12+ Violence Mature Content

Threads Of Destiny:Echoes Of The Pendant Book Three-Snake's Venom Chapter Five-The End

CHAPTER FIVE

Snake awoke first. It was barely dawn yet, and he decided to sit near the edge of the cliff to watch the sun rise. The cool mountain air was chilly. A breeze ruffled his blond hair.

“Hey.” Snake turned his head around to see Dylan approaching. “Hey,” Snake replied uncertainly. He didn’t know what he wanted. Dylan sat beside him. “Do you like Thorn?” Snake looked at him with surprise. He didn’t expect that question.

“I guess…” he suddenly found himself telling Dylan everything, tears falling from his shiny eyes. He told him about Thorn’s plans to take over everything, him being her new assassin, and that if he disobeyed her, he would pay. Why am I venting to Dylan? I’ve never broken down like that in front of anyone! Dylan gently put his arm on his shoulder and pulled Snake close.

“I know what that feels like,” he murmured. Snake hugged Dylan tightly to his chest, feeling the rapid, strong heartbeat of his little brother. He had never been this close to anyone before. He would’ve laughed at the thought of getting this close to Dylan! The sun rose, casting a bright ray of light across their faces. “I’m glad I have you, little brother. I never knew…” Snake murmured.

“Me neither,” Dylan said, his gaze full of understanding. “I just want Cobra to be like any other Tribe,” Snake whispered. “Strong and compassionate.”

“Oh, you are already up!” Snake and Dylan turned to see Frost approaching with a bright smile.

“Hey, Frost.” Snake said, standing up. It felt weird to call her ‘mother.’ “We’ve got to leave soon with the thyme,” Dylan said. “I’ve got to bring it back.”

“Don’t you want to stay a little longer?” Frost asked, a hurt expression on her face. Dylan moved closer to her. “I would love to know you, but we don’t have time,” Dylan breathed. “Why don’t you come to the forest with us?” Snake blurted. “We don’t have space,” Dylan argued. Frost turned to Snake. “That was a great suggestion, but you know Dyl’s right. There is not enough space for three Tribes in the forest. And besides, the mountains aren't so far away. You can come and visit!” She hugged Snake and Dylan. And this time, they hugged her back.

Frost gave them the thyme, enough to last for a month. “Thank you…mother.” Snake whispered. Frost beamed. Dove was standing beside her, and Raven and Soren and Milana also came to join them in leaving. Dove hugged Milana, Snake, then she climbed onto Dylan’s back. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered to him. “I’ll miss the company!” Dove called to the others. “I’ll miss you too,” Dylan whispered back, a huge smile on his face. Dove then climbed off and ran back to Frost. “My sweet Dylan, Snake, Milana. You’ll come and visit, won’t you?” She looked so hopeful. “Sure we will,” Snake assured her. We’ve found our mother. And we’re leaving her again. I hope we will meet again soon.

CHAPTER SIX

They were finally on their way back. Snake’s neck and forehead were dripping with sweat. He could tell Dylan was too, especially from carrying Milana. Raven had stopped her cheerful chatter, and Soren continued on walking quietly. They reached the cliff when they finally stopped. “Okay, so how do we get down?” Raven asked.

“You won’t be going anywhere.” Dylan dropped Milana off. “Who’s there?” he asked. Suddenly, they were surrounded by strong looking men with thick armor and heavy swords. “Who are you?” Snake hissed. “We want the pendant,” one grunted. “And the boy.”

“You others will not be harmed if you just let us take him and the pendant,” another one added. Dylan suddenly sent out a splash of water in all directions, knocking the men back. “Nobody touches me,” he snarled quietly and dangerously, with an edge to his voice. “We’ll see about that,” the first one hissed back. He suddenly lashed out with his sword. Dylan threw a powerful wave of water back as another threw his dagger. He caught it and threw it back. One suddenly caught him off guard and sent a powerful blow to his neck. It missed his throat, but blood started coming out. Dylan ignored it and kept fighting.

Snake suddenly got a blow to the side. I thought this was Dylan’s fight! Snake lashed a punch to his left, giving him a black eye and kicked the one on his right. One of the others sneaked up on him and put one arm around his neck. He started tightening the grip, choking Snake. “Let me go!” he tried to scream. Dylan suddenly blasted the man back, releasing him. “Thanks!” Snake gasped. Dylan smiled faintly before another man landed heavily on him. Dylan dived back into the fight. Snake looked over at Soren. She looked like she was having no problem dealing with the two looming over her. Raven looked like she needed help. One was pinning her down while the other was lashing out at her. Snake barged in between Raven and the man and they got into a wrestle, punching and kicking. Raven now has full control of the man and has gotten a choking move on him.

