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Seaworthy

by DarkPrizm


A moon hears the future plot

Of minds that wander at the dock

Cargo loaded and time embarks

Fiendish hearts aboard the ark

~

As eager winds chase its core

The tainted wakes press ashore

To and through the misty broad

The vessel sways with the lost

~

Moon light reflects the course

To the place of soon remorse

Out the broad into the mouth

The current flows swiftly south

~

On the sea of moon set horizon

Apprehension began to heighten

Tidal crests of the moon slew

As fiends tread in pending doom


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9 Reviews


Points: 117
Reviews: 9

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Fri May 13, 2016 9:38 am
AddictedtoDelusion wrote a review...



I loved this! I really enjoy old sea tales, history and pirate novels but this is my first time reading a more modern poets take on the area and I think it was really fascinating.

I love the dark and mysterious atmosphere that you create with the imagery of the moon at the very beginning but only gets more unsettling with the suspense and foreshadowing of the crews possible demise.

The centering and perfect structure of the words is a bit ominous with the focus on the chronology of the ship leaving dock without any complete focus on anyone or thing in particular, but fleeting surroundings that make up a whole and a unified 'apprehension' among the crew.

Overall I really enjoyed this poem and you managed to take an old concept and not have it feel fake or forced, but completely natural and compelling. Almost fantastical. I hope you keep writing x




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271 Reviews


Points: 408
Reviews: 271

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Thu May 12, 2016 7:41 pm
Charm wrote a review...



Hey!

I clicked on this because I was really interested in your title. It seemed really cool and I just liked the title a lot.

I was confused by the rhyme scheme, this is what I got though:

    A moon hears the future plot a
    Of a minds that wander at the dock b
    Cargo loaded and time embarks c
    Fiendish hearts aboard the ark c

    As eager winds chase its core d
    The tainted wakes press ashore d

    To and through the misty broad e
    The vessel sways with the lost f
    Moon reflects the course g
    To the place of soon remorse g

    Out the broad into the mouth h
    The current flows swiftly south h

    On the sea of moon set horizon i
    Apprehension began to heighten j
    Tidal crests of the moon slew k
    As fiends tread in pending doom l

I underlined the lines that rhyme hoping to find a pattern. I did see that you rhyme four lines at a time but I was still confused. I'm one for if you rhyme once you rhyme again causing a pattern. I'd love to see you rhyme throughout the whole poem.

    A moon hears the future plot
    Of a minds that wander at the dock

'a minds' doesn't make much sense, try 'a mind' or just 'minds'

I really liked the flow of the poem. I love poetry about the ocean or the sea.

This is my interpretation of the story:

    A ship is at port, it gets loaded and filled with fiendish people. It sails in the moonlight, through different places. I think something bad happened at the end but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure if this poem was supposed to have any deeper meaning to it other than it being a story about a ship.

I hope my review was helpful!




DarkPrizm says...


yea a minds was an accident, and the rhyme scheme is aa bb... its a slant rhyme, things that almost rhyme but not quite, anyway thanks for the review :3



DarkPrizm says...


Oh and you were partially right about the story, its about people who don't know they will die on the trip



Charm says...


Oh okay!




Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
— Homer Simpson