Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Chapter Nine…
That night, Gael and Eleia were proven right. Just after dark, as the people gathered around their fires and camp, a low rumble echoed from one of the larger chambers behind the pavilion. Eleia's eyes widened and she slowly stood where she was. She took a slow, careful step back, away from the fire. Gael also stood, automatically stepping in front of the girls, even though Fleurette stood and hid behind Felic.
Eduoard stood, hand resting on his sword. "What was that?"
The sound came again, a little louder. There was tone to it, and the stone under their feet vibrated from the force.
Eleia gasped and pulled on Gael's hand. When he looked at her, she began to speak quickly in her native language. He listened to her tone, catching some of the words his mother used to use, and his brow tightened with alarm. Eduoard glanced between them. "What did she say?"
Gael looked past him, at Gauvain. "Gauvain! What did you take from the cave?"
The boy swallowed and cut his eyes sideways. "N-Nothing!"
Andrien stepped over. "Two rocks, it looked like." He bent to pick up the boy's satchel. Gauvain held it close. "Show him, boy."
Gael grit his teeth. "Gauvain, if you value our lives, tell me what you took!"
The boy stammered. "Just these fossils! I was going to study them!"
Andrien reached over him and pulled the flap open. Two large, rounded peaks were exposed. The surface was hard, but there was a subtle texture like leather on them, with veins and creases. Gael tensed. Eleia shouted something obscene. Gauvain swallowed. He held the bag a little tighter.
Eduaord stepped up between them. "Does someone care to explain what the hell is going on?!"
Gael huffed, shaking his head. "Dragon eggs. Get everyone out! And you - put that bag down."
The boy was frozen, eyes wide and mouth open. "E-Eggs?"
Gael walked to him and carefully wrenched the bag away from him. "Yes, eggs, you ignorant…!" Eduoard and the rest of the caravan watched as he carefully pulled one of the eggs out. Out of the bag and in the firelight, they could see that the hard surface was a leathery shell, and a creature shifted and rolled inside of it. He carefully set it back in the bag.
Eleia grabbed the bag. “We must give it back. We have to give it back. We must leave.”
Gael glanced at her and sighed. “If she’ll let us leave. Gauvain, you’re a damn fool! You never touch things like this! Especially in a jungle!”
A boom sounded from inside the ruins. It echoed, reverberating through the stone and into the trees. The sound came two more times, then there was a long pause, followed by three more calls. Eleia’s eyes widened. She knelt and grabbed her weapons and roll of fur. “Go. Now! Mama call for help!”
The creature finally roared, the sound thunderous and deafening. Everyone flinched, crouching and covering their ears. As the sound echoed out through the jungle, the sounds of bone raking stones echoed from the buildings that had been carved into the cliff. Moments later, a shadow grew, loomed, and a dark form emerged from the depths of the ruins. Copper scales glistened in the firelight, lip curling up to reveal serrated teeth as large as thumbs, and fangs twice as thick. Its maw flickered, smoke gathering behind its teeth as it stalked out of the ruins. Wings were tense, held half open and rigid to show a vibrant green and gold pattern in the folds. The long neck was arched as she focused on the people nearest to the den. A row of spines adorned the ridge of her neck, all the way down to her shoulders. Her eyes landed on Eduoard and she growled, loud and low.
Eleia swallowed. “Don’t. Move,” she whispered. “Gael… Give her the eggs…”
Gael swallowed. He trembled. Every muscle in him shook with fear. He hoped the dragon didn’t hear his heart racing in his chest. He pulled the eggs out of the sack and held them up for her.
She saw his action and turned her attention to him. She snarled, loud and spitting. She took a step closer to him. She must have seen the eggs, though, for her lip relaxed and she began to reach out to his hands, sniffing. Being as close as she was, it was clear her muzzle alone was as big around as his head. Her shoulders were close to eight feet in height.
Gael heard a crossbow click into place. He gasped softly. “Don’t you f—ing-” he hissed, glancing sideways. Mauger fired the crossbow, sinking the bolt an inch into the thick shoulder of the beast. It recoiled from the sting and roared, baring teeth again. This time, she lunged, wings unfurling and teeth parting to unleash bright yellow flames. Mauger and the two standing with him were engulfed. Their screams echoed through the jungle. Other soldiers responded in turn, raising their own bows at the dragon. The arrowheads bounced off her chest, but the insult remained. She charged.