“The plea in my enemy’s eyes is always gleeful to see.” Snake glanced at the man near the cliff. What is he talking about? Snake let out one last powerful punch and ran over. Dylan was holding onto one of the rocks overhanging the cliff. The man was going to let him fall to death! Dylan’s eyes were full of pleading. “Please…” The man drove his sword into the ground, breaking the stone. He let him fall. “NO!” Snake screamed. Thankfully, Dylan was able to grab onto one of the slabs in the rocks. “I’m slipping!” Dylan cried, holding on with both hands. The man laughed. “You can’t reach him!” He lunged back into the battle. Snake ran to one of the trees and broke off a branch, ignoring the splinters driven into his palm. He held it down to Dylan. “Come on! Take this,” Snake encouraged. Dylan grabbed hold of the stick just as his hand lost grip on the smooth slab. Snake pulled him up. “Thanks,” Dylan said, breathless. They ran back into the battle.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Snake was grappling with a man twice his size. He managed to land a few punches here and there, but the man wasn’t giving up. “Fierce one, eh?”

He suddenly lunged for the sword, and held it tightly in his hand. He slit the man’s throat.

Snake looked over at Dylan. He was being cornered, with the men taking turns showering Dylan with powerful blows from the sword. One knocked him until he staggered, and another knocked him to the ground. Dylan slowly crumpled. The snow under him turned red. NO! Snake ran towards him and stood in front of his brother. He took blow after blow until he felt like he couldn’t take it any longer. Suddenly, Soren dashed in and knocked off five of the men at once! WOW! Snake thought weakly. He ran his hands over his hair and back. His hands were covered in blood. They’ve struck me in the head! He felt dizzy. His vision blurred. Everything went dark.

“Snake? Snake!” Someone was shaking him gently. He opened his eyes and groaned. They were still in the clearing. Soren was standing over him, an expression of concern on her face. “Can you walk?”

“I think so…” Snake stood up and took a step. He wasn’t dizzy anymore. Soren had put snow on his wounds to numb them from the pain, and it had stopped bleeding. Raven was okay, Milana was okay, Soren was okay…Snake looked over at Dylan. He was lying limp in the snow. “Come on! We’ve got to bring him to the lake,” Raven urged. Snake instinctively picked Dylan up, his warm body pressing against his. He could feel his heart slowing. “Just a little longer, little bro.” They slowly climbed down the cliff, then ran into the forest to the lake. Snake gently put him in the water. “Are you sure this works?”

“Absolutely.” Raven sounded really certain. “I’ve seen it.”

Dylan suddenly gasped for air. Snake looked over and what he saw shocked him. Dylan’s wounds were all healed. No blood left, none contaminating the lake either. He ran his wet fingers through his soaked hair. “Thanks,” he said. “Come in, it’ll heal you.” Snake hesitated, then waded in. Soren and Raven did the same. Milana stayed out, since she wasn’t injured. Raven waded closer to Dylan. “I’m so glad you’re alive.” She gave him a quick kiss. Suddenly, Snake’s wounds disappeared completely. “This is crazy. You’re crazy!” Snake said good-naturedly.

“It’s time we get back…” Dylan looked at Snake sadly. “We’ve got to heal our Tribes.”

“Yea…” Snake agreed. He gave Dylan a sad smile. “I’m happy we got to know the truth. I’d never thought that this journey would mean anything to me. But it did.” Snake hugged Dylan. “I’ll see you again, I’m sure of it.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

Snake walked slowly back to his territory with the thyme. He didn’t want to leave the people he journeyed with. “Snake! You’re back! Come quick! Thorn is dying!” Snake looked ahead to see Lyla running towards him. Snake quickly dropped off his thyme in the supply room and ran to Thorn. “You were too late, you foolish boy!” Thorn snarled at him. “I-I’m sorry, Thorn, I tried!” Snake said.

“You didn’t try hard enough.” Thorn’s eyes were glazing over. Her head rolled to the side. She let out one final breath.

“Thorn’s dead.” Snake told Lyla. “Who will be our leader now?” Lyla asked worriedly.

“I know it is Snake’s destiny to become ours.” Snake turned to see Ace approaching them. Snake was shocked. “But…it was my fault,” he muttered guiltily. “It was not your fault. This is how life goes. It was Thorn’s fate. Your destiny. Every person has one,” Ace said.

