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Don't Lose Control

by DeliriumNervosa


Control is something we have all experienced. Whether it is being in control, losing control or craving control, we have all been there. Some of us more frequently than others. 

Some of us feel like we spend so much time trying to make things work, instead of just letting it happen. Control is not something we tend to give up easily. Sometimes it is not a choice. Sometimes you are forced to give up control. Some people experience loss of control so severe, it leaves them with the inability to lose control and a refusal to ever be forced to give it up again.

We wrap it around us like a blanket. We convince ourselves that if we can maintain control, we can't get hurt. You can control what does or doesn't happen. No surprises. Yes, it is ok to release control at times, it helps prove trust and a sense of security. It is a natural urge to want to surrender control at times when you are safe, secure and content. But until you go through an experience that forces you to relinquish that control, lose your security blanket, you will NEVER understand why some people can't give up control. 

Unfortunately, there are so many reasons why people have to give up their control. These rang from medical to personal and in between. Going through something that forces you to let go of your control, the thing that keeps you safe, is traumatic and fucked up.  

Infertility is one of the many reasons that forces someone to relinquish their control. A woman is genetically designed to procreate. That is why our bodies are the way they are. It's why we are women in the first place. There are many reasons why women choose not to procreate and that is definitely ok! However, there are many women out there that would love to have children and can't. When that choice is taken away, it can be absolutely soul crushing. There are so many women out there that do not deserve to be mums but are; and so many women out there that would make amazing mums but can't. It's not always the fact that they can't have children that affects women the most. It's the fact their choice in something so personal was completely taken away. 

That's an area of control that was taken from Jane. She lost all choice in whether she wanted to be a mum or not. Jane wasn't even given the chance to meet someone who would accept her loss of control and unworthiness as a partner. She was forced to make decisions at 24 that would affect the rest of her life, and she made these decisions alone. These decisions are not something a young, single women should have to make, especially on their own. You are literally making a decision that not only affects you but also any future relationship you may have. How can you make that decision knowing it is ultimately making you unlovable and unwanted. 

Medical conditions also force people to give up their control unwillingly. One of these such conditions is Narcolepsy. Narcolepsy means people can't control their sleep or energy levels. Some of them also have Cataplexy which means they can no longer control their muscles 100% of the time. Emotion is the key to cataplexy. It can mean that randomly, they drop like a sack of potatoes. Do you have any idea what it is like to be able to hear and feel EVERYTHING but be utterly hopeless? To be literally trapped inside your own mind and body?! No you probably don't and probably can't even begin to imagine what it is like. It is so degrading and completely embarrassing. 

Another forced loss of control is rape. Rape is another experience that changes how a woman holds her control. It is by far one of the worst ways to have your control taken. At least if a health issue takes control, it's your own body attacking you. When it's rape, another human being is ripping that control right out of your hands. You are absolutely and completely out of control, with no way of getting it back. Self-preservation begins to kick in. Hence the control blanket still wrapped around so many women. Control is the only armour they have left. It is the only thing holding the shattered pieces of them together. Remove that armour or take it away and you will certainly see them crumble. 

Control has become a weapon. A weapon that has been used against people many times over and over, has now become their greatest protection. So forgive someone if they are hesitant to trust and give you control. Because if they do, you have the power to wholly destroy them. 

A word to the wise: You better earn and appreciate the control someone gives you because you do not know what they have been through. This person may not be able to survive another loss of control. 


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Points: 250
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Wed Aug 05, 2020 2:16 am
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JoyfulMelody wrote a review...



Hi, DeliriumNervosa! I'm here for a quick review. I'm new here and this is my first review, so please understand that I'm not experienced reviewer and I might be a little offensive. I'll try my best to be helpful. Also, belated welcome to YWS!

What the writings contains and shows one's thought is the most important thing about -a story -a essay..What should I call this? Whatever you call it, it's really beautiful piece of writing and it's really interesting since not much people care about other people's trust. They use it for their own good and they might abuse it.

First of all, I want to point out a few things that isn't a complete sentence, that is grammatically incorrect. I like to go into small things, even if it's not the most important part of an writing, it could improve the story, the essay -whatever type of writing it is.
Without farther ado, let me point them out to you.

"Some of us more frequently than others."
You should say "To some of us it could be more frequently than others."
You may have wrote that way one purpose, but I suggest you say "To some of us it could be more frequently than others."
Or use semicolon instead of period after this fragment.

