a farewell.
a long, sad goodbye.
for many years,
he held onto his trangression
and locked it in the gun rack
leaving it in its disposition:
oiled and shined,
loaded and abandoned.
right by the front door, it was
(for everyone to see).
and when it was questioned,
the old man would break down
saying, "in '75,
the morning after the fight,
one man's tear
made a whole nation cry
and the next day,
our preacher kneeled to pray,
but never got back up."
we would nod and then our minds would
drift out the window
because no one ever knew what that meant.
and he'd say nothing else
then he would get up leave.
some say
he was just another troubled, confused last century soldier.
I say he was forgotten.
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140,566 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
I think every ex soldier has seriously feelings like this...
War is not fun....
I liked this a lot...
I really did, it was a graet poem with great wording and imagery... I just think that there was 1 line that was too long and that was it, but Brad already basically put out what I was going to say.
Great work, haven't see you around much either, still nice to know you're still around.
---Elizabeth
wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlotte
Chevy--
This is the best I've seen from you. It indeed is removed from the self, which is the best way to get better. This is 10% luck, 20% skill, after all.
A possible revision for you to consider below.
it is said that he was just another
troubled soldier from last century.
a farewell.
a long goodbye.
for years,
his trangression
locked in the gun rack,
leaving it in dis-position:
oiled and shined,
loaded, abandoned.
it was right by the front door
(for everyone to see).
when questioned, he would say,
"in '75, the morning after the fight,
one man's tear
made a whole nation cry
and the next day,
our preacher kneeled to pray,
but never got back up."
we would nod but our minds were
drifting out the window
because no one knew what that meant.
he would say nothing else,
get up quietly and leave.
but I say he was forgotten.
Good to see you still around.
All the best,
Brad