Snake bowed his head. “I promise to lead Cobra into light, as strong and compassionate as any other Tribe. Cobra is free from Thorn’s reign,” he vowed.

“This is a letter for you, Snake.” Snake turned to see Asolde carrying a letter rolled into a scroll. It had been a few days since he had been named leader, and he was thinking about how to make Cobra a more enjoyable place to live. “Thanks, Isolde.”

“Just doing my job.”

Snake read the letter. It said:

Hi Snake,

I hope things are going well for you. I want to know you better. We didn’t spend much time together, since I went to Eclipse. We weren’t that close. I knew you just as a guard. But I really hope that we can maybe spend some time together? I want to get to know my brother. Do you want to meet me by the lake at noon tomorrow? Reply, I’ll be there.

From,

Dylan

Snake smiled with pleasure. I never knew him well either. I never knew he could be so sweet. No wonder Raven liked him. I only knew Dylan as a cold, unforgiving assassin. He definitely changed himself. But I'm the leader of Cobra now. I’ve got to update him on the news.

Hi Dylan,

It is nice to hear from you. Thorn died from the sickness before I could reach her, and the people of Cobra have decided for me to be the new leader of Cobra. I will shape Cobra into a strong Tribe. I suppose I can go to the lake and put someone else in charge for the day. You sure have changed a lot! We both have.

From,

Snake

Snake grinned at the letter. He then sent a messenger to Cobra to deliver it. While he waited for an answer, he chose his assassin.

“People of Cobra, to me!” his voice echoed around the clearing. The people began gathering below the rock he was standing on. “I have decided it’s time to find Cobra’s assassin.” Snake eyed the crowd. He found a few young girls and boys, but they were way too young to start training. His gaze landed on a teenage boy, not too older than Dylan, maybe around sixteen. He had brown hair. “What’s your name?” he pointed to the boy. “Dallas,” the boy replied. He had a glint of excitement in his steady gaze. Snake knew he was the right one for the job. “Dallas,” Snake repeated. Even the name sounded like Dylan. “You are to be Cobra’s next assassin.”

Dallas’ eyes shone. “I promise to do my best, Snake.” Snake liked the sound of that. “Then that’s settled.” He climbed down from the rock. “Training begins in a few minutes. Get ready.”

Snake watched as Dallas dashed to get ready. He liked Dallas already.

Around three minutes later, Dallas was standing before Snake, eagerness shining in his bright amber eyes. Snake soon realized that he was meant for this. He dodged all the obstacles easily, and managed to surprise Snake once or twice. He knew that he was only two years older than him. “You’re a natural,” Snake panted to Dallas. He smiled. “Thanks!”

“Snake?” Snake turned to see Lyla approaching with another letter. “For you,” she said. Then, she ran off. “You’re dismissed,” Snake told Dallas. He hurried off. Snake unrolled the letter. It said:

I’m glad you replied, Snake. Thorn’s dead? That’s crazy. Congrats on your first day being leader! You’ll be great. That sounds good. That time tomorrow. Saber agreed, somehow I managed to convince that grumpy lump to let me go alone. It took some time, though. I’ll see you tomorrow then?

From,

Dylan

“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Snake whispered to himself quietly. “I’ll get to know him better. Maybe he really isn’t so bad.”

CHAPTER NINE

The next day, Snake put Ace in charge. He was loyal and thoughtful, perfect for the job. “I’ll make sure everything is in order when you’re back,” Ace said. “Thanks, Ace,” Snake said gratefully.

Snake reached the lake to find Dylan facing away from him, reading a book underneath a big evergreen tree. He decided to playfully scare him. Snake crept up silently, quickly. “HI!” he screeched as loud as he could. Dylan jumped in surprise and immediately threw a knife. Snake dodged just in time. “Wow, great defense,” Snake laughed, surprised. “Oh, it’s you.” Dylan got up and placed his book on the ground. “Sorry about that, I thought you were a threat,” Dylan said sheepishly, taking his knife back. “No problem, I’m just glad it didn’t hit me.” Snake walked with Dylan to the edge of the lake. They sat down, gazing at the emerald water.

“I have a new apprentice, a sixteen year old boy called Dallas as an assassin. He seems to be a natural.” Snake cupped some water and let it flow. “Then that’s a good sign,” Dylan said quietly. “Thorn’s finally dead.” Dylan gazed into the distance.

“Yes.” Snake looked at him. “Is something wrong?”

