Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
YO! No more patterns.
So, I know Robert had a breakdown, but he doesn't really seem to have changed all too much. Well, I think it's an usual reaction, but once feelings leak out it's only a matter of time when you completely give in.
He's actually such a homophobe. I'm now almost 100% convinced he fought Darren only for himself, becouse he was insulted (he even repeated one of those insults during the break, right?), becouse he was assumed to be Stephen's boyfriend. He is afraid of being gay, he is trying to convince himself he's not. Well, after this chapter it's clear he is. I guess there are many trails to indicate it anyway, like how he only wanted Katie for her body, for his satisfaction. Stephen just came from the other side, as a person. He didn't question his sexuality for his body or something, rather for who he was.
I'm a bit angry on how much of an asshole he was to Stephen here. I couldn't help but look at Iggy's review too, so I have to notice I disagree with something she said, about this
“Oh…….yes.”
While you should reduce the number of dots, don't add any more explanation on how Stephen felt. Robert is narrating. He didn't notice or care, and that's it.
I'm afraid that he would loose Stephen in the end, he is too much of an asshole to him. Why does Stephen even like him? Only becouse he beat up Darren? Maybe he likes to be the savior boy? Not sure, still, Robbies perspective, we can't know.
Robbert will be left alone, right? RIGHT? I like your characterisation, your first person narrating which is brilliantly done. You dragged me into this. Great work you have. You will get final praise on the last chapter, yosh.
-Alchemist
Hey Adam. ^^
& should be spelt out.
Only three dots for ellipses, but you're starting to overdo it. You want Stephen to be surprised, yes? Then show us. What does his face look like? Perhaps he looks startled, confused, bewildered, maybe even a bit hurt. Show us this.
Since this is still Robert talking, combine these two lines.
Remove that comma.
Okay, so what. Robert's a virgin? xD I didn't see that coming. <_< I suppose it's because I haven't read the beginning chapters yet. You know what, I've been meaning to. I'm gonna do that right now.
Moving on, I liked the solemness to Robert. He seems mellow and actually level-headed in this chapter. He's not being vulgar and having his heart set on having sex with Katie. He seemed a bit melancholy. I also see more of the internal fight he's battling. He has absolutely no idea what his sexuality is, does he? All he knows is that he likes Stephen but he's afraid of the hallucinations.
The last sentence hit home. It's sad, seeing how different Robert is in this chapter. Normally he'd say "hell yeah, I'm gonna hit it and quit it awwyeah oooohkillem~" but instead he's a bit depressing about getting laid. Like he doesn't want to do it but must do it to prove his manliness.
I'm hoping he doesn't have sex with her. He clearly doesn't belong with her. Let me know when the next chapter is out.
~Iggy
Heyooooo
YAY
Things are really steaming up in this chapter.You have created more for me to review.
Which is great, because it's starting to reveal the true motivation and feelings of the characters. '“You don’t have to revise all the time, Bobby,” ‘Bobby?’ What the fuck? “You need a break sometimes. I am hoping I can provide the break for you.” ' I like this part especially, because it's funny, but you need to sort out the editing so the sentences are on separate lines; otherwise it looks a bit confusing.
I think the fact that Robert is still in a state of denial is disappointing for both Stephen and the reader, because I feel like I am right there with these guys watching the action unfold. This is very well written.
AND YOUR LAST LINE IS AMAZEBALLS.
It doesn't a cheese biscuit to know that this is very proleptic of Robert's fate and what he is going to find out in the climactic chapters of thise awesomely funny and rude novel. I am anticipative of how things will turn out for him. Write. More. Now.
Love and huggles
~the mad one.