trust you, they disappear. Only to return when you break that trust and shatter my heart.

Listen to your gut. To your intuition. If you don’t feel right about something or you just feel “off” chances are you’re probably right. So please, run for the flipping hills! Don’t allow yourself the opportunity to invite in unwanted pain. This world can be cruel enough without inflicting pain on yourself.

It may be too late for me to fix myself, however, I can use my experiences to warn others and hopefully arm them with the information and understanding they need to protect their golden souls.

Maybe one day I will learn a technique to protect myself from all the heartache and pain that comes with having my soul. Until then, I will continue to love as I am, live like I know how to and work on finding a strategy to limit the impact others have on me. I am stronger than even the most closest of my friends knows, the problem is deciding when to use that strength to defend myself and when to use it to keep fighting. I never have been good at giving up….

So fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Lie to me and we’re done.