Kagiso: Chapter 2

by AyumiGosu17

Published November 25, 2020

12+ Violence

In Fiction

She made no sound, crouched in the shadows of feathered fronds. Thick brown hair, braided and twisted into a knot on her head, shifted in a light breeze. It came into her face. She squeezed her bow, and that was the only thing that moved. Beside her, a man breathed lightly, motionless as he stared at the same object of her attention.

A pair of forest antelope stood a dozen paces in front of them. The deep, almost mahogany brown of their hide was broken by alternating black and cream stripes, and a pair of thick, sweeping horns rose between their ears, arching back over their necks. One had broader shoulders and a heavy neck. The other stood a hand shorter and was wider in the gut and hips.

The girl nudged the man on the elbow. She gestured to the smaller antelope, then to her stomach. He nodded, barely moving. He pointed to their left and began to crawl through the dense, dark brush. It put them closer to the apparent bull. Once they were in a better position on it's broadside, the man touched her on the upper arm. He made a motion, as if drawing back an invisible bow, then tapped himself on the back of the shoulder. She nodded, lifted her bow, and slowly drew back on the string.

"Breathe in," he barely whispered.

She listened.

"Breathe out."

Once again, she listened. He whispered to her one more time, and she breathed in and held it. Her hand steadied, she lined up her shot, and she fired. The arrow slipped through the brush and sank deep into the bull's shoulder. It gave a low bleat and staggered, trotting a short distance before finally stumbling over. The cow trotted off without him, along with two others they had not seen in the thick woods.

The man chuckled and hugged her with one arm. "You did it! You killed your first bull!"

She giggled breathlessly and nodded. "I did it. I did it! Let's go look."

He nodded. "We'll have to get back soon. Come on, Eluia."

The pair rose up out of their hiding spot. They found the bull and he nodded in satisfaction. "He's good. Strong. He'll feed the village for three days. Find a sapling. I'll get the vines." They worked together, quickly getting the antelope fashioned onto a sapling that they could hoist. But as they got ready to haul her kill back to the village, a third man of similar complexion ran up on them, interrupting her thoughts and their work. He was panting, and his eyes were wide.

"Ueman, what is it?" the hunter asked.

"Mazat," he panted, "ghosts! Demons in the woods!"

"Demons?" Eluia repeated.

Mazat frowned. "Slow down. What did you see?"

Ueman took a breath to steady himself. "Men, white as clouds, walking through the brush. Their arms are blades! They're killing the bushes, hacking them off at the ground!"

The other man scoffed. "What-- Did you touch those mushrooms again? I told you, they're bad for your mind!"

Ueman's eyes widened. "No, I really saw it! That way!"

Eluia finally heard what sounded like stone striking wood, but it was more hollow and vibrant. She crouched low and began to move through the brush toward the sounds. Mazat called out to her. She heard him huff and start coming after her.

She found the sounds. She peeked at them through the brush and gaped. There were several dozen humans, skin as pale as tree wood. She spotted some women, and their skin was almost as white as the clouds above. Only one among them seemed to be similar to her people, his skin warm like honey and hair plaited back. There were four men out in front of the group, including the apparent wild man, and they were cutting a path through the jungle.

Mazat ended up beside her. He stared as well, though his face didn't show shock. He frowned. "Dragons' breath… Ueman was right."

"They're just Men, though. Not demons."

"Strange Men. Men not like us, and they don't belong here."

Eluia looked at him. "We should see what they want."

Mazat grabbed her by the arm. "Are you thick?! They could kill you if they see you. We can't trust them."

She frowned. "We don't know that. They could be lost."

"And they could be warriors. We don't know. It's not safe." He looked at the dark one, the wild man. "He's one of our kind, though. And I bet he's with them not because he wants to be." He touched her arm. "Come on. We need to go."

She sighed and nodded. The group continued to cut their way through the brush.

Eluia, Mazat, and Ueman hauled the bull back to the village. It was close together, with almost thirty circular huts made of woven branches and broad leaves, the doors all facing into the middle. Skins or fronds hung over the portals. A large hut was erected in the middle, with four entrances, one in each direction. A fire pit was built in the floor at the center, with enough room around the outside for thirty people to sit and gather at a time. They set the slain animal down almost unceremoniously next to the central hut, and Mazat approached one of the smaller ones. "Cihua!"

A man answered, voice a little graveled with age. "Come, Mazat."

He stopped at the door. An old man met him there, graying hair in long, twisted ropes of braids that fell almost to his knees. Mazat continued, "Cihua, we saw something in the jungle. Something that doesn't belong here."

