* Hi. So, this is for my World History Final Project and I'm posting this up so I can get any help or suggestions. Appreciate any critiques.
All day he ponders, full of hatred, contempt,
for all those impure; dirty.
Days with "perfect" people filling the world,
fill his mind.
One problem though,
a let down.
Look at all those filthy people,
wronged even before birth,
that fill his beautiful country.
Final solution? Genocide...
of the Gypsies...
of the Homosexuals...
of the Jews.
He doesn't care about those he will persecute, those he will torture and kill.
It won't come to him:
The thought of more than eleven million dying,
Living as slaves. No. They don't even deserve to be called that.
Everywhere people walk around, terrified of those called the Nazis;
Somewhere people hide, terrified of being abducted.
Return? Let's never go there again.
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I'm not a Jew hater or anything like that, but I find the subject of your poem rather interesting.
The repetition of "fill" her doesn't sound right. How about changing the "fill" in the second line to "clog" or some other synonym of fill.
I suggest taking out the "though" here. The though makes the poem sound a little to airy, and since you're writing about Hitler, I doubt you want it to have a light feel. (I have no idea if I made any sense there.)
This makes it sound like the Jews had something done to them before birth to make them wrong, like they are the victims. (Yes, I know they are the victims of the Holocaust, but I'm not referring to that.) How about "corrupted" instead?
Sorry about my nitpicking on the little things.
Overall, I loved it! Be prepared to get a A+++++ in class!
Firstly I just want to mention that I'm new but I'll give reviewing your poetry a go. I'm Cirque by the way, just so you know.
This poem really stands out. I mean if you walked into a classroom learning history and read this poem you practically have spelt out a summary of how Adolf Hitler and the war began. Your word choice was perfect; everything you seemed weaved a pattern that lit a picture in my head and any other viewers.
Just to say it now, I never really succeeded in poetry so my review may not amount to much but hey, I guess it’s better than anything.
One thing I will comment on though is that you used a few too many commas in this one sentence.
Something about this makes me think that you could shorten them down a tad and add a full stop or two. Just reccomending.
I think this is a perfect description of Adolf Hitler. In my english class right now we're reading Anne Frank and about the Holocaust, so this defintiely describes the man that terrorized millions of people. Good job and I'm sure your teacher will really like this.