History

Good poem. good linebreaks. I think in your very first part a little bit of rephrasing could do

than they can feel the pain

I really like your poem and as one of the users said your style of not breaking up your poem is fanastic. The overall poem is fantastic but I agree with one of the users asking for more colourful adjectives.Your rhyming words are great and the subject you wrote on is wonderful. Keep up your good work.

wow, a really nice piece. I have to admit that I didn't know where you were going for the first seven lines, but you really tied it together in the end. Nice job. I'm sorry, but I really don't see much wrong with this poem . I really applaud your work, and I'm glad I could read it. I look forward to reading the rest of your stuff.

Hey Aley, I saw you were the featured member so I decided to review one of your poems. I like your style of not breaking up the poem into stanzas and really focusing on one thought or idea throughout the passage.

The way the lines are broken up especially between "faster-than" and "stream-until" it makes it so that you have to almost re-read the last line to go onto the next line, which isn't necessarally always a bad thing because it makes sure the reader is paying attention to every word. It also gives it a little bit of a choppy read rather than a sing-songy sound, but I think with the theme being about rocks and sand washing up with waves this actually helps because it shouldn't be so smooth but more wavy sounding. If that makes sense...

As the other reviews pointed out, I really don't see and spelling or grammar nit-picks. The only other thing I'm wondering about is the title, I wonder if you calling it 'History' is just in reference to how long it takes the sands to form, or if the poem is some how a metaphor to human history in that as a race we're "breaking down" getting more complex, and changing the nature of a race kind of from rock to dust.

Lastly, I disagree with the comment wishing the poem to be longer or have more adjectives, I think that the length is perfect for what is described, and like I said at the beginning of the review I'd much rather see a short and FOCUSED poem (like yours) than a long poem that goes all over the place and doesn't really address anything in the end.

I enjoyed reading your work, and look forward to reading more in the future.

Thanks for posting!
~alliyah~

This poem is good, I love the creative scientific and environmental language, which is interesting to see in poetry However there are a few things I'd like to suggest.

It feels a bit rushed at times, perhaps expand on being descriptive to create more imagery for the reader. It's a good short poem, but I'd like it even more if it were longer, it doesn't quite feel finished.

You've focused more on the science part than the emotional part to the poem though, which doesn't leave the reader feeling any emotion towards it, poetry is very much about connecting with the reader through words.

My favourite lines of your poem are what I found interesting and connected to;

"Boulders tumble down the cliff faster
than they can feel the pain,"

"from the past stratospheres of lands.
A million years washes up as sand."

Work on this more and develop it but overall this poem was amazing, keep up the good work!

-Infinity x

Hey! Belle here to review :3

This is short and simple, which is okay, but that means it's not very descriptive.

which in this poem, Is true.

Where is the salsaaa?????? The colorful words? The adjetives ?! I want a little more feeling to your poems! Imagery! As a reader I need something a little more.

One thing I like is how you say the rocks feel pain. Very good! That's a little color, but not enough. add some spice and then I will come back, until then, Good luck!

Thanks for reading until here <3

~Belle

Hello Aley! This poem was very creative and enjoyable to read. I agree with Katelyn. No grammatical issues. It wasn't bumpy and flowed very well. I can tell you're a very experienced poet. Keep up the great work and I look forward to your next post

Aley, great job with the poem. Here's a couple things:

Grammar:
Nothing that I can find is faulty here. Great job.

Flow:
The flow is great, the only lines that seem a little bumpy to me are:
"as they stumble over themselves like foals"
I don't know why but foals just seems a little less smooth when read with all the other lines. Then again, it could just be the way that I am reading it.

Great job, and I absolutely love this. Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay

I like the way you edited this, Aley. The flow is certainly very much better, there's just a few more things to keep working on (which I agree with Persy on). I especially like the second to last line, how just adding 'past' made all the difference. Now it makes sense. So awesome job! Of course there will always be something to edit, but this is already well done. Good luck and happy writing!

~Sapi

Aley dear! So, let's jump right into this.
You start off with boulders experiencing pain, a nice idea given the image, but I think that it falls flat here. In order for this personification of the boulders to really work, it needs to be incorporated in a stronger, more direct manner to make them really feel alive. Pain is a highlighted word in poem -- no matter the context, people are going to pay attention to it. We need some emotional anchor to attach ourselves to in poetry. Given that this is the only one we see at first, and relate to at first, we need the anchor to be STRONG, and HEAVY. This is not.

Moving on. You said that in your poetry, you want people to take something away from your writing each time they read it. What are we taking away from this? There is little emotional attachment; it seems more just a narrative of some rocks being beat against the bluffs and turned into sand. I think it could be stronger, how you want to accomplish that is your choice but feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.

Lastly, the sense of movement in this poem needs to be worked on. This entire poem is about movement, from the boulders tumbling down the cliff, the movement of the stream, and the transition into sand. Yet, I don't feel like we're moving so much. Maybe if you are to describe the journey, or, not the journey so much as the things moving it, that might make it more apparent. You have sand as the last point, and yet there's little imagery with water. I think that involvement of something fluid might help as well. idk

Anyway, good job, you always know I'm up to discussion and the like if you wanna talk about something.

-holysmokesbatman

What an interesting poem! As a lover of environmental science, I liked the topic.
Now for the review:

The first letter of each line as to be capitalized in a poem, even if it's not the beginning of a sentence.

You have a really natural writing; no complicated fanciness and it's really enjoyable to read your poem. My favorite like is the last one:

"A million years washes up as sand."

Honestly, I think that's brilliant. If only it could a little longer, so I can see more of the process.
Keep writing!

~theLockedLibrary