Dylan shook his head no. He looked down. “It’s just so crazy to find out.” Snake knew he was talking about Frost, them being siblings, and the Glacier Tribe. “I know,” he murmured. Dylan looked at Snake. There was something in his warm gaze, something that made Snake smile. Dylan grinned back. There was suddenly a noise to their right. Dylan immediately stiffened up, and Snake was on high alert. The noise came again. Suddenly, something jumped out of the thick bushes. A man crashed into Dylan and knocked him down. Six more men came, wearing thick armor. One was carrying a dagger. The man holding it held it against Dylan’s throat. Snake gasped. It was one of the men from the battle. They were back. “If you don’t let us take him, we can do it one other way,” the man pinning Dylan down snarled. Snake eyed the group. They were stronger and Snake and Dylan were badly outnumbered. There was no way they could fight their way out of this one.

“Take me,” Dylan breathed. “Snake.” Dylan gave Snake a look full of meaning. What do you want me to do!? Snake tried not letting his panic show on his face as the men grabbed Dylan roughly and dragged him away, the leaves rustling. I’ve got to get him back! Snake followed the men as they entered a lighter part of the forest and somewhere Snake didn’t even know existed. They brought Dylan to a post. Then, one of the men looked around. His eyes landed on Snake. Snake tried to slow his beating heart. He spotted me. “I know you are there, boy! Twister, kill him!” Snake ran. He ran blindly, taking twists and turns until he knew no more. He heard Twister pursuing him, getting closer by the second.

CHAPTER TEN

Snake spotted something in his wild gaze. He saw a great hiding place, and ducked inside the ferns, concealing him just as Twister came rushing past. He was breathing heavily, and closed his eyes to catch his breath faster. I have no idea how to find my way back. When he was sure Twister was long gone, he slowly emerged from the ferns. He began walking in a direction he thought was the way to the strange post. He had not noticed the sky was getting darker until it was pitch black. I have to find Dylan. And soon! Snake started in a different direction. He didn’t walk long until he heard a loud noise, coming from a close distance. It sounded like glass breaking. A blue light radiated from in front. Snake ran in that direction, curious to see what was going on. He gently brushed back some flowers to see Dylan. He was chained to the post he saw earlier, the men securing an electric collar around his neck. Dylan was glaring at them with a mixture of fear, fury, and pain. Snake tried not to let out a gasp. Half because of Dylan’s pain, and half because of the pendant. The pendant was shattered on the ground, into pieces. The blue light must’ve been caused by the pendant! What does that mean for the power inside? Snake soon forgot about that thought. I need to save Dylan. But how? The men’s laughter broke his thinking. Snake glanced up. Dylan was getting weaker. His head had fallen, and he was shaking. Snake thought quickly. He went around the place and found some fallen leaves. He crunched up the leaves with his foot to alert the men. Then, he ran away from the place. When he was sure the men had left the post, he circled around and ran back towards the clearing, towards Dylan. Snake knew he had little time. “Dylan!” he whispered. Dylan struggled to lift his head. His eyes were clouded over with agony. “It’s okay. I’m here now.” Snake quickly studied the chains around his neck, wrists, and ankles. Another blast of electricity ran through the collar. Dylan’s head dropped again.

Snake started uncoiling the chains quickly, some managing to break under his sheer strength. He could hear the men’s footsteps from several meters away. “They’re coming! Quick!” Snake hissed. He finished untangling the chains, but couldn’t get the collar off. Snake had no time, he knew. He broke the chains connecting the collar to the post, and he supported Dylan into cover, concealing them both. The collar let out another burst of electricity. Dylan let out a small gasp of pain. Again, Snake tried pulling it off, but it let out another burst. Snake recoiled as pain ran through his fingers. He couldn’t imagine how Dylan was feeling. “He ESCAPED! Why did you leave him unguarded?” One of the men snarled with fury at a teen boy, a bit younger than Snake from the looks of it, maybe around seventeen. “I-I’m s-sorry, Blade.” he backed away in fear.

“Relax…I’m not going to kill you…yet,” the man called Blade slurred smoothly and slowly.

“Y-you’re not?” The boy asked, beginning to relax. Blade motioned for the men to surround him, a tiny motion of his hand. “What are you doing?” Twister and some of the others grabbed him and Blade began hitting him, over and over again with his sharp dagger. The boy gasped in pain.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

“It was a trap!” Dylan hissed. “They are going to kill him!”

“Why do you care?” Snake breathed back, hostility showing in his cold eyes. “He tried to kill you along with the others!”