"Oh? You don't say things like this lightly. Tell me what you saw."

Mazat glanced around. Several villagers had paused, watching him, including Eluia. "May I speak to you inside? With Eluia, Ueman, and the other men?"

Cihua blinked. "Yes." He gave a shout, "Meet in the house! Quickly." He headed across the path to the hut first, taking his place at the northern seat. Mazat glanced at Eluia and nodded to her. He extended a hand to her. "Come on. You're part of this too."

She hesitated. "I-I'm not a man, though. I'm not a warrior."

"No, but you saw it too. They will believe us if we stick together."

She bit her lip and sighed. She stepped close enough for his fingers to brush her arm, and they entered the hut. There was a low murmur as the men gathered inside, sitting down in the circle. Cihua gestured for Mazat, Eluia, and Ueman to sit next to him. When the last man had sat, he turned to Mazat. "Tell me what you saw in the jungle, Mazat."

Mazat glanced at Ueman. "He saw it first, but Eluia and I saw it as well. There are pale, strange Men in the jungle."

There was a murmur. Cihua prompted him, "What were they doing?"

"They were cutting through the brush. They had beasts with short horns like the antelope pulling boxes on round cuts of log, and every man carried a knife as big as my arm."

Another murmur. Cihua actually frowned. "How many did you see?"

"Enough to make a village like ours."

The murmur picked up. One of the other men looked at Eluia and Ueman. "You saw this as well?"

"Yes."

Cihua addressed her this time, "Did they see you?"

"No."

Someone else spoke. "They are a threat! They are invading our territory and mutilating it. We should strike them during the night!"

Another one interjected, "I agree with Leuris, strike them before they can strike us!"

A third voice, "We don't know enough about them to attack them. We should track them and watch."

The voices began to overlap. "I agree, let's wait and see--"

"Wait and see, are you thick?--"

"No, he is right, it wouldn't be wise to attack now--"

"We must protect the village!"

"Quiet!" Cihua barked. The hut went quiet. They listened. "We do not know who they are or what they are doing here, but we do know that there are many, they have weapons we don't know anything about, and they are staying together in a small area. Zeppel. Can you tell me what you see?"

The man, also graying in the hair, stood. He picked up a leather pouch and produced some dried mushrooms, leaves, and a chunk of salt wood. He ground them together until they were a powder and sprinkled it in the fire. He waved the smoke to him, breathing deep, and then seemed to take control of the fire. It began to burn purple, and the smoke was thick. He stared intently at the smoke as it billowed and rolled. Finally, after several long moments, he spoke.

"I see fire shot from hands. I see blood. Mazat… I see our women grieving. Huts burning. These men are dangerous, Cihua. If they see us, they will harm us. Particularly the one with the golden beast, the creature with long, white hair."

The half shouted arguments resumed. Cihua did not interrupt this time. He was quiet, staring at the fire, through the fire to Zeppel. Eluia bit her lip. What had Zeppel seen about Mazat? Was it his blood that would be spilt? The thought terrified her. She trembled. She didn't want anything to happen to Mazat. She glanced at him. He caught her look and reached for her hand, taking hold of her fingers and squeezing them lightly.

Cihua finally spoke. "This is dangerous. If we face them, our people will die. If we attack them, blood will be spilled. What we must do is stay away from them. Do not let them see you, and do not seek them out." He looked at each face, looking at Eluia last. "Understand?"

There was a general mumble of agreement. Cihua stood, and the others followed. They began to disperse, solemn and quiet. Outside, the women were already done skinning the antelope and were beginning to quarter it out.

Eluia hesitated. She was still afraid. Would Mazat be okay? What had Zeppel seen about Mazat?

Mazat stayed with her, watching her. His eyes were gentle and curious. "Are you okay?"

She glanced at him and swallowed. "Yeah, I'm… I'm fine. Just...thinking."

He sighed. "Don't. Whatever Zeppel saw, I'm sure it will be okay, Phenix permitting. You should be happy. You killed your first buck today."

She forced a smile. Cihua stopped and looked back. "Oh, she did?"

Mazat looked up. "She did. On her own."

The old man smiled. "Well, that's worth celebrating. Come, Hunter Eluia."

She glanced at Mazat. Despite the recognition, she still worried for him. She didn't listen as Cihua announced her success and marked her with the blood of the beast. She put on a smile as a bonfire was built at the back of the village. The drums were brought out and rhythms were pounded into the air. Feet pounded similar rhythms into the ground. Mazat stayed by her side through the celebration, but he couldn't get her to relax completely. Finally, darkness fell and the fire began to die down. The celebration came to an end, and the people returned to their huts and stirred their own personal fires. She glanced at Mazat and sighed, heading to her hut.

