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Young Writers Society



Nonstop ROTC (Part 4)

by AyumiGosu17


Friday was a day of fun. We had our Physical Fitness Test in the morning, which was pain all over again. The push-ups, sit-ups, and two mile run left me with pain, breathless, and shaking as I forced myself to stay standing. Wayne stayed in step with me the entire time, rather than speed off and race to the finish line with Jose, Jamon, and the other avid athletes present. We finished the run, neck-to-neck, in ten minutes.

The rest of the day was ours. We returned to the barracks for a two-hour free period, in which I fell asleep with a pencil in hand and a drawing pad on my pillow. Before lunch, extra sports were held. Egg toss, tug-of-war, and several others were the rewards for our weeklong training, and we all enjoyed them thoroughly. Well, I enjoyed them until the commanders told me I was “too small” for tug-of-war…that annoyed me beyond belief.

After lunch, there was an awards ceremony. Medals were given to the many different positions in the four companies: Best Company Commander, Best Cadet, Best Platoon Leader, Best Squad Leader, Most Motivated, and Most Athletic. Then there were company awards: Best Company, Most Spirited Company, Most Athletic Company, and so on. Several people from Greenville got awards, including Kelly and Andres, but not me.

The ceremony was hurried. A storm was rolling in from two different directions, and the wind was beginning to gust. The sky darkened and everything grew hot before the temperature plummeted. This storm would last for a while…

“Everyone, to the barracks! Double time!” our Battalion Commander shouted through his megaphone. Everyone took off running. I forgot about my ribs, which felt cracked, and ran as hard and fast as I could. Wayne and Mick called after me, but I left them behind. I was afraid of such weather after another adventure two years before, and I didn’t want to relive it.

I was the second to reach the bay, where I collapsed onto a bed well away from the door. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. My whole body was shaking, my side seared. All I could do was lay there, panting and biting back cries of my pain…then I was asleep, unconscious, dead to the world around me…

I slept for four hours. When I woke at three-thirty, the rain was still falling and some of my friends from the other bays had come to sit and talk. Some were doing each other’s hair, which they hoped would last until the dance later. I just lay there; I was still in so much pain. Running had been a big mistake; I wouldn’t be able to move properly for another while.

The dance was in the big parking lot above the hill I had tumbled down. A DJ had set up his equipment underneath a covered seating area, and mixes of Pop, Country, R and B, and Rock blared across the base. Several large groups were dancing, most of them groups from the different companies, but the rest were even mixes of everyone: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta companies.

I enjoyed the dance, but I had to stop occasionally. Moving too much or too fast would cause my side to sear and pound again, and I would have to stop to catch my breath and let the pain subside. Rain came again, and rainbows stretched on either side of the sky. The dance was perfect. Outdoors, in rain or shine, at twilight on the last night of camp…

The last night. I would be going home tomorrow. I would be leaving Heather, Nina, Mick, and Wayne until next summer, unless we had means of communication. That thought alone ruined everything. We would be separated, going our different ways, having to use Internet, letters, and phones to keep in touch. I cried that night, distraught that I would have to say goodbye to so many wonderful people, so many new friends, the one boy I had grown exceptionally close to…I fell asleep thinking about them.

I wept on the way home and when I was home. I miss everyone I met, everyone I got to work in teams with, everyone I had spent even five minutes near and talking to. I miss the base and the protocol, the musky barracks and the slimy bathroom, the courses out in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere, the rappelling tower, the forest I spent three hours in with two of the funniest boys in the whole world, in the medics’ station with two wonderful, beautiful girls.

I will return next year. That is absolute. I will be reunited with my friends and my long-distance boyfriend. I’ll enjoy another week in summer at a high school basic training program.


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2631 Reviews


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Sat Sep 15, 2007 10:56 pm
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Rydia wrote a review...



This chapter reverts to the reporting style a bit which is too distant for this sort of story so consider revising that. Also, you should have probably spent more time on the dance section and the emotions involved rather than the whole returning home and going again next year. It was okay though and I only noticed a few typos -

The push-ups, sit-ups, and two mile run left me [s]with[/s] in pain, breathless, and shaking as I forced myself to stay standing.

Wayne stayed in step with me the entire time, rather than [s]speed off and race[/s] racing to the finish line with Jose, Jamon, and the other avid athletes present.

Egg toss, tug-of-war, and several others were the rewards for our week-long training, and we all enjoyed them thoroughly.

Overall, the idea behind the story is awesome and you have some nice description in the middle chapters but the beginning and ending need to be re-written and the characterization needs some work.




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Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:47 pm
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canislupis wrote a review...



Well, I found the same things wrong with this as I did with the first one. (See my review) I think you definitely need to space out your posts, since you posted all of these at the same time. It makes people less inclined to read your story. This one was better than the last in that it had dialogue, but worse in the fact that it was confusing.
When you post everything at once, it clogs the message boards, and can also affect the quality of your writing since you don't have the chance to revise it in accordance with reviewers before you post them. also, you need to give these some kind of number, or an order in which to read them. I am assuming that this is the last, but you posted it second with the same title as the first one.
Lastly,





Monster is a relative term. To a canary, a cat is a monster. We're just used to being the cat.
— Henry Wu, "Jurassic World"