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Sun Jan 31, 2021 6:19 pm
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Shady wrote a review...



Arc!

I know this is a bit of an older poem, but I'm doing the Review Day Tasklist and I needed a poem I liked but didn't review, so here we are. So, jumping right in...

I think my broadest takeaway from this is just how much I love how you were able to write a sweet, lowkey emotional poem about such a silly topic to appease alliyah's chicken poetry needs xD. It was kind of soothing to read about the relationship between mother and chick and I think you did a nice job of choosing words to really drive those feelings home.

The one place that read a tiny bit off to me was between "where the cat may roam" and "cluck and scold" -- I really like the vibes we get from that, but when I first read this I was expecting more about the cat and it was a little jarring to flip back to it being about the hen, if that makes sense? Like, when I re-read it a few times the flow made more sense, but initially, and I'm not sure why, but I was kind of expecting a line about how dangerous it was because of the cat, or something, and it felt weird to jump back to the protective mother.

Otherwise, I literally can't find anything to critique. This was a lovely little poem with great imagery and a sweet theme and I highly enjoyed reading it!

Hope you're well friend!

~Shady

Also, I know I'm old, but the number of Schadenfreude and Fahrvergn├╝gen that get used get tallied so here are my words, for the cause ;)




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Mon Sep 07, 2020 2:57 am
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alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Arc,

here to review as promised! First, thanks for writing a chicken poetry poem, they're delightful and you certainly delivered.

I don't have any critique on the form, I love the way you've added some light rhyme / assonance at the end of lines. It made it sound a bit more like a nursery rhyme to me and reminded me of "the three little kittens that lost their mittens" where the mother figure is also a bit strict. There's something really nice in the sound of these lines in particular,

so when we go
where the cat may roam
cluck and scold
and peck us back home


I like that you didn't end up putting the chicks into any violent danger, but the reader can kind of assume that the chicks are okay.

The poem on it's surface is a nice little reflection about a mother chicken caring for her young, but written in such a sweet way reflecting on the internal emotions of the little chicks that I think it causes the reader to want to reflect on their own relationships with their mother - I think that's ideal to be able to elevate a nature reflection or animal poetry into something a bit deeper.

One critique is it tripped me up a bit when you said, "we're chicks no more, we're your eggs" -> isn't it the other way around, that they used to be eggs, but not are hatched chicks? I'm wondering if that was a mix up or if I'm misinterpreting something there.

More of an observation than a critique, but your poem seems to have four movements:

1) Hey mom, this is who we are (lines 1-4)
2) If we get into trouble bring us back home (line 5-8)
3) Hey mom, why are you so sentimental, you're strange! (line 9-12)
4) Ah! It's cold! Let us rest under your wings. (line 13-16)

While having each movement held in four lines makes the poem logically flow nicely and keeps it very clean, it makes it a bit hard to see the transitions between the movement. What makes the chicks go from movement 3 to movement 4? There's not really a transition between thinking the mom is strange and sentimental, to thinking it's cold.

At the same time, I kind of feel like that jumping logic is a little reminiscent of how really young children jump from subject to subject where at one moment they may be talking about a tv show and the next they're pretending to be a frog.

Another small critique, is I love how you use both "mother dear" (a bit more formal, adoration) and "harsh momma" (a bit more casual and even a bit abrasive) - I wonder if in the other place you use "momma" in "soft-feathered momma" if you could switch it up one more time just to create one more mood. There was quite a bit of word repetition between the two stanzas eggs/eggs, momma/momma, feathered/feathery, home/home - > and while it is a bit repetitive it also gave a sense of continuity between the two stanzas.

That's all I got! Overall this poem is definitely the type to make a person feel warm and fuzzy, and is just a delight - it uses one of my very favorite pieces of poetic imagery too with the mother hen, so I really can't help but love it. If there was some aspect of the poem that you wanted feedback on that I missed in my review feel free to let me know! Thanks for participating in this challenge.

alliyah

Happy Review Month!

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Sun Sep 06, 2020 10:53 am
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oceans wrote a review...



Hello Arcticus!

This is a lovely poem. You seem very experienced. I love how it sounds. It reminds me of older poems/books, old rhymes. The Tale of Peter Rabbit came to mind for some reason, or Winnie the Pooh, maybe it is because of the illustration as well! It is very cool. I like how you use chickens and their eggs as a metaphor for growing up and moving on, doing things on our own. A mother hen can only nest her eggs so long. If you dig deep this poem can stir many ideas and feelings. Good job and keep writing!





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