Dylan stared at Snake intently. “A true Tribemate doesn’t let anyone die without reason.” His eyes flashed. Without telling Snake what he was going to do, Dylan charged out and in a quick, expert motion, swiped the dagger out of Blade’s hand before he knew what happened, and drove it across his throat. Blade fell, and never got up again. The men charged towards Dylan, but he used his water power to drive them back. “Leave now,” he snapped harshly at the men. Snake knew he was trying to act brave, but he was still really weak and could barely summon any water. The collar shook again with powerful electricity, and Dylan collapsed to the ground. Snake rushed forward just as the men charged towards him and the boy. He took the dagger out of Dylan’s hand and swiped at the men, blow after blow until they backed off and fled.

Snake knelt down beside Dylan. “Hey Dylan! You good?” Dylan grunted. “I’ll be fine.” He pushed himself to his feet and stumbled towards the boy, now barely standing. Snake looked at him. “Are you alright?” Dylan breathed to the boy. “All good,” the boy murmured weakly. “Thank you…why’d you help me?”

“It was his idea…” Snake muttered.

“Because you don’t deserve to die without reason.” Dylan suddenly staggered, and Snake grabbed him, steadying him again.

The collar let out another blast. Dylan gasped in agony. “We’ve got to get back.” Snake looked over in the direction of the lake. At least, where he thought the lake was. It’s too far. We’ve got to go to the Glacier Tribe. It must be closer. “We’ve got to go to the Glacier Tribe. It’s closer,” Snake insisted. “What’s your name?” Snake turned to the boy sharply. “It’s Storm.”

“Okay Storm.” Snake struggled to support both of them as they walked blindly towards the direction of the cliff. Snake’s vision was blurring with exhaustion. He stumbled, and fell. Everything went dark.

The next time he woke, it was bright. Storm was staring at him. Snake quickly sat up. He had dozed off. “Let’s keep going,” he muttered. They continued for a little while. “Hey! You’re Snake, right?” A voice asked. Snake turned sharply around. It was…Aidan! “Aidan!”

Aidan gasped when he saw the condition of Dylan and Storm. “You guys look exhausted! Come, I’ll bring you to our Base.”

Frost gasped with shock and concern when she saw Dylan and Snake. She ran and helped Dylan and Snake to a bedroom. “Who’s this?” she asked, gesturing to Storm. “We’ll explain later,” Snake said quickly. Another burst of electricity blasted through the collar, strikes hitting Dylan’s neck hard. Dylan shook with agony and pain. Frost gasped again. She immediately asked one of her men to remove it. They did their job, and the collar was off and discarded in a few seconds. No more pain.

CHAPTER TWELVE

“This is Storm.” It had been a day since they got to the Glacier Tribe. Snake introduced Storm and told Frost about the men, Dylan’s pendant, and Blade and Twister. “What are we going to do about the shattered pendant?” Dylan asked quietly. “The power would be gone. Forever. The pendant is over.”

“It’s okay. No more pain will be caused by it,” Snake answered. “I’m sorry for hurting you,” Storm muttered guiltily.

“All is forgiven,” Dylan murmured with a slight smile.

“I know you will have to leave soon.” Frost said sadly. “Your Tribes are where you belong.” She hugged Dylan and Snake, and gave a smile to Storm. “Where are you going to go?” Storm shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“I can take you in,” Frost said immediately. “Really?” Storm said eagerly. “Yes.”

Snake was deep in thought. We will return to our Tribes. The pendant’s power is over. Dylan’s pain will be over. Everything will be okay.

THE NEXT SET IS COMING!

COMING UP:

THREADS OF DESTINY, CLASH OF THE TRIBES, BOOK ONE:

STORM’S FURY

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
dragonight9
Review

Hi Cats! I'm so excited to see what happens next. I'll be moving through quickly and focusing more on any improvements I can find for this one since there's a lot of chapters to cover.
Of course I will point out the stuff that makes me laugh too ;)


Chapter 5

This chapter was a great continuation of the last one. Your descriptions were good and emotions well portrayed.

My critiques are that Snake seemed to open up too quickly. We've seen that he was a suspicious type but then he just accepted that Frost was his mother and Dylan was his brother. It was especially fast for him to break down in front of Dylan who was basically his enemy up to this point.

Another thing:

Dove was standing beside her, and Raven and Soren and Milana also came to join them in leaving. Dove hugged Milana, Snake, then she climbed onto Dylan’s back.
The lists you have here look off. My standard for making a list is that you should use 'and' for two things but for three or more you just want a comma (perhaps with 'and' at the end of the list). In the above quote there are two lists that have the opposite issue by my standard.


