Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hello! I'm back for an "Adopt a novel" review!
This is an interesting chapter that fortifies his interaction with Stephen. Well, there is something, even if Rober is not really sure what, but he surely has something for him. It's nice to have that shown with Stephen interrupting his hetero-dream he had.
Now, there is something that so far stood out for me here. I don't think I've noticed anything like that so far in your story, so let me say it; this part of the sentence
"but I am mature and he’s not"
is just something I wouldn't have expect to hear from the character you have created. Now, if that sentence itself was intentional, and I hope it was, than it is really good, since what we so far witnessed was Robert pretty much loosing it, and giving us such an obvious evidence within that small sentece is great.
Your style was on level with what you have done so far, so well done.
-Alchemist
Such a teenage boy xD In an assembly and thinking of having sex with the teacher... *snorts*
Nice work ^^
Although, I'm not sure why he wanted to have sex with her? You described her as a lanky witch. There's gotta be something more, something sexy that appeals to him and makes him want to have her right then and there, yes? Otherwise, why would he be wanting to have sex with her?
You're good with detailing the scene, but try to give more imagery details. What people look like, what this assembly looks like, all that jazz. Help us see the scene as Robert is seeing it.
I'm still laughing from the odd twist on his sexual fantasy. I'm sorry, but I do believe that Robert is a bit insane, and I will continue to believe this as time goes on. I mean, how do you go from participating in a sexual act to a guy running in and setting a girl on fire?! Major mood killer. xD
Overall, this is getting good. I'm actually a bit confused to see that Robert didn't get in trouble for brutally attacking a frog corpse, but other than that, this has been good so far.
Hey Babe <3
I have a thing about rhetorical questions, and I love this one, not only is it an apt statement about the modern education system, but it is also funny, and very Robert-esque.So, another review for the next chapter. You know I said I felt like this was a little bit short and it left me wanting more because it’s really good and I want to see where the story of these characters goes.
The opening line:
I found the humour in this chapter to be more carefully concealed, but when you do come across it, it’s brilliant:
Obviously, there is a certain level of continuity present given the ending circumstances of the previous chapter, it is nice to see that you have acknowledged Robert’s character development:
Also, relationships and characterisation are building slowly in the events within this chapter. You are indicating at a particular direction your novel seems to be going in.
I would also like to comment on this: because it’s very, very relevant. It’s nice that you can borrow from other idea sources and I feel like this is current and funny.
Robert has his own way of branding things and I think they are funny. XD It really builds his character and is also really relatable because it’s the sort of thing we’ve all thought of.
I don’t know exactly why you included this bit, because it seemed a bit childish for Robert, if he was going to say something like this, I would have imagined it to be ruder somehow. XD
Your italics section was a brilliant inclusion, however I found the spelling of ‘riving’ to be quite entertaining.
Again, towards the end of the chapter, I think this line just feels really out of place: Like a big mash up really. I don’t imagine it would be the sort of thing someone would just come out with, however weird they are. This chapter felt very much like a stepping stone and I am excited to see where Robert will end up next and with whom.
Oh and I love you hunny <3