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Heya, finally here again for the "Adopt a novel" review!

Feels like this is the chapter where reader gets to hate your MC from the bottom of his heart. His interaction with his family is enough. His stepdad seems like a rather cool person, he is actually trying to get closer to Robert who has rejected him for no reason god knows how many times.

I like his narration about the place he lives in, it seems rather realistic, actually first time I felt like he was sane when talking about enviroment.

I believe he is just a guy full of complexes. He actually sees himself as a perfect, though I believe most of the things he hates he actually envy.

Considering your writing style, it is so far on the same level and is good, and enjoyable to read (welp that's why my reviews are this short, I don't really have that much to say).

-Alchemist

Hello! Me again. My reviews may be very slow, as I'm trying to multitask, but I shall review nonetheless.

Okay so I fewl that there's too much descriprtion in the beginning of this. It's so heavily piled on that it basically makes the chapter fall over from the weight << a description for you to envision when picturing this. Maybe you see my point?

I feel like we could've done better with half the descriptions. That way, you spend more time focused on one scene or place and give it more significance than throwing landmarks left and right, so fast to where I feel like I'm in a car instead of on the streets with Robert, walking. Slow down, take one thing at a time, and be careful. Compare descriptions to salt: no one wants a mountain of them on their vegetables, no?

I also feel like the relationship between Keith and Robert is weak and cliche. Robert hates Keith because he isn't his real dad, or what? I hope it's justified by something realistic yet unique. And the dialogue was a flop. His argument with him mom was just too overdone. It felt like something out of a B-worthy movie. Too cliche, again. Compare to your fights with your mom/mum. Try to make it as unique as you can.

But alas, I did love the ending. I'm still eagerly awaiting Stephen! Off to read chapter four.

~Iggy

Hey there.

It is this thought that makes me cringe at the thought of being in a mixed ability set at school.

violence involving knives is at an alltime high

Not to mention, for a town which has been infected by

here are people around this region which have garnered some degree of legend

Just outside that same community service building, as per usual, were a few dropouts, one of which I actually remember with too much detail.

a reminder of much I despise about two consenting adults deciding to have children if this would be the outcome

Other than that I have been incredibly consistent in all of my subjects, but I digress.

After he made the mistake of telling this group of Muslims exiting a Mosque to "aren't you supposed to be travelling to Mecca, you Johnny foreigners?"

My stepdad, whose is appropriately named Keith- who shares the name of a shitty guitar teacher I once had during my brief period of wanting to be a music industry whore- got his answer when he received a black eye and a punch in the belly. I hoped they finished the job of killing him but you can't get everything in life.

I throw my blazer on the bed and sit down, my buttocks meeting the mattress.

Tarquin Syndrome- Chapter #3

Hello 567ajt,

This is Magenta here to review your novel that you have recently submitted to YWS! I would first like follow you. Then I shall start my review with a few comments and suggestions.

"Strolling rather elegantly out of the school gates gives my comrades a sense of freedom; that one day they will walk out for good. However, these same gates will be reintroduced to them. The shackles never change- they only change shape. For in this area- and even I can admit this- social progress is halted for everyone, regardless of academic merit or superiority in talent. The weak are helped out, at the expense of the strong's time. It is this thought that makes me cringe at the thought of being in a mixed ability set at school. How can a more able student be expected to help out those who cannot be helped? It would be simple to never go back to this school, but I find myself enjoying the sight of bullying (and being bullied)."

I never understood why our school teachers told us to indent. All I knew was that it was a "rule" in writing and it just became a habit. I wasn't sure if you should indent your paragraphs or not. It is only something minor, but I thought that I might point it out anyway. I mean, it is the writer's choice, right? For this first sentence, I am not sure this is the way you want to start out. I feel like it isn't very descriptive or what you mint have been looking for. I realize that you wanted an adjective to describe how they strolled out, but elegantly doesn't seem to be the right word that you want to use. I also am not sure on whether or not you need the word "that" after the semicolon. But without the word, it would just sound odd. Maybe consider changing that. The end sentence in this paragraph is a little confusing and I don't think you need to have the parenthesis here to add that last bit on. It just seems strange to the reader.

I must commend you for your strong vocabulary which can be seen throughout the entire chapter. I appreciate it when writers have a good talent when infusing there vocabulary into their works without overdoing it.

"Taking out my keys from my coat pocket, I analyse the ridiculous and naive old me, displayed on a piece of acrylic that we had to make in Year 7 Product and Graphic. "

I think that the word is analyze with a z, not an s. I know that spelling is different for some people like adding a "u" in the word color and favorite. Anyway, great job with this chapter. I hope you continue your writing and go far with this book/novel.

~ Magenta

Hey Baby. XD

Each time I read a new chapter of this work I get more and more excited
your character [Robert] is developing rapidly and you're doing something really clever...

By exposing him in different scenes and circumstances the reader gets to understand all facets of his personality, I can't wait to see his interactions with the previously mentioned Katie and what that will mean for him throughout the course of the novel.

'This is a cesspool of human indecency.' His little comments are still both outrageous and hilarious.

It seems that he can personify controversy: 'Britain is appalling.' Although, he does take great care in explaining his grand claims. He seems to have an opinion on everything.

Like what we discussed, I would say that you need to extend the dialogue somewhat to make it more realistic; and go back into a bit more detail over some of the points between the characters: 'Still no reply. He eventually gives up, opting to smoke in the garden.'

'Rather annoyingly I have to take Prozac...' having Robert being reliant on something is rather ironic, because his constant isolation will contribute massively to the depression, yet he doesn't like to be dependent on anyone. So it's a cyclical problem. However, it doesn't make me laugh at him, rather the opposite, I have empathy for him and his predicament.

'I can see that she wants me. I can also see Katie wants me.' The link with pornography and Robert wanting a relationship with Katie is very interesting - because I have no idea what is going to happen next.

I think what you've got here is something very bold and daring that not many people have tried [or even had the balls to say] but you're tackling a lot of large issues and being very frank and blunt and honest about it at the same time, which I really admire.

Keep writing baby.

I love you.

-hugs-