Hidden Behind the Pages {Chapter 1}

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Kade Carlise was an intelligent young man born into a line of humble librarians. In fact his family had such a great passion for reading and books that they lived in a library, the grand Beckett Library to be exact. The Grand Beckett Collection consisted of at least one pristine copy of every literary masterpiece in England since the 18th century as well as a wide variety of other original manuscripts. Each morning, Kade would wake up at precisely five fifty-five in the morning to go about his daily routine, beginning with a stroll across the grand library to the back door, where new additions were brought in every day. Thousands and thousands of pages inhabited the library, however, words alone weren't the only things hidden behind their pages, the life and times of Kade Carlisle were concealed behind them also.

The dated antique bookcase in the far right corner of the first floor of the Beckett Library was actually secret doorway to Kade's humble abode. All one had to do was pull out the ragged and dust-covered copy of Angel's Symphony and they'd discover Kade's secret lair.

Kade was the only person who lived in the prestigious Beckett Library nowadays. Since his parents' unexpected death at age 6, Kade has preferred to live alone among his books and escape into a world of his own. The reasons for his preferences is still a thing unkown. Perhaps at birth he was dropped on his head, or maybe he'd read too many sci-fi books and become some sort of, freak. His white haired grandfather, Aldo Carlisle, knew better than to deprive his only grandson from his "escapade" and lived alone somewhere in town.

For ten whole years, Kade, a home schooled self taught boy, has lived on his own, free to read as many books as he pleased. In exchange for such a privilege, the well respected Beckett family hired him to stack and shelve a fair share of books as well as assist in entering new books into the system.

Many people wonder what good could possibly become from an aloof boy who lives in a library (leaving only on rare and rather important occasions). What sort of adventure could a literary loser who sticks his nose in the pages of books all day lead? And how could he ever get caught up in something so extravagant and exciting as a plan to stop thieves from robbing the bank of England, a date with a foreign beauty, and rescuing a whole crowd of people from a blistering fire? Well I am here to answer those questions, to illustrate the tale of Kade Carlisle.

Thank you for the reviews ^^ I also like the idea of a boy living in a library. But Kade is sort of a weird one xD Mars, if you come back here and read this message, then you'll know I'm in desparate need of help. The line between showing and telling is sort of a blur for me. But I like the way you explained that part with showing rather than telling. It makes the story more active!

You gave us less than a day. Have some patience.
That said, I will! Me! Me!
This is quite an interesting concept-I love the idea of living in a library! I do, however, have a couple of minor issues with it.

(a literary masterpiece I may add)
However talented Sarah may be , writing in first person is a no-no. This is, of course, assuming your story will be in mostly third person focusing on Kade-if not then first person is fine! Although, in this case, it shouldn't be here anyway because the information is unnecessary and jars the reader. If you feel it's important, you could add it in like, dust-covered copy of the literary masterpiece, Tipping the Velvet.

"escapade"
An escapade is usually defined as a reckless adventure, so I wonder if you actually mean escape? As in, Kade escapes the real world by diving into books (which, of course, you stated in the previous sentence). Also, I'm not sure why it's in quotation marks, since it really doesn't need to be.

MIX IT UP, BUTTERCUP
So, I'm sure you've heard the YWS slogan, Show, don't tell! This excerpt contained no action at all: all telling. I understand that you need to explain his history, and why he's living in the library, etc. but this could be done in a more interesting, more active way. For example:

New additions were brought in by the dozens each day.

could become

Kade strolled across the grand library to the back door, where new additions were brought in every day.

Or something. But, you get the point, right? Instead of just explaining everything, try and develop Kade through his actions. I'm going to direct you to this article by Sarah, I think it will help a lot.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?
It's going to seem like I'm contradicting myself here but some things need more explaining. (Through showing.) This whole piece was very vague, and left me with a lot of questions: how did his parents die? Why does his grandfather leave him alone? I know, you said he "knows better" but I cannot think of any able parent or grandparent that would leave their (grand)child to live alone, especially an only grandchild. Also, how do Aldo and Kade deal with child services? Especially since Kade is a ten year old. There needs to be more explanation, like...his grandfather has a degenerating illness and is not fit to take care of the child, or he has a million majillion other grandkids to take care of, or when Kade's parents died he simply faded into the background of the library and was paid little notice. I especially like this last one, since he has a secret lair.

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH
So...I really don't like your last paragraph. First, because it slips into first person again (last sentence) and uses parentheses again, for another unneeded piece of info. Second, because you gave away the main points of the rest of the story. Generally, if you have to tell readers what's going to happen to keep them interested, you need to revise the writing a bit.

FINALLY...
I'm done! I know this was a lot, and don't let it intimidate you. I only go in depth on works I think are good. And I really want to see this continued, because I think it will make a great epic.
PM me if you have any questions!
-Mars

EDIT: Oh, I'm already liking the changes! Especially:

Thousands and thousands of pages inhabited the library, however, words alone weren't the only things hidden behind their pages, the life and times of Kade Carlisle were concealed behind them also

Lovely.

Probably not a good idea to bump your own thread. I know how it is though. Be patient is all

Kade Carlise was an intelligent young man born into a line of humble librarians. I love this opening. Very sophisticating and intriguing in a subtle way. In fact his family had such a great passion for reading and books in general that they lived in a library, the grand Beckett Library to be exact. !!! Me exceedingly jealous The Grand Beckett Collection consisted of at least one pristine copy of every literary masterpiece in England since the 18th century as well as a wide variety of other original manuscripts [s]and such[/s]. New additions were brought in by the dozen[s]s[/s] each day. However, words alone weren't the only things hidden behind their pages, the [s]life and time[/s] life and times of Kade Carlisle were concealed behind them also.


The dated antique bookcase in the far right corner of the first floor of the Beckett Library was actually a secret doorway to Kade's humble abode. All one had to do was pull out the ragged and dust-covered copy of Tipping the Velvet [s](a literary masterpiece I may add)[/s] and they'd discover Kade's secret lair. Just a little far-fetched, but one is massively intrigued, don'tcha know..


Kade was the only person [s]to live[/s] who lived in the prestigious Beckett Library nowadays. Since his parents' unexpected death at age 6, [add brief explanation -- can even make it funny] Kade has preferred to live alone among his books and escape into a world of his own. Elaborate on why?? His white haired grandfather, Aldo Carlisle, knew better than to deprive his only grandson from his "escapade" and lived alone somewhere else in town.


For ten whole years, Kade, a home schooled self taught boy, has lived on his own, free to read as many books as he pleased. In exchange for such a priviledgemisspelled, the well respected Beckett family hired him to stack and shelve a fair share of books as well as assist in entering new books into the system.


Many people wonder what good could possibly become from an aloof boy who lives in a library (leaving only on rare and rather important occasions). What sort of adventure could a literary loser who sticks his nose in the pages of books all day lead? And how could he ever get caught up in something so extravagant and exciting as a plan to stop thieves from robbing the bank of England, a date with a foreign beauty, and rescuing a whole crowd of people from a blistering fire? Well, I am here to answer those questions, to illustrate the tale of Kade Carlisle.

No one is going to review 8(