Chapter 6

I liked the action in this chapter, though I'm not sure you needed to split it between two chapters. However, chapter length is totally up to you so no real critique there.

Raven now has full control of the man and has gotten a choking move on him.
You are using present tense 'has' when I believe the proper English is past tense 'had.'
Also, this fight was a bit confusing about the number of enemies. It didn't seem like a lot at the start but when snake looked around it was like there were two enemies or more for every member of the main party. When they are first introduce you could say something like "a large group that outnumbered them two to one" to get the picture across more clearly.

The scene at the end with Dylan hanging off the edge was a bit confusing to me from a realism stand point. If these guys were after Dylan (presumably needing him alive) then throwing him off the cliff endangered both his life and the pendant (assuming he was wearing it). Then the guy also ignored Snake to go fight someone else which he really had no reason to do. (maybe if he was specifically helping the one Raven had in a choke hold it would make sense to rush to help him)

Chapter 7

You mention a sword multiple times in the beginning of the chapter. Is it the same sword? Where were swords during the fight in the last chapter? Why did the sword blow stagger rather than cut Dylan? Is it blunt?
These kinds of unanswered questions can disrupt immersion and make the chapter feel unsatisfying.

They were still in the clearing.
I thought they were on the edge of a cliff?

They slowly climbed down the cliff, then ran into the forest to the lake. Snake gently put him in the water.
At the beginning of the fight the party questioned how they were going to get down the cliff and it seemed like a perilous obstacle, but now going down sounds so simple. If you mention a place being difficult to traverse you can't mention offhand that they passed without issue or it feels wrong.

As the party breaks up at the end of this chapter I was left thinking, "I hope the relationship between Snake and Dylan remains friendly or this will get really confusing." (on the surface it can change, like if Snake is just acting so Thorn doesn't get suspicious, but deep down he still cares for Dylan)

Chapter 8

WHAT! Thorn is dead?! I certainly wasn't expecting that twist. Though the fact Snake dropped off the Thyme in the storage room rather than bringing it straight to Thorn make me think he wanted her dead. If not on consciously than perhaps deep down.

His gaze landed on a teenage boy, not too older than Dylan
The English here is off. Perhaps you meant, 'not too much older'

I wonder if (at least in Cobra) the next chief is always the assassin and they train up their successor.

Snake seems to be a great leader and is changing Cobra for the better. I just hope those letters are actually from Dylan and not someone trying to get them both alone.

Chapter 9

Thorn's death must be a lot for Dylan and Snake, on top of finding out about their family. You did a good job showing that, though I wish they had a bit more time to talk it through.

I knew they were going to be attacked. These guys seem to be part of that bigger world beyond the tribes. I like how you can make their small area seem like all that matters and yet when they leave the outside seems so much bigger that what they do is almost inconsequential.

Being right beside a lake, I'm surprised Dylan didn't stand more of a chance, though, I suppose they got to him first. 'Sigh' He always seems to be getting captured doesn't he?

It also interested me how young the main cast is compared to these intruders. The level of responsibility they have made me see them as much older than they were. When the man called Snake a boy it really hit me.

Chapter 10

Not much to say for this one. Snake was smart in his execution of the plan to rescue Dylan, but I thought he was going to get some backup first, considering he mentioned being no match for the men earlier.

The breaking of the pendant helped the scene where Dylan was handing off the cliff in the last fight make more sense. It also makes me think that these men know more about it than our main cast, or are completely ignorant.

Chapter 11

Again, it feels like the strength balancing is off. Even if Dylan took out their leader, Snake beat back the rest of the group without issue despite calling out such a thing was unlikely before. He also had trouble with two opponents in the last fight and there must have been at least five this time.
But, I will say that I enjoyed the heroism of the moment and how Snake still helped despite Dylan's rash actions.

It’s too far. We’ve got to go to the Glacier Tribe. It must be closer. “We’ve got to go to the Glacier Tribe. It’s closer,” Snake insisted.
Was the first time his thoughts? Even if so, you don't need to repeat it. Saying it out loud is enough.

The color is interesting to me. It seems to be magical in some way since there is no source of electricity. It is also stronger than the chains that held Dylan to the post unless the shock Snake felt was enough to deter him from trying to remove it, which would seem a bit against his character.

I am glad they were able to remove the collar when they reached Glacier, but it makes me wonder how long Dylan will be out of commission and the fallout from both of them being away from their tribes.


