September 5, 2013
Benign tumor.
Why did that have to be the first thing I heard this morning? A benign tumor, namely dermatoid, encasing my left ovary. That damn eagle was taunting me, laughing at me. God is letting me get ripped apart, and He’s not doing anything about it. Why me? Why me? What have I done?
I will need surgery. He said it’s not considered dangerous yet, but it does still need to go. I’m just afraid that, with the way he went on, the ovary will go too. Nothing is set yet; I’m still trying to get in touch with Jeff and mom. Then I make the appointment.
Why me? Why now? Haven’t I gone through enough? Losing my scholarship, changing my major, -
...
Mom called. I love her so much… There’s nothing like your mother’s voice to brighten you up, even a little.
Turns out, “benign” means that it’s not cancer yet, but it could still become cancer. And having one ovary is not so bad; it will just be harder to have children. Mom is going to get off at 11:30 and come meet me for lunch. Let’s see if I can last until then. That’s two hours…
...
The surgery has been scheduled. I really have to push sales now. I got $2500 this morning; I need at least $7000 more to make my requirement. Losing the last week of the month, entirely, could help me hurt me. I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I’m so grateful to Mr. Scott. He may be at a loss of words, but he’s still so nice to me – checking on me and letting me hide and cry in his office, helping me with sales by being the guiding light I guess you could say, telling me that it will be alright and that I’ll be fine, sharing his memories of surgeries with me so that I won’t be so afraid… I’m so scared right now. I hate hospitals. I hate needles. I hate the thought of having something inside me to cut away at things that don’t belong there. I hate confinement and restrictions. I hate medications. I hate that this is all happening. Why now? Why me? Why me?
What is this going to do to me?
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
You have a really lovely sense of pacing. This is a perfectly refreshing opening to the situation: genuine and honest emotion full of confusion, regret, anger, and questions. There are some odd moments of phrasing, like here:
I'm not sure what that means -- how could losing the last month help her? What is she being safe with or sorry with?
And here:
First, the phrasing is "loss for words", but that means he doesn't have anything to say. Then you go on to tell the reader he shares with her stories of his past surgeries and tells her everything will be okay, so that's kind of contradictory.
My favorite moment is when she's waiting for her mom and wondering if she can last that long. She's already waited over a month, and now two hours even is a challenge. So real. You could study this journal really carefully to find out how to pull of realistic characters in the future.
Hi there! Here to review your chapter this evening! Forgive me if I get confused at any point as I haven't read any of your other chapters.
Here goes! I will review as I read.
I already like the fact that it's a diary entry. It's a confident thing to do and quite different to most things here on YWS.
Also – just starting with the words “benign tumour” is a fantastic way to start. It draws the reader in immediately. It's such a raw subject.
I've just read the comment that you wrote underneath the previous review! I'm so sorry that this is actually happening to someone that you know. This is a very personal post & don't think that anyone can really criticise it. If it helps her through it all then that's great!
Good luck! I hope everything works out ok.
Olive <3
I just remembered! I totally did read the first chapter of this. I will have to get around to reading the others.
I really like this. I haven't read any of your previous work, but I might need to when I can find the time. Your character was very real and easy to relate to with her benign tumor. Cancer, I think, is something everyone fears in this modern-day world. Your writing was very personable and easy to read. Thank you for posting!
The reason why it feels so real is because it is real. Ayumi is going through all of this right now, and posting journals about it on YWS is one of the only outlets she has to deal with it.