Gael bolted away from her. He held the sack close. Maybe he could get the eggs back to her later, if she would let him. He grabbed Laurent and Pierre and shoved them toward the trail back up toward the wagons. “Climb! Get away from here as fast as you can! Chrestien! Joel?!”
It was chaos. The people scattered, ducking and scrambling to evade the dragon’s claws, teeth, and tail. She swung her tail at Eduoard, burying the bone spurs a foot deep into the trunk of a tree. She had to work her tail loose and charged the nearest person. Gael saw Chrestien pulling his wife and daughter through the trees, taking cover in the brush as they headed back toward the wagons. The older scholar, Reynald, was helping Joel to his feet on the other side of the path. The dragon pinned Felic by the leg. He fell forward, crashing on his chest. He cowered, laying still. Gael grit his teeth and grabbed a broken piece of stone. He threw it, hitting the dragon on the cheek. It distracted her enough for the boy to crawl out from under her claws. But she jumped at Gael next. He jumped over the banister to get away from her flames. The drop on the other side was farther than he expected, so he crumpled and rolled.
He didn’t see Eleia.
Fire rained down on the far side of the pavilion from above, followed by a second, and much deeper, roar. A heavier dragon landed in the middle of the fray, chest and front legs much thicker. Spurs adorned the jaw and muzzle like a beard, and the crest was thick and full, with wide, sweeping horns. The people scrambled as the new dragon, the apparent bull, breathed fire on the whole platform. The trees and underbrush were instantly dried and sparked flame. Fire began to climb through the trees.
Gael felt a hand grab onto his. He met Eleia’s gaze. Her eyes were wide, and there was some blood on her cheek and arm. He laced his fingers with hers and held the satchel close.
“Run!”
End of chapter
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I have been reading this story a lot and I've gotten this far I love it, it is very interesting, and I love the setup of the book overall. you seem to be very creative with the book and each chapter and I love that. I am going to read many more chapters of this book. Keep up the good work and stay creative. And I'm sure the effort you have put into this book is worth it, I think it is. have a good day!
-Max...
Hi, Dragonight here to review this awesome chapter.
Overall comments:
I love works with dragons in them so I read this piece and enjoyed it so much I also read chapter 8 for more context. Really good worldbuilding and description here. The grammar was also really good.
The cliffhanger at the end was perfect! I can't wait to see what happens next.
Specific comments:
I liked the idea of mistaking dragon eggs for artifacts and the greed of settlers (that's the vibe I got from this group anyway).
I really like Eleia's speech pattern. She is clearly smart (or at least average) while also not completely familiar with the language yet. Also switching to her native tongue to inform Gael of the dragon both makes sense and builds the tension.
Trying to give the egg back and the tension of that scene gave me flashbacks of Jurassic park for some reason. The buildup for that moment was great too!
I could really see the dragon emerging from scary ruins on a dark night as I read, but it didn't interrupt the flow of the story at all (you had the correct length of description and action).
I really liked Gael's concern for Eleia and the rest of his group. Most characters who are translators for natives tend to be kind and understanding and I like how you showed it here.
Dragons:
I loved the way you described the dragons in this story. Their personality as well as their looks. I personally love the idea of dragons being reasonable creatures who don't go looking for trouble, but man's fear of them causes conflict. I don't know the character of Mauger so I can't tell if he just wanted to kill the dragon or acted out of fear, but I liked how the dragon was willing to take a less violent option until she was attacked.
Having the bull dragon show up also tells me that dragons are creatures where both male and female care for the young. Him coming in to back up his female makes total sense and shows how much he cares (these dragons have feelings).
Though we want the main character to escape and for everyone to be alright we can also understand the dragons and empathize with them. I like this a lot.
Last comment:
I know dragons are not (or don't seem to be) a focal point of your story, but you gave them a lot of depth and to me that really shows how much you care about your story overall. I feel like so much happened in this short piece and completely lost track of time while reading. I was completely enveloped by the world you created and it was awesome! I can't wait to read more!