Eluia sighed, setting her bow inside her hut. He followed her. "Don't worry about the pale-skins. They won't find us here, and even if they do…" his voice trailed off.

She turned to him, smiling thinly. "You'll protect me?" she finished for him. She was more afraid of something happening to him.

Mazat smiled a little. "You know I will." He took a step closer to her. "You did well today."

Eluia smiled a little. "Thank you for being patient with me."

"Someone has to be. I'm glad you let it be me."

Eluia nodded. "Promise you'll stay away from them?"

Mazat scoffed. "Eluia…"

"Promise me."

He sighed. "Okay. I promise. What are you afraid of?"

She swallowed and looked away. "Zeppel saw blood, then said your name. I… I'm afraid of you getting hurt."

Mazat brushed wayward hair back. "You know what kind of hunter I am. I'll be fine."

Eluia shook her head. "We don't know this time. Leopards, yes. Antelope, yes. But these men--"

He covered her lips with a finger to stop her. "Stop. You're going to make yourself sick."

She sighed and stood with him in the doorway of her hut. She stepped back from him, cheeks flushing pink. "Do you really think you'll be safe? If we see them?"

"As long as we have a bow...yes."

"Is it...shameful...to be this afraid?"

"No. Every great hunter is afraid of something. Only a fool is not afraid.

Eluia giggled softly. "I'm not great."

He chuckled. "Yes you are. You did well today. I'm proud of you, even if no one else says it."

"Mazat?"

"Yes?"

"Will you keep me safe?"

"Always."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Stay with me tonight? I'm afraid I will dream."

"Of course." He placed a kiss on her forehead, then her cheek.

She closed her eyes, finally beginning to relax with the tenderness. "Promise me one thing?"

"What's that?"

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Don't die."

He smirked. "I won't."

That night, she slept easy, safe in the warmth of her hut and his comfort. He was going to keep her safe, and she believed him. She just hoped they were right.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Plume
Review
Plume wrote a review Review · Jan 19, 2021

Hey! Plume here, with a review!

I'm enjoying this piece so far! I think you've come up with a great concept, and I'm really eager to read more! Your writing voice is beautiful, and it really works with this story.

One thing I really like about this piece is your description. The way you phrase things really works to elevate the story and plot into a many-dimensioned something. And I mean that in the best way possible. For example, at the beginning, you started with words showing how tense the moment was. I was immediately taken to the forest, watching the two antelope, and waiting for the bow to twang. You also kind of display the tension through the literal tension of the bowstring, and I think that works really well.

One thing I wondered about was the relationship between Eluia and Mazat. At the beginning, I had assumed Mazat was her father. Since you described them as a man and as a girl, and the whole bit about her shooting her first bull, it created this whole father/daughter dynamic in my mind. Then, towards the end, they started acting more like friends/lovers, and that came as a surprise to me. I think you should make their relationship more explicitly clear, to prevent that confusion.

Specifics

"They're just Men, though. Not demons."


I wasn't sure why you chose to capitalize "men." You do this in several places, and it was slightly confusing, since "men" isn't a proper noun. I really don't think it's necessary to capitalize it, if you were doing it for emphasis; if anything, it only clogs up your beautiful writing.

"No. Every great hunter is afraid of something. Only a fool is not afraid.


This nitpick is ridiculously small, but I just wanted to point out that you forgot the last quotation mark.

Overall: nice job! I really enjoyed reading about these new characters you've introduced. As always, your writing voice is remarkable. Keep writing!!

I hate it when that happens! Stupid punctuation. XD Thanks for the feedback. I'm saving all of my edits on my original document. Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4 are posted. <3

Random avatar
penngreen4776
Review
penngreen4776 wrote a review Review · Dec 4, 2020

hiya! i'm penn. came in on this because of the interesting first chapter, and it's clear to say that you have my full attention!

some of the names were a bit confusing, but that's likely because i don't always pay close attention to what i'm writing. This is a neat little world you're building up, and the fact that these people have never actually seen human beings and at best can describe them as ghosts or living clouds is a wonderfully intriguing perspective! i'm ready to learn more from both of these perspective's you've written!

also, that little moment of future-sight-through-smoke from Zeppel reminded me of Pocahontas, and I was wondering if you pulled inspiration from that?

*thumbs up*

Thank you! I'm saving all of my edits on my original document. Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 4 are posted. <3 And to answer your question, I am pulling a lot of traditional indigenous culture in, so it will feel similar to "Pocahontas," although I'm gearing it more toward Inca and Maya.



Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one's life.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening