Control is something we have all experienced. Whether it is being in control, losing control or craving control, we have all been there. Some of us more frequently than others.
Some of us feel like we spend so much time trying to make things work, instead of just letting it happen. Control is not something we tend to give up easily. Sometimes it is not a choice. Sometimes you are forced to give up control. Some people experience loss of control so severe, it leaves them with the inability to lose control and a refusal to ever be forced to give it up again.
We wrap it around us like a blanket. We convince ourselves that if we can maintain control, we can't get hurt. You can control what does or doesn't happen. No surprises. Yes, it is ok to release control at times, it helps prove trust and a sense of security. It is a natural urge to want to surrender control at times when you are safe, secure and content. But until you go through an experience that forces you to relinquish that control, lose your security blanket, you will NEVER understand why some people can't give up control.
Unfortunately, there are so many reasons why people have to give up their control. These rang from medical to personal and in between. Going through something that forces you to let go of your control, the thing that keeps you safe, is traumatic and fucked up.
Infertility is one of the many reasons that forces someone to relinquish their control. A woman is genetically designed to procreate. That is why our bodies are the way they are. It's why we are women in the first place. There are many reasons why women choose not to procreate and that is definitely ok! However, there are many women out there that would love to have children and can't. When that choice is taken away, it can be absolutely soul crushing. There are so many women out there that do not deserve to be mums but are; and so many women out there that would make amazing mums but can't. It's not always the fact that they can't have children that affects women the most. It's the fact their choice in something so personal was completely taken away.
That's an area of control that was taken from Jane. She lost all choice in whether she wanted to be a mum or not. Jane wasn't even given the chance to meet someone who would accept her loss of control and unworthiness as a partner. She was forced to make decisions at 24 that would affect the rest of her life, and she made these decisions alone. These decisions are not something a young, single women should have to make, especially on their own. You are literally making a decision that not only affects you but also any future relationship you may have. How can you make that decision knowing it is ultimately making you unlovable and unwanted.
Medical conditions also force people to give up their control unwillingly. One of these such conditions is Narcolepsy. Narcolepsy means people can't control their sleep or energy levels. Some of them also have Cataplexy which means they can no longer control their muscles 100% of the time. Emotion is the key to cataplexy. It can mean that randomly, they drop like a sack of potatoes. Do you have any idea what it is like to be able to hear and feel EVERYTHING but be utterly hopeless? To be literally trapped inside your own mind and body?! No you probably don't and probably can't even begin to imagine what it is like. It is so degrading and completely embarrassing.
Another forced loss of control is rape. Rape is another experience that changes how a woman holds her control. It is by far one of the worst ways to have your control taken. At least if a health issue takes control, it's your own body attacking you. When it's rape, another human being is ripping that control right out of your hands. You are absolutely and completely out of control, with no way of getting it back. Self-preservation begins to kick in. Hence the control blanket still wrapped around so many women. Control is the only armour they have left. It is the only thing holding the shattered pieces of them together. Remove that armour or take it away and you will certainly see them crumble.
Control has become a weapon. A weapon that has been used against people many times over and over, has now become their greatest protection. So forgive someone if they are hesitant to trust and give you control. Because if they do, you have the power to wholly destroy them.
A word to the wise: You better earn and appreciate the control someone gives you because you do not know what they have been through. This person may not be able to survive another loss of control.