Chapter 12

This was a great wrap up chapter but it left me with a lot of questions (some of which I expect to be answered in a later book).

I first want to mention how naive Dylan can seem at times. He has the qualities of a hero but lacks the realism I keep expecting from an assassin. I suppose that is my own bias though so no need to worry about that.

I still wonder if we are going to learn more about the pendant, its origins, power, and role in the wider world. I'm not sure if this is the last we will here of the pendant's power, but from what I know of your writing style it very well could be.

Then we have this new group with armor and cruelty. I wonder if they will play a bigger role later on or what group they represent. They could also, just as easily, have the only purpose of destroying the pendant so that it is not the fault of any of the main groups.

My last question is how the connections and alliances between the tribes will grow moving forward. There are so many directions you can take it!

But as always,
May blazing dragon-fire light your path and ignite the flames of your inspiration.






thank you so much!! i actually love the criticism bc it helps me to find ways to improve!! thank uuuu

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review · Wed Nov 26, 2025 11:10 am

Ohhh I wish there was a bit more lead up to the emotional break down of Snake. Like a bit of lingering sentiment, and then when the small push from Dylan comes, he’s ready to tell him everything. Maybe you could also factor in somehow, that it’s also guided by them being related now.

I know I know but I had to giggle at “But we don’t have time” bc I kept thinking “Don’t you mean you don’t have … THYME?” XD

Ah I feel like you’re a bit more ready to describe things when you head into a new chapter but then get so excited by your plot that you just… stop and try to focus only on dialogue and some character interactions. Trust me, they work so much better with descriptions sprinkled in!

Oh I like that Dylan is the one defending himself with “Nobody touches me!” I didn’t expect that! I get it now that this is after he’s been captured by Scarlett’s ppl? So no wonder he doesn’t want anyone to capture him again!

Another tip for fight scenes is to really get into the POV character’s head and describe things HE’s noticing in ways that fits him. Maybe some internal monologue to show what he priorities etc. F.e “Raven looked like she needed help” feels very unspecific. I know you go into detail in the next sentence but this one already feels very jarring. Maybe have Snake look at Soren, describe how she handles herself expertly and then he wants to go search for his own enemy but BAM there’s Raven and she’s pinned! Looks like she needs help! There we go 😊

Hm if the lake heals, why haven’t they brought the sick to it?

I honestly didn’t expect Thorn to die. Especially since the others were talking abt her as some sorta future villain but now she’s dead ☹
Also curious that it’s Snake that gets to become new leader. How did Ace know this? Very intriguing.

Also wish there was more explanation on why he chose Dallas? Maybe make it a bit more mystical?
Now that I’m a bit deeper into the story, I’m kinda wondering why they even need assassins. Snake’s job so far has only been to go to the mountain and bring back some herbs xd

Ahh Dylan sacrifices himself only for Snake to totally blow it by being spotted D=

Oh no, the pendant got destroyed O-O

Hm I feel like the entire capture and rescue sequence is rushed. More descriptions, more emotions please! Also, you have an electric shock collar where Snake recoils in pain from even by just touching it and yet all Dylan does is gasp?oô Either commit, or leave it out.

Now I’m really curious what type of power the pendant had and what it gave Dylan. Everyone seems to want to kidnap him, but maybe only for the power of the pendant?

Yes, it can be a bit confusing. This book is before Scarlett tho%u2026it might make more sense if you read it in order :)
Thanks so muchhhhh

User avatar
AlexWrites
Review

Hey, CATS! This is Alex, leaving his last official review for the day. Had such a blast today! Let's break down this finale of book three, I'm eager to see what plot is waiting to unfold.

Chapter 5

I feel bad for Snake breaking down like that but he's got support. It's endearing to see Dylan console Snake and noone could understand his situation better than Thorn's former assasin, afterall.

I'm still not over Snake being the elder one though lol. It's so saddening to hear his simple wish for Cobra's to be like any other self sufficient tribe, but alas Thorn's ambitions has made them reaching out to something that doesn't belong to them. Thorn's greed is the biggest poison for the Cobras, eating them away from the inside.

Oh the mother's dilemma! Meeting her kids after so long, but having to let go of them this soon as time is of the essence for the recovery of the tribes. A shattering scene, to say the least.

Chapter 6

An ambush, oh my! You'd think I would have gotten used to them by now but they always come out of thin air. Another great action sequel!