"Sometimes it is not a choice. Sometimes you are forced to give up control. "
You used 'sometimes' twice in this paragraph, maybe you should use another word to say 'sometimes'. Or you could use 'and' before writings 'Sometimes' again in the second sentence.

"No you probably don't and probably can't even begin to imagine what it is like. It is so degrading and completely embarrassing." You could use a comma here.

"No, you probably don't and probably can't even begin to imagine what it is like. It is so degrading and completely embarrassing. "

That's all the small details I think that needs some polishing.

Overall, it's really something everybody should think about. We all should think about that and look back to see if we ever done things to betray someone's trust, to take away all they had left. I love reading this, I always somehow wanted to read or write somethings like this, with a very similar topic. And I think you did an wonderful job.
I hope I'm helpful in someway and I hope that you can write more of this!

Keep on writings!

Best wishes for future work!

Your reviewer,
JoyfulMelody






Thank you so much JoyfulMelody! I like to write about the things that most people won't speak about or feel are taboo. A lot of this stuff I have actually experienced myself and that rally helps! Thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely take it on board!
The one thing I have learnt from this site, is to just have a go and everyone is here to support you! I look forward to reading some of your future work



JoyfulMelody says...


Your welcome! Thank you for understanding! I was really nervous about writing the first review.
Have you really experience the part when you just crumble apart because your most trusted friend or someone just betrays your trust take, and it for granted. Have you lost control or trust before? You said this is based on what you actually experienced, so I was just curious. Sorry if my questions bother you. If you don't want to explain to everybody you can just PM me.

Also, I totally agree with you, you just have a go and everyone supports you! I haven't experienced that part yet, but @ChrisDixon, @Karawesome7 had told me about it.

Thank you!
Love to read more of your work!





I was nervous when I first began reviewing as well but it is such a wonderful experience as you can share how you feel about a piece of writing with the author. Yes I have. I have experienced this. Don't be sorry :) I am quite open with my troubles (well now I am as I write about them hahah). I have had my control taken multiple times and in multiple ways. It sucks but I am stronger now because of it.



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Mon Aug 03, 2020 6:44 pm
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WaterSpout wrote a review...



Hello, DeliriumNervosa, came here to out of curiosity, then decided to review. I hope you find this useful and in no way offensive. I will try my best at giving you helpful tips, but no guarantees. Without further ado, I'll get started with my review.
So first off, this sentence was a great hook:

Control is something we have all experienced. Whether it is being in control, losing control or craving control, we have all been there. Some of us more frequently than others.

And it is true. Not everyone has that same level of self-control so they do these things that aren't actually beneficial to anyone, not even to themselves.
We wrap it around us like a blanket.

Nice use of simile here, though this may not be true for everyone, but I'm just guessing.
But until you go through an experience that forces you to relinquish that control, lose your security blanket, you will NEVER understand why some people can't give up control.

Again, fair point. Not a lot of people care enough to try and understand the problems that other people went through that caused their present mood or attitude. Sometimes you need to step back and analyze what went wrong and try and understand.
Well then, the next chapter gets deeper. I can't say anything about it, because thankfully I haven't been through that, but what you say does make sense.
So forgive someone if they are hesitant to trust and give you control. Because if they do, you have the power to wholly destroy them.

This is powerful. And true, some people mistreat their friend's trust in the most smallest ways that can go a long way.
A word to the wise: You better earn and appreciate the control someone gives you because you do not know what they have been through. This person may not be able to survive another loss of control.

Yes. Like I said, not many people know how to take care of others' trust. They may use it to their advantage, they may lie, or they may abuse it. Well, all of this counts as abuse.
Overall, this is deep for what it talks about. It's not something people really pay attention to, even if they deal with it everyday. Amazing... work? I can't say novel or story, so what should I call this? Essay? Well, whatever you want it to be called, this is amazing and well put out.
Anyways, I hope this was useful in some way and hope that you can write more of this!
With caution,

WaterSpout






Hi WaterSpout,
Your review was in no way offensive! I am so glad you found this compelling and deep. I don't actually know what I would call it haha More like a musing I guess? I tend to just write when I am feeling something or thinking about something and it kinda turns into an Essay type thing haha I have tried the whole novel/short story thing and it wasn't my forte'. If you enjoyed this piece, feel free to check out some of my other work :) Once again thank you so much for your review!



WaterSpout says...


No problem!




I will not condemn you for what you did yesterday, if you do it right today.
— Sheldon S. Maye