Nonstop ROTC (Part 3)

The next morning, I could barely move. I still ached, and I was stiffer.

Wayne was by my side the instant he saw me limping onto the field to do our PT.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, ready to support me if I needed it.

“I’m hurting…my shoulder and side are killing me,” I breathed. It hurt to talk too loud.

“Why’d you take off, anyway? I didn’t know where you were!”

“I run to calm down. Sorry.”

“It’s all right.” There was a moment’s silence. “I was really worried about you.”

“You know what happened?”

“Yeah. Heather found me and told me. The lady at the medic’s wouldn’t let me in, though. It was almost curfew!” His accurate imitation of her voice brought a brief smile to my lips.

That made me feel better, just knowing that he had come to me and worried about me. It wasn’t enough for me to complete PT, though; at least, not the mile run.

Wayne, Mick, Heather, and Nina wouldn’t leave my side all day. When we reached our destinations, they waited with me, making me wait until everyone else had completed the miniature missions to take my turn. During those hour-long waits and during our water breaks, Wayne sat close enough to me to let me lean my head on his shoulder. I actually dozed off a couple of times, and in my sub-conscious mind, I remember hearing him tell people to leave me alone and let me sleep, that I had been hurt. I would always wake to see him watching me, asking me how I felt. Those times always made me feel better.

By noon, I had loosened up and could move easier. The BDU Camouflage pants kept scratching the hand-sized abrasion on my leg, but with an Advil, I barely noticed. I could breathe easier, but anything too strenuous doubled me over, just as touching my side brought pained hisses from my mouth. At least I was able to laugh and talk in my normal, perky, slightly loud voice.

The rappel tower was the best part of the whole camp, and it was our next destination. A fifty-foot tower you had to jump backwards off of, easing your way down by kicking off of the wall and releasing the only line that kept you airborne. Terrifying, yes, but exciting.

I walked up the seven or eight flights of stairs, hand-tied rope harness half cutting the circulation out of my legs, leather gloves collecting sweat from heat and fear, helmet weighing my head down. I couldn’t stop trembling. My breath came in shudders, making my side hurt again. Tears stung my eyes as I was called to the platform, the only safety of the whole course, that single rope, fastened to my harness. I stammered my fear to the instructor.

“It’s okay, Miss Goss,” he spoke calm, soft, and reassuring. “You’re not going to fall.”

“I’m afraid!” I couldn’t stop the sobs. I felt ridiculous, crying at a military camp in front of military personnel.

“I know. Everyone is afraid at first. But listen, you are perfectly safe. You’ve got two big men holding this rope for you, me up here and that guy down there. We won’t let you fall, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” He pat me gently on the shoulder, pulling out a napkin for me to wipe my tears with. “Okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Want to go down the stairs?”

“No, sir. I’ll…I’ll try it.”

“You sure? If you’re afraid, you don’t have to go.”

“No, I want to try. If I don’t like it, I won’t do it again.”

He couldn’t hide that smile. I knew he had expected me to try the rappel tower, and maybe he knew that I wouldn’t back down. I would go forward and face my fears, even though it terrified me to tears.

I turned and took hold of the rope, keeping it tight in my grip. Would I fall? That question pulled at my nerves with every inch that I leaned back. “On belay!” I forced myself to say, letting the man at the bottom know I was going to go. “Belay on!” was the answer I got.

And I was rappelling. It felt like I was falling, slowly but surely. My knees shook so bad, they buckled when I hit the wall, bringing me face-first into the boards. The rope burned me through my brown BDU shirt, and I let go again. Every time I stretched my arm out, freeing the rope, I slid down the wall, trying to get back on my feet, and again I would hit the wall. Finally, after what seemed like forever – it was actually only maybe a minute – I touched down on the ground and staggered, shaking to the other instructor.

I screamed the finishing command, hurried stripped off the harness and gloves, and ran to the fence, to my water canteen, to Heather and Nina. I collapsed in tears, my whole body trembling from the experience, my sides burning from my fall the night before and the rope burn I now had. The girls tried to comfort me, to calm me down, but there was no stopping it. All I wanted, all I knew that would calm me down, was Wayne.

I finally saw him sitting on nearby bleachers, and I ran to him. He held me in a comforting embrace as Heather explained why I was so upset, and he wouldn’t leave me until I had stopped crying.

I laugh at my behavior. After being so afraid, I chose to come down the tower again.