Math

Hey there CreativeFreak! Let's take a look at your poem, shall we? ^.^

CreativeFreak wrote:Math

I see the numbers
Stretching across the paper.
^
I love this line. However, I think It would be a little more effective if you adds something about how the narrator finds them to be intimidating?

Multiplying property,
Addition.
^
Your opening line was great, but this line is worse. Not that its bad, It's just that it doesn't flow well, and it's very chunky and fragmented. I think you should rewrite it, perhaps something along the lines of, "Multiplication and Property, and Addition too. But there's so much more to do," but you can figure out whatever you want. I think it would be nice if you added a few other aspects of math!

But I don't understand this. You.
^
The 'You' just seems random, and It breaks off the nice flow that you regain with these next couple lines. I'd recommend deleting it, but it's obviously entirely up to you. Other then that, I love how straightforward and even menacing the next couple of lines seem. ^^

I'm trying to figure you out.
An equation. You.
You confuse me, consume me. My thoughts.
^
Rewrite this as, "You confuse me, you consume my thoughts." I Think that would be a little better.
Subtracting,
Now you are gone.
If only I knew how to add.
^
And this last stanza is confusing. I don't really understand the message you are trying to convey.

Hi there!

First of all: brilliant concept. I have to say that right away. I love, love, love what you're going for here.

I do think that you could execute it a bit better, though.

I see the numbers
Stretching across the paper. Maybe it's just that I'm a rhythm freak but this second line throws me off any rhythm you might have right away. Also, "stretching" isn't the word I would use. Maybe... something about the numbers' black-and-white solidity on the page, while you can't pin down the different variables of the person you're trying to figure out?
Multiplying property, (multiplication property? multiplying property? I'm not sure which is correct.)
Addition.
But I don't understand this. You. I love this line. The "you" at the end really works for me, for some reason.
I'm trying to figure you out. This line might be better cut since you're basically just restating your last line (that you don't understand the person). Seems to me that it's not really accomplishing anything in the poem.
An equation. You. Love this line as well!
You confuse me, consume me. My thoughts. Aside from "my thoughts" being a fragment, I'm not crazy about this line. It dips down into "cliche love poetry" territory.
Subtracting,
Now you are gone. Somehow this line seems a little... flat to me. If you could find a way to say this in a more "poetic" way maybe it would work better.
If only I knew how to add. Love this as a last line!

Overall, really nice job! Keep writing.