I like how you mention the fight in detail, matching the personality of the characters with how they battle, like -

1. Dylan being the lead, uses his powers fearlessly. He's used to combat and his powers and it shows. It's clear why the villains are after him.
2. Soren, being a professional fighter, does not have much difficulty handling the attackers. We don't know her that well but she's undeniably active and strong, from what I've interpreted so far.
3. Raven, not being versed with battles, struggles. Sneaking up on Razor from behind is one thing but her inexperience in fighting face to face has been consistent with her comparatively gentle character.
4. Snake, being an outsider, is reluctant to partake in the battle. He initially believes it to be Dylan's fight alone. He feels out of place with the group and doesn't realise their survival is tied.

I liked how Snake returned the favour, pulling up Dylan overlooking his own palm overcome with pain. It inevitably strengths their bond.

Chapter 7

Oh my, I never would've imagined Snake taking stabs to save his brother, Dylan. So very noble of him! It's particularly unlike his unusual tendencies, for a character who's always been represented as weak and cowardly. And damn, Soren is strong alright..

Chapter 8

THORN IS DEAD?! just like that.. wow
I just never guessed it'd be that easy, the end is really looking happy now. Snake is a nice guy at heart, I'm sure he'd make a great leader. The letter were nice exchanges, I'm curious to see how their meeting will go.

Chapter 9

Oh no.. the attackers are back and they've got Dylan this time. It was nice to Snake follow them (clever and brave, the character arc is really good for a character that was initially so fearful) but alas, now even he's running for his life. Both brothers' lives seem to be in danger ahhhh I'm too nervous to continue.

Chapter 10

Yay, rescue mission is successful. Well done, Snake! It's particularly impressive how he did it single handedly while similiar missions took multiple people such as Raven, Saber and Shadow rescuing Dylan from Razor. I did find his technique repetitive with what the three of them had used earlier. But it's been a long story, you're bound to run out of ideas at some instance, I can't blame you for reusing some of them.

Also, I feel like Blade so similiar to Thorn, torturing teen boys who fail them. Such a horrible way to treat someone who serves them, terribly inhumane. I see that boy a symbol of Dylan's and Snake's past. I wonder if they watched it all happen and if it freshened the memory of some old trauma.

Chapter 11

Dylan's heroics land him in bigger troubles than he starts out with. But this considerate personality is what makes him our lead protagonist, caring even about the life of the people fighting on the other side as him. He's so brave, truly. Makes his position well earned in the eyes of the reader. Snake is good but we see how he's nowhere near Dylan, as he does not seem to understand why they should care about what happens to Storm. He's rational and it's certainly not a bad trait to have, but he does have morals so high that he'd jump in fire just to save someone else. In this way, both these characters are immensely different and as a result, serve varying roles in the story.

I'm not sure Frost could help heal Dylan as well the lake could but it sounds logical for them to choose the place that's closer, given their bad physical condition. Given her authority in her tribe, she could certainly do something with it- as she freed Dylan of the collar in mere seconds by ordering her guards. This is one thing even the lake couldn't have helped with. It might've made his injuries vanish but the shocks would've continued. And given that they'd be in water, they might even be manifold worse! I also liked that Storm is the one who reveals it, because he'd know where they are at the moment, as he's a local. Such a tiny detail, yet you get it right. Commendable!

Chapter 12

Oh yes, I forgot the pendant! Now that's it's shattered, it's powers have ceased to exist with it. Now that's some abrupt end to things. I would've appreciated a more neat closing but I think it serves it's own message - destruction of power is the only real way you prevent it from falling in the wrong hands.

I see the series still has another book, I'm too tired to finish it today. Perhaps I'll get to read it soon. I've had a blast reading this series! But I must admit, book 1 was hard to beat. I liked this book better than the second as Snake's character arc was rather unpredictable. Also objectively, it didn't contain those yapping about destinies but there was lesser unjustified information. Snake's character was compelling enough to drag the narrative in the last few chapters alone, I think that says a lot in itself.

It my absolute honour to review this series, it's been such a captivating read.

Signing off for the day,
Happy August Review Day 2025!
Alex

Thank you for yet another wonderful review. Congrats to team cowboys for winning! A strong finish, I must say.

If you are disappointed in the ending of the pendant, I suggest to read The Umber Veil%u2026that%u2019s not yet the end%u2026;)

Don't worry, I'm planning to read the entire series in sequence gradually for this RevMo. I'm guessing I'll read the next book tomorrow, so look out for a notification lol

Thank you! I really appreciate you!



Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
— Abraham Lincoln